This week's crime watch chronicles brings my all time favorite headline:
Man with Bad Haircut Arrested forLarceny
How awesome is that? It makes you want to read more. Did his bad haircut contribute to the larceny? Did he commit the larceny because he had a bad haircut? TELL ME MORE.
Here is what it said:
Officers were able to track and apprehend a suspect who had stolen a vehicle with the use of a tracking dog. The man had a freshly shaven head with a few missed spots and numerous nicks. Hair was discovered in the bathroom of the house leading police to believe that the man attempted to change his appearance.
Well, that plan clearly didn't work. Also, that title? Way more interesting than the story. Here I thought that the city had instituted some new law about bad haircuts similar to the law against dancing in the street. But, no. Just some plain old larceny with a god awful plan to cover your identity while standing IN YOUR OWN HOUSE. Hmmm...I wonder how they caught you dude.
I think I will make up my own version of this story:
Officers tracked and apprehended a suspect on suspicion of having Bad Hair. Bad Hair was recently categorized as a class A offense punishable by death. The suspect is also being charged with larceny of tools used in the commission of the crime. Taken from the scene as evidence was a big plastic comb, multiple ponytail holders and an electric razor allegedly used to shave the sides, but not all, of the suspect's head. Police have released the following photo of the suspect:
Yes, much better. The story, not the hair.