Sunday, May 31, 2009

Did You Happen to Lose Your Hair?

Walking out of Walgreens the other day, I noticed what looked like a bunch of hair. Upon closer inspection I was a bunch of hair. Most likely that fake ponytail type hair that you can buy at drugstores, like Walgreens actually.

This begs the question...wouldn't you notice if you lost your hair?

It is not like that time recently that Britney Spears lost a big chunk of hair in the middle of her concert (although that probably hurt a heck of a lot more since hers is glued in), but still. You had a big mess of fake hair on your head. Later you don't. Seems to me you should notice.

Also, although it was kind of the person that found the hair to place it up on the metal thing I saw it on, in case the owner discovered she did, in fact, lose her hair, it was also kind of...GROSS.

Did they know it was hair when they picked it up? Does that make it any better? I think not.

Thoughts to ponder.

Saturday, May 30, 2009

But What About the Front of the House?

In all of my eagerness to show you the exciting flowers that keep popping up on an almost daily basis, and with even more pictures to come soon, I feel that I have been neglecting the front of the house. Although maybe not as colorful, it still is rather pretty. Take a look:

This is the little tree that could. Could it grow some leaves? Who knows. It is struggling behind everyone else. B's friend told him he did not like the tree to which I replied "can you blame him? look at it!" We don't even know what it is.

A bigger picture of the scraggly tree:

And this? This is the GIANT tree on our front lawn. It has more leaves than the scraggly one, but is still a bit behind. I was dismayed to find a bunch of nails in its trunk when we were out there one day. I removed the ones I could and apologized.

How about a comparison from the winter? Can you see the bent branch on the right?

Yes, this one. Wonder when that will fall.

And how about a view of our street:

Our grass looks rather green in that picture. I am loving it.

Friday, May 29, 2009

Piss and Pine? Sounds Like a Candy...

After having just eaten at our new favorite Thai place in the 'hood, which is almost identical to the old Thai place in the last 'hood (what luck!), B and I walked to the car. B remarked at how incredibly yummy his candy was from the restaurant. I asked what it was and he said "something with Asian writing on the wrapper." Sounds logical.

As we got in the car, I noted that something smelled, well, WRONG.

Me: It smells weird in here.
B: What do you mean?
Me: It smells strange. Like someone pissed in here. Or like a tree or something.
B: Like a tree?
Me: Yes, a sappy tree. Tree sap.
B: You mean a pine?
Me: I don't know what kind of tree saps.
B: Pine trees have sap.
Me: Now that you mention it, it smells like pine in here. Pine and piss.
B: Do you think it is my candy?

It was his candy. How he ever thought something that SMELLED like pine and piss tasted great is beyond me.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Words You Never Want to Hear Your Husband Say...

"Well, that was a strange looking bug."

Gives me the chills. We have had quite array of bugs the past couple of days much to my dismay. First there was the awfully big spider over our bed. I usually do not kill spiders because I believe their job is to go off and eat all of the other bugs I cannot stand and leave me guilt free about killing them. Although, I must say, I generally do not like the spiders to be hanging out over my bed as statistics have shown people eat about 3 or so in their lifetime. I prefer to remain in denial about that. So B was going to solve the problem. But first, like an idiot, I had to get up close because the spider looked so darn big....

and it was a CENTIPEDE!!

which caused me to run screaming like the girl I am going AHHHHHH and EEEEEEE and KILL IT NOW - NOWWWWWWW!!!!

B decided it was not that urgent and that he would go to the bathroom first so I guarded the centipede from afar to make sure it did not move. B killed it. One down.

Until yesterday when I found one in the kitchen sink. WTF? They are taking over. This also involved screaming and death threats such as:


and he did.

As did the huge big black ant the size of a bee yesterday that met his fate down the toilet.

What the heck is going on?

As for the bug that I first referenced that B found "strange," I don't know what it is and B has wisely not proceeded to find out.

It was probably a centipede.

Aren't bugs supposed to hide or die in the summer?

Maybe if I transport these two huge spiderwebs on either side of our garage into our house, the big spiders that they house will take care of our bug problem?

Our spiders are symmetrical, if anything.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Ding Dong the Drapes Are Gone!

I am sure I do not have to post an original picture of our master bedroom drapes for you regular readers to remember how atrocious they truly were. But, for those of you new to the blog, I will post one so you don't have to follow a link.

Look at these beauties that the prior owners left us:

You are loving them, I know it. With that carpet, what is not to love? Well, we hung on to them WAY too long. It was easy - they were there, they fit, they kept out the cold and the light and, more importantly, we did not know what to replace them with.

Until we visited Ikea to buy my desk. Then we found what I thought were the perfect drapes. I immediately walked over and stroked them and declared the shopping trip a victory. Soft, with the gray from the room, but also cream, black and blue. Take a look:

Quite the improvement, right? So you are thinking, well Dani those are awfully LONG. Yes, they are. They only came in one size. You know what that means? Dani has to hem them. Think about THAT for a moment. Dani does not even sew. Lucky for me the Swedish must know this and provided some handy little strips that I am supposed to iron on to hem them. As you can see, I have yet to do this. However, it will be done soon as I keep tripping on the ones by the larger window and I would hate for B to take a big spill in the early morning hours.

And just because I love how they look with the sun shining in, here are some more shots:

This is my favorite - sun and a breeze coming in. So romantic in a conservative stripey way.

Before I could stop him, B sent the old drapes to the great garbage pail in the sky. I thought we should have sent them to Goodwill. B had a different opinion "Who would want THOSE?"

Probably people that were too lazy to get anything else for four months.

You know, us.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Hey Babe, I'm Getting Stuff Done!

You all know that if I am awakened while in a deep sleep or dreaming, I say some off the wall stuff. Remember when I told B to be careful not to knock the lamp off the bed? That's what I am talking about. So the other day B came in really early to say goodbye before he left for work:

B: Bye
Me: Hey babe, I'm getting stuff done!
Me: Wait...what?
B: What are you talking about?
Me: I have no idea.
B: Okay, well you just keep "getting stuff done" then.

I didn't tell him that at the time I was dreaming that I was mowing our roof and that the lawn mower had three wheels like a tricycle with the back wheel being the big fat plastic circle kind found on children's toys.

I wish I could say it was the pain meds from the surgery, but I hadn't even taken any.

Monday, May 25, 2009

Who Me? A Carrot?

This post is dedicated to fingers who pondered that the following plant would be carrots:

These are not carrots:

Nope, not carrots. But plausible guess. The fact is, I dont think the prior people planted any vegetables, despite that crazy garden gate. I think it is all flowers, all the time.

See what I mean? Here are some more new ones:

A blossoming rose bush ( one of the few remaining as most were by the driveway where we got out of our cars and would prick us every time. Bastards!):

More tulips. Never enough tulips:

I have been told these are rhododendrons:

And they will bloom soon:

Good thing I took all of these pictures as B decided he wanted to dig things up and "move them around." He likes things to be in certain groups. He likes order. And here, at least, he is in charge:

Full view of backyard and the neighbors' house, you know, the ones who scoffed at my cat picture taking. More on them later:

And the side view. Notice the neighbors' gorgeous purple lillies. One day ours will bloom too, although we do not have as many:

Happy Memorial Day everyone! Enjoy the weather and the flowers where you are.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Passing the No Gall Bladder Test, One Food at a Time

So far, these are the foods my body has found acceptable to process post gall bladder removal:

Honey Nut Cheerios
Healthy Choice meal
Tapioca pudding
Mom's potato soup

Taste testing done. My diet is complete.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Doesn't Everyone Have a Cat Porch?

Once we got the swing all set up, we went outside to enjoy it. The cats came with. Since B had fixed all of the screens and the porch has a door, the cats were in heaven. They absolutely love to look out the windows at all of the birds as demonstrated below by Chester:

In fact, they love it so much so that they cry at the door like they are dogs. You know what I love? Quiet cats. Not ones that cry at the doors like dogs. However, if I do let them out on the porch, they will happily sit out there for HOURS. Especially Chester. Occasionally you will hear the thwap thwap thwap of his little paws running across the porch in pursuit of a bird and B claims to have heard him crash up against the screen in chase, but I have not yet seen this occur.

As the cats are so happy to be out there and we are so happy when they are quiet, I mean happy, B decided to take it a step further and make it easier for them to look out without standing on their hind legs. Yes, he gave them a perch. A shelf to be exact:

Now they can sit out there all day. Of course there is only one and they have to fight over it, but since Chester is out there the most, he is on it the most. Don't you love how Chester is looking at me in the above pic like "another picture" and then at Mooch in the below pic like "is this lady insane with the pics"? Apparently so, because right after this picture was taken, I noticed our backyard neighbors staring right at me. I waved. They laughed. They think I am nuts. They are probably right.

The one and only time of sharing on the porch:

And this picture just for kicks because I love how the light got Chester's face.

Now, I have to say, it is not all fun times and happy dances on the back porch. Chester will tell you. In fact, it was the first day out on the porch. B and I decided to go get something to eat and exited out the front door which is rare because our cars are usually in the back. We locked up. We left. We ate.

Two hours later, we arrived home to find Chester locked out of the house and on the back porch. We were shocked and then we laughed. Chester did not laugh. In fact he cowered and would not come near us for a good 15 minutes.

We are awful cat parents.

Friday, May 22, 2009

Spare Parts? I Have a Few

I recently had my gallbladder removed. As recent as Tuesday. Apparently you can live without your gallbladder. You know what is hard to live with? A barely functioning gallbladder. Makes you feel like shit, sometimes literally. So that bugger had to go. Three small cuts later and a big LASER*, and I am gallbladder free.

While I was in the hospital being prepared for this planned surgery, it reminded me of the last time I had some parts removed, namely my appendix. Apparently you do not need that either. In fact, it is so unnecessary the doctor could not even tell me its function. Apparently my appendix's function was to fail. Miserably.

Unlike my current surgery, the appendix was much more emergent. It all started with an attack that I did not recognize until much later that left me in such excruciating pain that I had to have my dad come get me to drive me to the doctor. By the time we got to his office, the pain was gone and all was well. Luckily the next attack waited about 6 months or this surgery would have been performed in the Dominican Republic and more like something from Turistas than something involving a LASER.

The night of my unbeknownst-to-me-surgery, I went to bed feeling fine. Within an hour I felt like crap and it just continued to get worse. Nothing I did made it better. Not trips to the toilet, cool wet rags, lying perfectly still. Of course it took me about 5 hours to realize that the sickness and pain were actually getting worse and were concentrated to the center of my stomach. So, of course, I got up and checked WebMd. Sure enough, sounded like my appendix. I decided it was ER time. In my pain riddled and delusional state, I decided I was going to drive myself. So I woke up B:

Me: Hey, I have to go to the hospital. I will be back later.
B: What?
Me: I am in a lot of pain and it is getting worse. I need to get to the hospital.
B: Do you want me to drive you?
Me: I don't care. I just have to go.
B: Give me 5 minutes.

By the time the 5 minutes were up (and it actually could have been less), I was lying on the living room floor in a ball. Yeah, I wasn't driving anywhere. Off we went to the hospital.

Here is what you need to know from there:
  • We arrived at 4 am. They did not diagnose me until 4 pm. 12 hours later.
  • They gave me stupid tests like a gyno exam
  • They then lost my tests
  • I threw up around 11 and felt 100% better and figured there was nothing wrong with me
  • They didn't go get B from the lobby until around noon
  • B had to rifle through my purse to find money for cookies to eat
  • I ate nothing
  • They did not give me one sip of water during that time (actually worked out well considering surgery).
  • I had just sent B off to work when the doctor told me I needed surgery.
  • I interrupted the doctor to call B back to the hospital. The doctor did not like that
  • After being diagnosed at 4 pm, I did not go into surgery until 8 pm.
The appendix came out without a hitch and within a week I was feeling good. Probably in large part due to Mooch's nursing which involved laying directly on my stomach where the stitches were for three days straight. On day four he left, so I figured I was better.

Other things B and I learned in the hospital:
  • the whole seen in 30 minute rule - yeah, INITIALLY seen. After that it could be hours
  • doctors do really say things like "I have some good news and some bad news"
  • in my case the good news was "we found your tests!" (too bad you didn't tell me you lost them) and the bad news was "we have to remove your appendix"
  • having a catheter inserted is uncomfortable
  • however it is not excruciatingly painful as the girl next to me made it out to be. Not sure how she planned on birthing that baby she was carrying if she could not handle a catheter
  • some people believe that having an ultrasound is so that the baby "floats so you can see it better"
  • some people will wait 3 days before coming to the ER with ALL signs of a heart attack and prior heart issues because their doctor said to "ask for him and he wasn't here"
  • some people will wait until both of their feet are swollen three times their size, purple and falling off before telling the ER there might be a problem

Ahhh...memories. This is also the story I pull out against B every now and then "remember the time you didn't think I needed to go to the hospital?" Because he totally didn't believe that I needed to go and my whole feeling better later did nothing to dissuade him from that belief.

Despite his belief that I may not have needed to go to the hospital, he did take me. That is what you do when you are in love.

Or at least when one of you is curled up on the ball moaning.

*I dont know if a laser is actually involved, but I like to think that it is and say it like Austin Powers LASER. B loves it. Just ask him.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

If It's Too Hot in the House, Go Lay in Some Fur

It is hot in here. No, I have not channelled Nelly. It is truly hot in here. Big old house, 80 degree weather, second floor office/TV room. It gets a bit warm.

B and I are in the market for some air. As in the next few weeks before it gets in the 90s. This has involved many different level of dorky men parading around my house and telling me what they can do for me. None of it is exciting:

95% efficiency
tax credits
dual pump

I cannot believe I retained as much knowledge as I did. Soon I will be selling a/c units. Well, that might be a stretch.

Meanwhile, the cats are lying around morosely acting as if we are killing them by their very being in this house. Chester lays on his back panting and whining. I just step over him and shout "suck it up."

So, imagine my surprise when earlier, just as I thought "it sure is getting hot in here" I watched Mooch climb into his FUR LINED box and cuddle in for a nap.

That cat done lost his mind.

Monday, May 11, 2009

My Brother is a Bad Ass!

My brother recently decided to follow in the footsteps of our father, our three uncles, our grandfather and his cousin and become a firefighter. He embarked on a 10 week fire academy program that was very strenuous and stressful and quite a physical challenge. Last week we were able to attend what they called "Family Night" and what I called "Bro's Big Skit." It was a chance for the trainees to show us what they learned. It was quite a night and we have never been so proud.

The first shot shows the guy on the left demonstrating sliding head first down the ladder. My bro can be seen at the bottom of the right ladder holding it for the guy climbing up it:

Next, my bro demonstrated how to carry an unconscious person down the ladder. Of course, he was carrying another student who was NOT unconscious which resulted in the instructor repeatedly yelling "YOU ARE UNCONSCIOUS!" and "DO NOT GRAB THE LADDER WITH YOUR HAND" which was quite humorous. My bro got the man down safely:

While the next demonstration was going on, the instructor had the remaining guys hunker down. Totally my phrase for it. I don't know what it is really called, but I do like the way my camera picked up their reflectors: My brother is the one in the middle with the frosted looking shield:

Next, they saved this dummy from a burning building:

Then it was time for a BIG fire:

And the guys had to put it out:

They then impressed us with their mad push up skills. Again, the reflectors are so cool:

And when it was over, we got to visit with my bro. The reason his shield is frosted is because he had to put out that big fire above before we got there and it actually burned him. Thank goodness for the shield!

The fire also got his arm and left his jacket with this cool flame like pattern:

Bro wasn't too fond of the not so cool blisters that he got on his shoulder and knuckles, however. He classified those as "only" first and second degree burns. Tough guy!

And, of course, I have been having camera issues lately with my memory card eating some of my pictures. It chose, on this day, to eat the picture of my brother and dad together after the demonstration. And although I took two of every thing else, I only took one here. Not to be deterred, I grabbed B's camera and took a picture of my camera. It is not the best picture and bro is a little grainy, but it isn't totally awful:

With only a week until graduation left, my bro went back to his side job at a catering hall when, wouldn't you know it, some lady fell, hit her head and was bleeding. Part of the training at the academy was as a first responder so my bro was able to jump into duty and assess the situation, keeping her calm until the fire department arrived. I am surrounded by heroes!

Soon enough, it was time for graduation, this past Friday. Here he is in his dress academy uniform:

And here is my Dad dressed in a suit and wearing his badge as he was able to present my brother's graduation certificate to him as he is a retired Chief:

My Dad presenting bro with his certificate:

And posing for me. These pictures were hard to take because I only had a short period of time and the lighting was awful:

See? My brother IS a bad ass. And a hero! We are so very proud of him!!

On another note, what am I to do with all of these heroes around me? First my Dad, then B, now bro? I am going to have to step up to the plate. I am going to have to find a horrendous car accident, with a guy who has been shot, administer aid to a woman who got knocked down in the madness and has a bloody head, then jump into a spinning car with a baby inside while calling 911 and inadvertently stopping a robbery in progress only to follow the robber down the street and continue telling 911 where they are headed.

Piece of cake.

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