Love in an Elevator

More like stuck in an elevator! I have been very fortunate, up until now, to never have had the pleasure to be stuck in an elevator. You would know what a feat this is, if you knew the kind of elevators I travel in on a weekly, and sometimes, daily basis. Old, old buildings and courthouses. I had often heard of people getting stuck, but liked to pretend that it wouldn't happen to me. Well, guess what happened today? You got it ~~ stuck in an elevator.

Now, I was the first one in the elevator and naturally moved to the far back corner. Don't ever do this! Trust me. Always stay in front. Since it was a busy day at court, people were literally smashing themselves in the elevator. We move up a couple of floors. Some people get off, but even more people get on. At that very moment I think "we are going to get stuck." Apparently the doors would not shut (a bad sign), so the two men in front FORCED THEM SHUT. Are you kidding me? Now we are stuck. We will not go up, we will not go down. The doors will not open. Nothing happens.

Instantly, it is is like 100 degrees in there. All I can think about is how Q told me that she was stuck in an elevator recently for an hour and a half. I think I will pass out. We are so crowded in that I cannot even reach down to my briefcase to get to my phone. People are asking if anyone has a signal. Some crazy lady starts yelling about how we are stuck (obviously) and that those guys should not have forced the door shut (no kidding) and how we will be lucky if we do not plummet to the ground. Nice. Now some girl is panicking. The elevator drops a bit. Oh boy. Two minutes pass by and we have two people shouting into their cell phones. Crazy lady is calling the judge to say she will be late (it hasn't even been five minutes) and to tell the judge's clerk that we are stuck because there is too much weight and we will surely fall. The guy next to me is yelling at his secretary to call the court because he is stuck and will be late. Meanwhile, there is a man in front who has astutely pressed the call button. Come to find out it is serviced by people in another state. That puts more people in a panic. But the lady calmly tells him to press some buttons. It doesn't do anything, but strangely it calms me. At least we are doing something.

So, the call person cannot hear the guy who is pushing the buttons because crazy lady won't get off her cell phone. Now there are people yelling at her, so the call person REALLY cannot hear. Finally, they tell us someone is on the way. I proceed to announce to the whole elevator that the minute the doors open I am outta here and not setting foot on another elevator in this building. No one seems fazed by my announcement. The doors start to open ~~ people stick their hands out. They get yelled at. Finally, they are able to open the doors about half way, but enough that you can get through. People start to leave. I, however, am blocked by a gaggle of people just standing there. Finally, I say "plan on leaving" and some guy actually asks if I think the elevator will start working now. HELLO??? The doors will only open half way. I say "If you are crazy enough to stay on this elevator, be my guest, but get the hell out of my way."

Finally, I am free! I then have to walk up 10 flights of stairs to my courtroom. Me and some guy. He was ahead of me for about three flights of stairs, but then his briefcase became too much for him. By the time I get to the courtroom, I am out of breath and attempting to tell the bailiff why I am there. I vow to walk all 17 flights of stairs down when I leave.

So, after sitting there for a while, it is time to go. I no longer want to walk 17 flights of stairs. I cautiously get on the elevator. I stay to the front. I notice it is not crowded. I start to feel okay. Then I feel a tap on my shoulder. It is my staircase buddy. He says "this is NOT a good sign, you and I on the same elevator together." We have a bond, him and I. Unfortunately, I do not want to bond again in another elevator incident so I close my eyes and hope for the best.

I did it. I made it down without incident. Then I went back to the office and berated the person whose conference I was covering. Not really. But I did tell him he owes me one.