Just Another Night Where Someone Loses An Eye But No One Does Anything About It

Last night around 11 or so, I came downstairs to tell B a few things:

B: What's up?

Me: I have a list of things I have to say...

B: Are they about Black Swan?

Me: We could start there. That movie was stupid. Stupid! Maybe it didn't help that I had an idea of what was happening the whole time, even though I still don't know what happened.  Or that I knew the ending. But it was STUPID! I just wasted one hour and 48  minutes of my life when I could have been watching my DVR.

Me: Speaking of DVR, Franklin & Bash is FUNNY.

B: You watch Franklin & Bash?

Me: YES! And it is FUNNY.  Really, how could you go wrong with the comedic timing of Breckin Meyer and John Paul Gosselar.

B: Mark-Paul

Me: What?

B: His name is Mark-Paul not John Paul.

Me: John Paul sounds more French.

B: He is not French.

Me: Yes, he is. I looked it up. French Canadian.*

B: You looked him up and you still don't know his name?

Me: Whatever? Next up. My butt hurts like I walked many miles in it but really it is just from sitting on my ass. I don't know if that is sad or awesome so I am going with awesome.

Me: Also, I had a dream last night that Chester lost an eyeball. He scooted into the room holding it out to me. I alternated between screaming AHHHHHHHHH and saying "it will be okay Chester."  Guess who didn't come to help me although he was in the next room? That's right! You!  OUR CAT HAD NO EYEBALL. NO EYEBALL!!!

B:  Going to bed?

Me: Yep.

B: Night.

Me: Night.

/scene

*Actually he is not French or Canadian or even French Canadian. He was born to a Dutch born father and an Indonesian born mother. What up with the hypenated French sounding name parents? Way to confuse someone who is only half paying attention.**

**Yes, I had to go look that up. Again!

Sex, Marry or Kill - Dexter Edition. Which Would You Choose?

Hey Dexter fans!

Tonight is the season premiere, in about a half hour.  I, sadly, will not be watching it with you as we are in a fight with our cable company and the end result so far is no Showtime.  Go figure.  Luckily, I was asked to write an advance review for Daemon's TV and was able to watch the first three episodes of this season.  You can read my review here.

I think this is going to be a fantastic season. I liked what I have seen so far.  If you watch it, come back and tell me what you thought or leave a comment on my review.

On to more pressing matters...

As I was watching the new episodes, I kept saying to myself, "I LOVE Dexter." And I do. But that got me thinking - could I REALLY love Dexter? Like LOVE, LOVE? As in 'til death do us part?

Here's the thing. He is a serial killer.  But he only kills bad people?  But he loves doing it. And he only kills bad people because he was told that is how he should do it to avoid getting caught. If not for the code, wouldn't he just kill anyone without a second thought?  Therein lies the conflict.

Could you be with a killer if you knew he/she would only kill those that truly deserved it? Could you trust that person?  Would that person make you feel safe or terrified? I have my own thoughts, but would love to hear what you have to say.

So, let's start it out this way.  If you HAD to choose one, which would you choose to do with a serial killer?

1. Have sex
2. Marry
3. Kill

For the ladies, it is Dexter or someone like him. For the men, it is the female version of Dexter who is smoking hot.

Take it away...which would you choose?

And then check out what Daemon's readers would choose here.

It is Like that Movie Mean Girls Except No One Knows What the Hell I Am Talking About!

The other day I was at a fundraiser with people from work. I looked over and gasped* when I saw a guy that looked like the principal** in Mean Girls. Here, I have a clip below - fast forward to 3:17, unless you really love Mean Girls and want to watch all of the scenes like I do. Word of warning, there is loud music involved with this video for some unknown reason so mute on your speakers would be a good idea.

Principal:

Anyway, back to the fundraiser. Enter the principal guy, but quite a bit taller. Enter my huge gasp. Then enter a big fat FAIL when no one there had ever seen Mean Girls!

Are you kidding me?

One of the greatest movies, in my opinion, and definitely one of the greatest movies Lindsay Lohan has ever been in (and probably ever will be).

I just wanted to scream "BOO! Whore."*** But what was the point? They never saw the movie.

That made me sad. I even found the youngest person there and he hadn't seen it. Yes, he was a guy. But B has seen Mean Girls.

Hasn't everyone? Please tell me that my office is some kind of anomaly and that everyone else on Earth has seen this movie at least once (or 500 times like myself)?

I refuse to believe otherwise.

*I gasp a lot. Seriously. B loves it. He really loves it when he makes me gasp. And I mean that in a totally non-sexual way. Pervs!

**Then they kept asking me what his name is - I don't know! (It is Tim Meadows). Then they would ask what other movies he was in - a lot! I don't know their names! (turns out not that many, but a lot of TV show appearances).

**What's your favorite line from Mean Girls? I want a bunch of Mean Girls comment quotes!!

Special Breakthrough Post: Check Out My Review of This Week's Episode of Pretty Little Liars

I have another guest review up at Daemon's TV for this week's episode of Pretty Little Liars. I am really loving this show! It is on at 8:00 p.m. on ABC Family and this was only the third episode of the entire show, so you still have time to watch it and catch up. Join me, won't you? I promise you will like it.

Read my review here.

Now back to our regularly scheduled posting...

Special Breakthrough Post: Check Out My New Guest Post at Daemon's TV

Hey guys!

I have another guest post up at Daemon's TV this week. This time I reviewed the season premiere of HBO's show Hung. If you haven't watched it, you should give it a try. It has a bit of humor, a bit of drama, and a lot of sex. It also features Anne Heche who is always entertaining.

Anyhow, read my review here.

Now back to our regularly scheduled posting...

Special Breakthrough Post: Check Out My Guest Review of Pretty Little Liars

Hey everyone! I wrote a guest review for Daemon's TV. The review is of yesterday's episode (#3) of Pretty Little Liars on ABC Family TV. If you have been watching the show or just want to read my review, please head on over.

While you are there, check out the other reviews and articles (and contests!).

Now back to our regularly scheduled posting...

It's All Full of Hilarity Until the Weather Interrupts Your Movie Watching Time

I saw this video about a week ago and thought it was absolutely hilarious. This woman called the TV station to complain about the weather guy interrupting the season finale of Criminal Minds to alert viewers of severe weather. After all, he could have just waited until a commercial, right?

Take a listen:

My favorite parts included:

"This is nowhere near ME"

to the ultimate:

"I really don't care about THOSE people"

That much is obvious.

And so I forwarded this video on and made fun of the video. I talked about how the lady was all "ME, ME, ME" and had no empathy for those that could be in the midst of a tornado or something. I thought I would NEVER be like this lady. After all, which is more important TV or life? Well, I thought I knew the answer.

Until last night.

There I was watching From Dusk Til Dawn for about the 17th billion time when it was interrupted with a LOUD beep and an old 80s looking computer font thing that said there was a severe weather warning for my county until 10 minutes from then. I listened carefully to make sure it was nowhere near me and got only mildly irritated when I realized it wasn't and that I was missing the sexy strip dance with Salma Hayek.

Then the second interruption came five minutes later to let me know that it had expanded to another county. Again, nowhere near me. Because it came so fast on the heels of the last one, I may have muttered "Really?"

Then the third interruption came five minutes later. This one brought news of a tornado funnel being seen. WAY far away from me, although I listened carefully to make sure it was not me. To this I said, "Okay..."

Let me tell you, though, after TWO more interruptions, both of which were identical to each other and, actually, identical to the very first one, I actually screamed "COME ONNN!!!"

Yes, I became that woman. I thought things like "Don't they know this is the GOOD part?" and "This weather is nowhere near me!" and "I should just go to flippin' bed if I am just staying up to hear a bunch of beeping!"

In my defense, I did not call the cable station and yell at them. I am intelligent enough to know how important severe weather alerts are to those in the area.

But, if it had been the series finale of Lost, I cannot say what I would have done...

Please Don't Betty White Me. Well, You Can, and I Will Be Flattered, But I Will Decline

I know I am late to this bandwagon, but what else is new? However, it was just this last week that something I heard on a radio show made me stop to think a little bit more about this Betty White situation.

As you all know, there was a facebook campaign to get Saturday Night Live to invite Betty White to host the show. This was a big deal because Betty White is in her 80s, a fantastic actress, but has never hosted the show. The campaign was successful and Betty was a hit.

Now, though, people are getting carried away. There is a facebook campaign to have her host the Emmys and the Oscars. I am sure next it will be the Grammys and Dick Clark's New Year's Eve. But, has anyone stopped to ask Betty White if she wants all of this? Maybe she doesn't want to host the Emmys or the Oscars or the Grammys or any number of things people are surely sitting around concocting facebook campaigns for. How do we know?

Yes, I am sure she is honored. She is also in her 80s. She has been an actress for decades. Maybe she wants to relax, garden, surf the net. Maybe she doesn't want to spend hours and hours practicing for hosting gigs. We will never know, though, will we? No one has stopped to ask her.

Well, let me make it clear to you all. I don't want a facebook campaign to do something cool that somehow turns into a landslide of campaigns of more things to do which are less and less cool and more and more work. That is not fun to me. Fun to me is watching a good movie that you have to rewind four times because you keep falling asleep under a comfy blanket because it is raining out and it is Sunday and Monday is a holiday. THAT is fun.

You know what I want? Certainly love and adoration, but quieter and more subdued. And no facebook campaigns.

Unless the facebook campaign involves something that would allow me to watch more movies under comfy blankets and no work on Mondays.

In that case, campaign away!*

*If anyone could accomplish this, it would be my blog readers, you are the best!**

**That is not a bribe, you really are the best and I love you.***

***But if you can make that happen, I would love you even more.

Lazy Days Equal Watching Actual Children Reenact The Hills (Not Just the Usual "Children" That Star on the Show)

Today was a lazy day, so you get a lazy post. If you have ever watched The Hills, you know how utterly terrible the acting can be. Below, watch some kids reenact some scenes. You will be amazed at what better actors they are.

My favorite parts? How the girl playing Audrina is always looking up and how Heidi goes from being plastic to just being an actual Barbie doll at the end.

Apparently I Am Still Psychic. This is Good News. But Only for Celebrities.

The other day I was driving down the street, which is a time when all good thoughts find me, when I was suddenly slapped by this thought:

Madonna is now single. Sean Penn is now single. They really loved each other once. I wonder if they will get back together again. Remember that time he punched out the paps? He can be rather mean. Or tough. How sexy.

Okay, that was more than one thought. But, then I came home and I read this.

Well, well, well. I am on to something. My psychic ability knows no bounds. Unless you consider only the lives of celebrities as a bounds. Frankly, I don't. However, I am at a loss at to how to make this newfound ability profitable. Thoughts?

While you are thinking about that, let's discuss something else important and which probably made me think of Madonna and Sean Penn in the first place.

Dexter.

If you don't know this already, John Lithgow was on the latest season of Dexter playing a psychopath. I won't tell you what happens because I hate when people do that and the show is really not the point of this post. The point? B is convinced that John Lithgow is a serial killer in real life because he played one so well on TV. This led me to ponder what roles I see as being that of the "true" actor/actress. Here is what I have come up with:

Sean Penn is the character he played in Mystic River. See above.

Kate Hudson is her character from Almost Famous.

Sarah Michelle Gellar is the character from Buffy, but I think we all know and would agree with that.

Christian Bale is the character from American Psycho. Honestly, he can scare me. Did you hear that on-set rant?

Brad Pitt is his character from Seven. I know Brad would like me to say the character from the Oceans 11 franchise, but, sorry Brad, it isn't so.

Jersey Shore: Where MTV Kills My Brain Cells and My DVR Conspires Against Me

Have you watched MTV's latest show, Jersey Show? If not, you should. Yes, it will feel like you are losing brain cells at a rapid pace, but it will entertain you. Apparently I am late to this train as the show debuted last week with a two hour episode. Lucky for me, however, I have a husband that likes to stay on top of the latest trends and he DVR'd it. Even luckier, I happened to walk into the room in the middle of his viewing. I was transfixed for the next hour. I then ran upstairs to watch the newest episode and to set my DVR to record the entire season. I think I could watch this show on repeat for 24 hours a day, it is so ridiculous. Every viewing brings a new gem. Here are some things I found hilarious/sad/funny/pathetic/intriguing:

• Mike "The Situation" - I still do not understand his nickname, even when it was explained to me. However, it does lend itself to funny sentences such as when the host of the live after show said "Is it okay if I call you Mike? I am not comfortable with The Situation." Ha! Get it?
• All of the boys look the same with various degrees of less attractiveness. That sentence makes about as much sense as The Situation, but if you watch the show you will know exactly what I mean.
• Snickers (real nickname Snooki - but the boys were calling her snickers and it stuck with me) is quickly becoming my favorite character despite the fact that she looked like Barney Rubble in a dress the other day.
• Sometimes I cannot understand a word that is being said.
• What kind of nickname is "JWOWW"? Why the extra "W"? Even better, she uses that when being introduced to people. Side note: From now I am going to be known as DBADD. I will even use it in Court: "Good morning your Honor, DBADD appearing on behalf of the defendant." The other side will shake in their boots.
• Even though all of the girls on the show have made out with all of the boys and some of the girls, they think all other girls the guys pick up are skanks/sluts/whores.
• One guy is always without a shirt. In fact he ran home from the bar because he was "angry" and between reaching the stairs and opening the door, he had taken off his shirt.
• Another guy let a girl take off his shirt in the bar while they were dancing. She then felt ill and left the bar WITH HIS SHIRT. He mysteriously was wearing another one.
• Later, that same guy and girl made out. Actually, HE made out with her as she laid there looking like she was going to pass out. He then inexplicably showed her his penis. It was pierced. She has a boyfriend.
• She had a boyfriend.
• She also has the biggest, most massive fake breasts ever. When she declared "the tits are coming out tonight", she did not lie. She wore the tiniest strips of material that made B and I ponder how much double sided tape was involved.
• Another girl had a boyfriend who got mad that she was living with a bunch of boys so he broke up with her. He is married.
• Snickers has been wanting to have sex since she arrived. She found a friend in a bar and declared him a SURE THING. She brought him home and he puked on her floor. She kicked him out after ordering him to clean it up. She then walked him home. Such a gentleman.
• Some guy got pink eye and showed everyone. The other guy lamented about how contagious it is "you can even get it FROM THE AIR!" Um, wouldn't we all have pink eye then? He also lamented that the guy got it from sticking his face in some girl's @$$.
• Pink eye guy did dive between some woman's legs while "dancing" at the bar after declaring that he liked all women, fat, old or ugly. I am sure that woman feels blessed.

My summary, however, is nothing compared to this cartoon clip I found on You Tube:

Since I first saw this on Thursday, my DVR has taped it EVERY SINGLE DAY. I am not even kidding. I came home Friday at 6 pm and wondered what the DVR was taping - Jersey Shore. I heard the DVR click on Saturday at 2 pm and was puzzled - Jersey Shore. Then on Sunday around noon I noticed the taping light - Jersey Shore! And all were the first episode. This is despite the fact that I told it to only tape NEW episodes.

It's a conspiracy. A guido* conspiracy.

*I assure you that I only use that term because it is used every 5 seconds in the show. In fact, I was not even aware of the term guidette. Now I know. Now you know.

Any True Blood Lovers Out There?

I am getting ready to watch the latest episode of True Blood tonight and it got me wondering, are there any True Blood fans out there in my blogland?

Better yet, have any of you read the Sookie Stackhouse series that the show is based on?

Anyone?

If you can answer yes to any of the above, come share my latest obsession with me!

Oh, and more Eric please.

You May Call Me the Queen of Horror and Open Letter to CBS

Have you been watching Harper's Island?

If not, you have been missing out. The series finale was last night and not only was it exciting, tense, and sometimes puzzling, but...

it also proved that I am the Queen of Horror.

You see, for those who did not follow it, Harper's Island was a 13-episode show involving a group of childhood friends and their families going back to Harper's Island for a wedding of one of the couples. However, for one girl in particular, Abby, it was her first return to the island since a serial killer killed 6 people and strung them from trees, including Abby's mother. The series promised that one or more main characters would be killed each episode and it did not disappoint. It also hinted that the killer was among them. The characters began falling "one by one" in each episode (as the creepy child sang in the beginning) while viewers tried to decide who was the killer and/or killers. It was going to be like a mini horror movie spread out over a season and wrapped up at the end. You know I like me some horror movies.

I named a suspect on the Daemon's TV forums around the 5th episode. (Note: if you follow the link you will learn the plot and the name of the killer). I declared the person the killer numerous times again here, and here, and here. It turns out I am right, so I thereby anoint myself Queen.

For those of you who have not yet seen it and plan to watch it, I will not spoil it for you here.

For those of you who HAVE seen it and want to discuss it and the end, leave a comment! (Note: Comments may contain spoilers.)

And for those of you that like talking about and dissecting shows, go to Daemon's TV. It's a great site that has write ups on all of the current and upcoming shows and no, I am not paid to say that. I am currently following the True Blood reviews. Yes, I am a nerd.

And, now, an open letter to CBS:

Dear CBS:

Thank you for adding Harper's Island to your lineup. More importantly, thank you for seeing it through to the end. I know that it was quite the ratings disappointment which prompted you to move it to Saturday nights, but I, for one, am so happy you decided to run all 13 episodes for those loyal viewers. In fact, I believe those loyal viewers may have turned on more people to the show with each new episode.

There is nothing more disappointing than watching a series with an arc or mystery and getting invested in the characters, only to have the network drop it in the middle due to poor ratings and leaving the regular viewer with no answer, resolution or closure. Yes, Reunion* and FOX** I am looking at you!!***

So, for hanging in until the end....CBS, I thank you.

Dani

*Reunion was another mystery show about high school classmates, one of whom which was murdered, who reunite for their 20 year reunion and you had to piece together the puzzle of the murder and who you thought the killer was. They even waited until around the 5th or 6th episode to name the victim.

**FOX would be the network that, unlike CBS, decided to just cancel the show after disappointing ratings leaving viewers such as myself saying "WTF?" and "I hate you FOX". Well, maybe just me.

***I am still bitter over the whole thing.

What About Kate?

B came in the room the other day and said:

B: Did you hear Kate is coming to town?

Me: Kate who? [envisioning Katie Holmes shooting a movie]

B: Kate Gosselin.

Me: Oh my god. Why do you know this?

B: It is expensive to see her.

Me: Your DVR rights have been revoked. You are on notice.

*I will admit with all of the controversy surrounding the Gosselins and the show lately, I have been tuning in more. Less screaming kids and more drama? Sign me up!