Wednesday, September 30, 2009
This week's crime chronicles brings us the story of a man who does not know the old saying "it's like riding a bicycle" because clearly he is incapable of riding one, at least as a means of escape:
After a reported bike theft, officers found the suspect riding the bike nearby. In an effort to escape, the thief ran into something with his bike and fell off. He was then taken into custody and identified by the victim as the person that stole the victim's bike.
Wait. What? In an effort to escape, he rode straight into something and FELL OFF THE BIKE? Color me confused but what did he think that was going to accomplish? Was he going to claim he was never on the bike in the first place? He didn't even try to run away! FAIL.
However, this story reminds me of a recent conversation with B:
B: I see so many prostitutes on the way to work in the morning, it is ridiculous.
Me: Really? They do like to work the early hours.
B: I see a lot of them get picked up. At least 6 this year. And I am only on the road for like 5 minutes.
Me: Wow. That is a lot.
B: The other day I saw a girl get into a van.
Me: I would make a terrible prostitute because I would never get into a van. You might not come back out.
Me: Hmm...I might not get into anything. I suck at this.
B: Well, they just go to vacant lots anyway.
B: And their pimps are usually nearby on a bicycle.
Me: Wait. Huh, what? A bike? So what...a guy kidnaps me in a van and my pimp is going to do what? Cycle after me?
Me: Yep, no vans and no prostitution for me.
Of course, THAT conversation reminds me of something that happened at the office recently when I was asked if I knew what "$30 for a half and half meant." After confirming it was a deed done in prostitution, I was asked if I knew specifically what it was. I did not, but I could surmise. My thoughts included...well, shall we say delicately...half manual, half oral? Turns out I was right. You know what else? Turns out the guy that hired me told them that I would know the answer.
I was shocked, then offended, and then proud.
I am still proud.
Half and half for the people! But not for $30. That seems awfully cheap.