Tuesday, September 08, 2009

The Official Legal Argument as to Zombies

I know you are thinking to yourself, how did Dani get the official legal argument on zombies? Does such thing exist? Where did this occur? In court, of course. Silly readers. Where else do legal arguments form? Here's what happened.

After the judge granted my motion without my doing anything beyond uttering my name, I had to make my way back to chambers to get the order entered. I walked in to find the judge's law clerks staring intently at a computer saying such things as "HA HA" and "WHOA." I looked over their shoulders and realized that they were watching the Zombieland trailer. About four minutes later, and after the female attorney behind me had left in disgust, the trailer was over. As the clerks pondered how entertaining and fun that movie will be and where they could find more trailers to watch, one of them happened to see me out of the corner of his eye:

Clerk1: Well, hello.
Me: Hi.
Clerk1: Need to enter an order?
Me: Yep.
Clerk2: How long were you standing there?
Me: For half the trailer.
Clerks collectively: Ohhh....
Me: I think that looks like a good movie, very entertaining.
Clerk2: So you will be going to the premiere?
Me: Probably not the premiere, but at least the movie.
Clerk1: What if the judge orders you to go to the premiere?
Me: What if...the judge...ORDERS me to go to the Zombieland premiere?
Clerk1: Yeah, he likes movies.
Me: But does he like zombies?
Clerk1: I don't know....
Me: Really? Does anyone LIKE zombies? I mean we like to watch movies about zombies but no one is all "Oh I want to be a zombie, those things are cool."
Clerk1: Some people like zombies...
Me: Like who? Everyone likes to watch zombies get killed. Zombies are not fun or nice or cool.
Clerk2: What about Shaun of the Dead.
Me: What about it?
Clerk2: His friend in the end was a cool zombie.
Me: Well, he's the exception.

And then I left with my order.


In other news, for those that like zombies, you can now have your very own lawn ornament. How cool would this look? I am going to convince B we need to buy it.

Lawn ornament - $89.95
Shipping - $15.25
Faces of our neighbors when the wonder who the hell let us buy in this neighborhood? Priceless


Zombie of Montclair Moors (from SkyMall of course!)



8 important things being said:

Patricia @ Bloom Where You're Planted said...

Hahahaha.

The Sky Mall is awesome :)

Blaez said...

i have to have that lawn ornament!!

and dude, i am SO going to see that movie! if it has zombies i'm there. period end of discussion, i love zombie movies!!!!

j'lynn said...

LMAO!!!!!!!! :D

Debbie said...

OMG! Only Skymall!

DogAteMyFinances said...

You are so funny! I always enjoy your posts like this.

*~Dani~* said...

Patricia - whenever I am on a plane, I find a million things that I MUST HAVE from SkyMall. On the ground? Meh.

Blaez - me too! I must have it. Really. I like zombie movies, however, I do not want to be a zombie, date a zombie, have sex with a zombie, or make friends with a zombie. Just so we are clear. Vampires, on the other hand? Well....

jlynn - I love you.

Debbie - the SkyMall is known for its brilliance.

Dog - I will try to post more of these. The amount of ridiculous conversations and thoughts I have should not be contained. Or they should. Same diff.

Jennifer said...

You need that lawn ornament! SkyMall really is the best. They suck you in. If you could order via touchscreen on the tray table, I would be the proud owner of an aquarium coffee table!

*~Dani~* said...

I do need that lawn ornament! You, however, do not need an aquarium coffee table what with the two dogs and one small child. That would quickly turn into living room aquarium as you have to dodge fish all over your floor.

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