Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Crime Watch Wednesday: Perhaps Not a Professional BMX Rider...

This week's crime chronicles brings us the story of a man who does not know the old saying "it's like riding a bicycle" because clearly he is incapable of riding one, at least as a means of escape:

After a reported bike theft, officers found the suspect riding the bike nearby. In an effort to escape, the thief ran into something with his bike and fell off. He was then taken into custody and identified by the victim as the person that stole the victim's bike.

Wait. What? In an effort to escape, he rode straight into something and FELL OFF THE BIKE? Color me confused but what did he think that was going to accomplish? Was he going to claim he was never on the bike in the first place? He didn't even try to run away! FAIL.

However, this story reminds me of a recent conversation with B:

B: I see so many prostitutes on the way to work in the morning, it is ridiculous.
Me: Really? They do like to work the early hours.
B: I see a lot of them get picked up. At least 6 this year. And I am only on the road for like 5 minutes.
Me: Wow. That is a lot.
B: The other day I saw a girl get into a van.
Me: I would make a terrible prostitute because I would never get into a van. You might not come back out.
Me: Hmm...I might not get into anything. I suck at this.
B: Well, they just go to vacant lots anyway.
Me: Still...
B: And their pimps are usually nearby on a bicycle.
Me: Wait. Huh, what? A bike? So what...a guy kidnaps me in a van and my pimp is going to do what? Cycle after me?
Me: Yep, no vans and no prostitution for me.

Of course, THAT conversation reminds me of something that happened at the office recently when I was asked if I knew what "$30 for a half and half meant." After confirming it was a deed done in prostitution, I was asked if I knew specifically what it was. I did not, but I could surmise. My thoughts included...well, shall we say delicately...half manual, half oral? Turns out I was right. You know what else? Turns out the guy that hired me told them that I would know the answer.

I was shocked, then offended, and then proud.

I am still proud.

Half and half for the people! But not for $30. That seems awfully cheap.



10 important things being said:

j'lynn said...

Apparently the bike stealer wasn't a pimp or else he would have known not to run in to something! LMAO! Thanks for the giggle so early in the AM. ;)

Isn't it funny that I would have figured you would be the one to know that too!?! LOL Be proud...not everyone can be so versed in the speak of illegal activity. hehe

Hmmm...I've only seen working girls where we get our chips & salsa. They didn't get in a van and no one was around on a bike, but they did end up in the ally next to the restaurant after being kicked out of the bathroom...apparently Mexican restaurants aren't found of transactions going down in their restrooms... My thought was as long as I get my chips & salsa, I don't care what happens or where!

Blaez said...

omigoodness!

Jennifer said...

Oh my! What kind of client was this at work??? I do not think I have ever witnessed any ladies being picked up for work. I need to get to your part of town more often so I am not so behind!

Debbie said...

My husband works for a major hospital in a not so great part of town. When he has to go in during the wee hours of the morning and sees dudes on bikes in the middle of the road, I'll have to tell him what I now know!

*~Dani~* said...

jlynn - ah! You are a wise one. If he was a pimp, he also FAILS at that! Oh, I am very proud of my knowledge of the dealings of pimps and prostitutes. You never know when that might come in handy during my stint on Jeopardy. And I have been in that bathroom and thought it was gross enough without telling me someone had sex in it. I am never peeing again. At least, not in there.

Blaez - truly!

Jennifer - I wouldnt call them a client, necessarily. Perhaps just a party. Unfortunately seeing ladies of the night work is not all that exciting. It is almost like watching a hitchhiker get picked up. Actually, it is exactly like that but a little skankier.

Debbie - Ha! I can just picture your husband giving all of these dudes the evil eye and it turns out they just couldn't afford a car.

j'lynn said...

But Dani....how will we get through our usual 2-3 baskets of chips & salsa and our 64oz drinks w/o you going to the sexroom....er...I mean restroom?!? LOL

*~Dani~* said...

jlynn - the sexroom! Ha - I LOVE it. You are right, I will need to pee. I will just close my eyes while doing so.

j'lynn said...

I knew chips & salsa would win over the sexroom! ;)

*~Dani~* said...

Jamie - chips and salsa wins over almost everything. YUM

j'lynn said...

Yes they do Dani, yes they do...

I also think we are overdue for some chips & salsa...

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