It's Not My Fault That Your Hair Is Buggy.

It all started with a dream I had last week.  A bad dream. A creepy dream. One that stayed with me for so long the next day, I told everyone, including B, about it while repeatedly shaking and saying something along the lines of "BLAHHAYYYY". Whatever that means.  The dream in question? It went a little something like this:

I notice that flies keep getting stuck in my hair and the buzzing is driving me crazy. My Dad tells me maybe I should start brushing it. I tell him I just brushed it that morning and could he please just help me get them out. Then my hand goes by my ear and I feel a tickle. I pull a fly out of the inside of my ear, and then another. They are coming from my ears. My Dad and brother refuse to go to the hospital with me, both saying they have to work. I scream THERE ARE FLIES LIVING IN MY EARS!! They are not affected.

Fast forward to today. B and I are outside with the dogs when he nonchalantly says as walking away, "There's a bug in your hair." When I responded predictably with outright horror and a shriek "ARE YOU SERIOUS? WHERE? GET IT OUT! OUT!," he just shrugged and said "somewhere."  He would not even respond to my pleas to get it out.  Can you believe this? What is wrong with the men in my life and in my dreams? Where are the gentlemen that would help a woman get a bug out of her hair? Not in my life apparently. You know what B said in response to all of this?  I will give you one hint, it is the title of this post.

Speaking of this post, I know B will probably say that he cannot believe I "wasted" a post on a dream and a stupid bug in my hair when I could be telling you and showing you about our awesome vacation.  True.  You know what my response to that is? We took too many damn pictures. Seriously. Who takes almost 2000 pictures?  I need time to figure out what to present to you so that you will not think that we have lost our damn minds.  

So stay tuned.

How to Rock the Family Reunion

Before the reunion, learn your Dad plans on bringing ice cream. To a picnic. In a cooler. Declare that to be overboard and very involved in planning (dry ice, wet ice, ice ice - too much to think about).

1:35: Arrive late. Pretend that you are not late. Shout out "we've arrived" so that people think that you think that you are not late.

1:36: Wonder where the heck all of the people are? Pretend you don't notice half the family is missing.

1:38: Tell them you brought ice cream. Find out that everyone thinks that is a brilliant idea.

1:40: Accept many accolades. Thank them graciously.

1:45: Finally admit it was your Dad's idea. To your Mom who already knew.

1:46: Remember there is no ice cream scoop.

1:47: Tell everyone that the ice cream was your Dad's idea and they will have to eat it with their fingers.

1:48: Text husband. Ask him to bring ice cream scoop.

1:49: Wonder where husband is.

1:50: Wonder where the #@#^@&^ the family is.

1:51: Get distracted by a brownie.

1:52: Assure Mom she is not a jinx since half the family didn't come the one time she decided to make an appearance. Totally coincidental. Totally.

1:54: Hug, kiss, catch up.

3:00: Time to eat.

3:01: Wonder where husband is.

3:02: Declare hubby cannot eat when he shows up since he is nowhere to be found.

3:10: See husband pull in. Glare in his direction.

3:12: See him come in waving an ice cream scoop.

3:13: Whoop loudly and declare him a hero while clapping.

3:14: Family joins in clapping. They don't know why. Hell, they may not even know who husband is or why he is there.

3:15: Eat. And have a brownie.

3:30: Hug, kiss, catch up.

4:00: Watch husband get his ass handed to him by a 4 year old in cow's balls.*

4:10: Listen to the 4 year old brag about it.

4:12: Listen to husband declare they weren't keeping score.

4:30: Watch your father and other adults beat up kids during volleyball.

Well okay, there it looked like my brother was getting beat up.

Nice action shot there. Great poise for a serve A.

My brother sure doesn't look like he is doing much, does he?

Again, with the waiting around. As you can see, that was action packed.

4:31: Take pictures to be used as evidence later. (See above).

4:33: Video it with your camera. (Do not look for a video on this post. See below).

4:43: Remember you don't know how to transfer video to your computer.

4:44: Say that and other things while videotaping.

4:45: Realize husband is oddly silent. Realize he doesn't want to be heard on the video.

4:46: Get distracted by a brownie.

4:50: Watch ice cream become a hit! Note to self: Buy huge boxes of Dove ice cream bars next time, you will be a hero.

5:00: Watch husband decide to juggle bocci balls.

5:01: Caution him about breaking his finger.

5:10: Almost get brained by your husband with a bocci ball.

5:11: Watch it instead hit the metal pole making a bell like sound.

5:12: Watch everyone look at you for a speech.

5:13: Announce "thank you all for coming..."

5:15: Watch everyone realize husband is trying to juggle.

5:16: Watch husband choose smaller balls.

5:21: Listen to them ask why he has his back to them the entire time.

5:22: Assure them it is because you are taking pictures and husband is camera shy.

5:23: Start singing circus music.

5:25: Clap with the family as husband juggles.

5:20: Listen to the family clap to encourage him.

5:30: Watch people leave.

5:35: Play with a volleyball with husband which is more like playing dodge ball, soccer, and football all in one.

5:36: Wonder how many bruises you will wake up to in the morning.

5:40: Watch husband leave.

5:45: Catch up with the remaining family and plan next year's event. Discuss how to coerce, threaten and bribe the rest of the family to attend.

6:45: Arrive home exhausted from too much fresh air and brownies.

Same time next year?**

*I guess it is really called Ladder Golf, but we were playing with children so Cow's Balls sounded so much more appropriate.

**I am talking to YOU family. Yes, you the ones that did not show up. A 4 year old had to play with a...well...not quite 4 year old. How wrong is that? Well, he did win. I guess he's okay with that.

Of Cottages, Bears and Kayaks...How We Spent the Fourth of July

Typically, we do not do anything exciting for the 4th of July as B is always working. The fact is B works every day and the summer is his busiest season. Thus, we do not get many trips until fall or winter. Occasionally he can steal away for a day or two but the last time I recall that happening over a holiday weekend was when we first met (which is a whole other story for a different day). Somehow, this year, B bribed someone or something and got the actual 4th of July off. What made it even better is that his parents just purchased a cottage up north. So off we went!

At first I thought I forgot my camera (oh the horror!) but I later found it in my bag. So you get some pictures:

The view from the property complete with the kayak that was purchased the day before:

Some beautiful wildflowers growing on the property:

B testing out his kayak skills:

And later donning a matching hat. Planned?

More view:

The cottage, complete with floor to ceiling windows which are perfect for looking out on the lake, or lounging around and taking a nap (right B?):

Where I spent my time:

Can you see the butterfly? I suck at up close photos. I blame the camera, however:

The former owners of the property, or at least of the dock:

Seriously those ducks would not leave. Everyone tried to scare them off. They would squawk and just come back. B's Dad decided to try out the kayak:

And try to scare the ducks:

Alas, it didn't work.

Later we went to a graduation/bbq and got to see a bear made out of a giant tree trunk. Look how cool:

He was made with a chainsaw by a guy who does it as a hobby. A hobby. Dude, I cannot even hem no sew curtains (again, another post) and this guy makes a 6 foot bear?

I cry unfair.

My Brother is a Bad Ass!

My brother recently decided to follow in the footsteps of our father, our three uncles, our grandfather and his cousin and become a firefighter. He embarked on a 10 week fire academy program that was very strenuous and stressful and quite a physical challenge. Last week we were able to attend what they called "Family Night" and what I called "Bro's Big Skit." It was a chance for the trainees to show us what they learned. It was quite a night and we have never been so proud.

The first shot shows the guy on the left demonstrating sliding head first down the ladder. My bro can be seen at the bottom of the right ladder holding it for the guy climbing up it:

Next, my bro demonstrated how to carry an unconscious person down the ladder. Of course, he was carrying another student who was NOT unconscious which resulted in the instructor repeatedly yelling "YOU ARE UNCONSCIOUS!" and "DO NOT GRAB THE LADDER WITH YOUR HAND" which was quite humorous. My bro got the man down safely:

While the next demonstration was going on, the instructor had the remaining guys hunker down. Totally my phrase for it. I don't know what it is really called, but I do like the way my camera picked up their reflectors: My brother is the one in the middle with the frosted looking shield:

Next, they saved this dummy from a burning building:

Then it was time for a BIG fire:

And the guys had to put it out:

They then impressed us with their mad push up skills. Again, the reflectors are so cool:

And when it was over, we got to visit with my bro. The reason his shield is frosted is because he had to put out that big fire above before we got there and it actually burned him. Thank goodness for the shield!

The fire also got his arm and left his jacket with this cool flame like pattern:

Bro wasn't too fond of the not so cool blisters that he got on his shoulder and knuckles, however. He classified those as "only" first and second degree burns. Tough guy!

And, of course, I have been having camera issues lately with my memory card eating some of my pictures. It chose, on this day, to eat the picture of my brother and dad together after the demonstration. And although I took two of every thing else, I only took one here. Not to be deterred, I grabbed B's camera and took a picture of my camera. It is not the best picture and bro is a little grainy, but it isn't totally awful:

With only a week until graduation left, my bro went back to his side job at a catering hall when, wouldn't you know it, some lady fell, hit her head and was bleeding. Part of the training at the academy was as a first responder so my bro was able to jump into duty and assess the situation, keeping her calm until the fire department arrived. I am surrounded by heroes!

Soon enough, it was time for graduation, this past Friday. Here he is in his dress academy uniform:

And here is my Dad dressed in a suit and wearing his badge as he was able to present my brother's graduation certificate to him as he is a retired Chief:

My Dad presenting bro with his certificate:

And posing for me. These pictures were hard to take because I only had a short period of time and the lighting was awful:

See? My brother IS a bad ass. And a hero! We are so very proud of him!!

On another note, what am I to do with all of these heroes around me? First my Dad, then B, now bro? I am going to have to step up to the plate. I am going to have to find a horrendous car accident, with a guy who has been shot, administer aid to a woman who got knocked down in the madness and has a bloody head, then jump into a spinning car with a baby inside while calling 911 and inadvertently stopping a robbery in progress only to follow the robber down the street and continue telling 911 where they are headed.

Piece of cake.