Before the reunion, learn your Dad plans on bringing ice cream. To a picnic. In a cooler. Declare that to be overboard and very involved in planning (dry ice, wet ice, ice ice - too much to think about).
1:35: Arrive late. Pretend that you are not late. Shout out "we've arrived" so that people think that you think that you are not late.
1:36: Wonder where the heck all of the people are? Pretend you don't notice half the family is missing.
1:38: Tell them you brought ice cream. Find out that everyone thinks that is a brilliant idea.
1:40: Accept many accolades. Thank them graciously.
1:45: Finally admit it was your Dad's idea. To your Mom who already knew.
1:46: Remember there is no ice cream scoop.
1:47: Tell everyone that the ice cream was your Dad's idea and they will have to eat it with their fingers.
1:48: Text husband. Ask him to bring ice cream scoop.
1:49: Wonder where husband is.
1:50: Wonder where the #@#^@&^ the family is.
1:51: Get distracted by a brownie.
1:52: Assure Mom she is not a jinx since half the family didn't come the one time she decided to make an appearance. Totally coincidental. Totally.
1:54: Hug, kiss, catch up.
3:00: Time to eat.
3:01: Wonder where husband is.
3:02: Declare hubby cannot eat when he shows up since he is nowhere to be found.
3:10: See husband pull in. Glare in his direction.
3:12: See him come in waving an ice cream scoop.
3:13: Whoop loudly and declare him a hero while clapping.
3:14: Family joins in clapping. They don't know why. Hell, they may not even know who husband is or why he is there.
3:15: Eat. And have a brownie.
3:30: Hug, kiss, catch up.
4:00: Watch husband get his ass handed to him by a 4 year old in cow's balls.*
4:10: Listen to the 4 year old brag about it.
4:12: Listen to husband declare they weren't keeping score.
4:30: Watch your father and other adults beat up kids during volleyball.Well okay, there it looked like my brother was getting beat up.
Again, with the waiting around. As you can see, that was action packed.
4:31: Take pictures to be used as evidence later. (See above).
4:33: Video it with your camera. (Do not look for a video on this post. See below).
4:43: Remember you don't know how to transfer video to your computer.
4:44: Say that and other things while videotaping.
4:45: Realize husband is oddly silent. Realize he doesn't want to be heard on the video.
4:46: Get distracted by a brownie.
4:50: Watch ice cream become a hit! Note to self: Buy huge boxes of Dove ice cream bars next time, you will be a hero.
5:00: Watch husband decide to juggle bocci balls.5:01: Caution him about breaking his finger.
5:10: Almost get brained by your husband with a bocci ball.
5:11: Watch it instead hit the metal pole making a bell like sound.
5:12: Watch everyone look at you for a speech.
5:13: Announce "thank you all for coming..."
5:15: Watch everyone realize husband is trying to juggle.
5:16: Watch husband choose smaller balls.
5:21: Listen to them ask why he has his back to them the entire time.
5:22: Assure them it is because you are taking pictures and husband is camera shy.
5:23: Start singing circus music.
5:25: Clap with the family as husband juggles.
5:20: Listen to the family clap to encourage him.
5:30: Watch people leave.
5:35: Play with a volleyball with husband which is more like playing dodge ball, soccer, and football all in one.
5:36: Wonder how many bruises you will wake up to in the morning.
5:40: Watch husband leave.
5:45: Catch up with the remaining family and plan next year's event. Discuss how to coerce, threaten and bribe the rest of the family to attend.
6:45: Arrive home exhausted from too much fresh air and brownies.
Same time next year?**
*I guess it is really called Ladder Golf, but we were playing with children so Cow's Balls sounded so much more appropriate.
**I am talking to YOU family. Yes, you the ones that did not show up. A 4 year old had to play with a...well...not quite 4 year old. How wrong is that? Well, he did win. I guess he's okay with that.