Sunday, September 20, 2009

How to Rock the Family Reunion

Before the reunion, learn your Dad plans on bringing ice cream. To a picnic. In a cooler. Declare that to be overboard and very involved in planning (dry ice, wet ice, ice ice - too much to think about).

1:35: Arrive late. Pretend that you are not late. Shout out "we've arrived" so that people think that you think that you are not late.

1:36: Wonder where the heck all of the people are? Pretend you don't notice half the family is missing.

1:38: Tell them you brought ice cream. Find out that everyone thinks that is a brilliant idea.

1:40: Accept many accolades. Thank them graciously.

1:45: Finally admit it was your Dad's idea. To your Mom who already knew.

1:46: Remember there is no ice cream scoop.

1:47: Tell everyone that the ice cream was your Dad's idea and they will have to eat it with their fingers.

1:48: Text husband. Ask him to bring ice cream scoop.

1:49: Wonder where husband is.

1:50: Wonder where the #@#^@&^ the family is.

1:51: Get distracted by a brownie.

1:52: Assure Mom she is not a jinx since half the family didn't come the one time she decided to make an appearance. Totally coincidental. Totally.

1:54: Hug, kiss, catch up.

3:00: Time to eat.

3:01: Wonder where husband is.

3:02: Declare hubby cannot eat when he shows up since he is nowhere to be found.

3:10: See husband pull in. Glare in his direction.

3:12: See him come in waving an ice cream scoop.

3:13: Whoop loudly and declare him a hero while clapping.

3:14: Family joins in clapping. They don't know why. Hell, they may not even know who husband is or why he is there.

3:15: Eat. And have a brownie.

3:30: Hug, kiss, catch up.

4:00: Watch husband get his ass handed to him by a 4 year old in cow's balls.*

4:10: Listen to the 4 year old brag about it.

4:12: Listen to husband declare they weren't keeping score.

4:30: Watch your father and other adults beat up kids during volleyball.

Well okay, there it looked like my brother was getting beat up.

Nice action shot there. Great poise for a serve A.

My brother sure doesn't look like he is doing much, does he?

Again, with the waiting around. As you can see, that was action packed.

4:31: Take pictures to be used as evidence later. (See above).

4:33: Video it with your camera. (Do not look for a video on this post. See below).

4:43: Remember you don't know how to transfer video to your computer.

4:44: Say that and other things while videotaping.

4:45: Realize husband is oddly silent. Realize he doesn't want to be heard on the video.

4:46: Get distracted by a brownie.

4:50: Watch ice cream become a hit! Note to self: Buy huge boxes of Dove ice cream bars next time, you will be a hero.

5:00: Watch husband decide to juggle bocci balls.

5:01: Caution him about breaking his finger.

5:10: Almost get brained by your husband with a bocci ball.

5:11: Watch it instead hit the metal pole making a bell like sound.

5:12: Watch everyone look at you for a speech.

5:13: Announce "thank you all for coming..."

5:15: Watch everyone realize husband is trying to juggle.

5:16: Watch husband choose smaller balls.

5:21: Listen to them ask why he has his back to them the entire time.

5:22: Assure them it is because you are taking pictures and husband is camera shy.

5:23: Start singing circus music.

5:25: Clap with the family as husband juggles.

5:20: Listen to the family clap to encourage him.

5:30: Watch people leave.

5:35: Play with a volleyball with husband which is more like playing dodge ball, soccer, and football all in one.

5:36: Wonder how many bruises you will wake up to in the morning.

5:40: Watch husband leave.

5:45: Catch up with the remaining family and plan next year's event. Discuss how to coerce, threaten and bribe the rest of the family to attend.

6:45: Arrive home exhausted from too much fresh air and brownies.

Same time next year?**

*I guess it is really called Ladder Golf, but we were playing with children so Cow's Balls sounded so much more appropriate.

**I am talking to YOU family. Yes, you the ones that did not show up. A 4 year old had to play with a...well...not quite 4 year old. How wrong is that? Well, he did win. I guess he's okay with that.

4 important things being said:

Jennifer said...

Hysterical. B can juggle anything. What a talent that is!! Sounds like you ate a fair share of brownies at the picnic huh? LOL.

j'lynn said...

Glad you had a fun time! :)

Andhari said...

Your family is super hilarious, the picnic is indeed a great time, I think. the rest of your family who don't show up really missed out.

I hurt my tummy laughing on that "distracted by brownie" part. Sounds like something I do a lot.:p

*~Dani~* said...

Jennifer - B can juggle anything. Today he juggled 3 baby pumpkins. And maybe I ate a few brownies. Just a few.

jlynn - it was good :)

Andhari - who doesn't get distracted by brownies, right?

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