Thursday, September 10, 2009

Things I Learned Today That May Have Changed My Life

~I don't trust people that whistle.

~Being pushed in a big office chair throughout the office by a secretary while yelling "WHEEE" is very professional.


Young woman sitting on chair and other woman pushing her
*that is not me or my secretary

~I need a tall office chair with cushioning because I throw my head back a lot for no apparent reason. Or perhaps I can make do like this:


Businesswoman relaxing at her desk with a neck pillow
*this is also not me, but a good illustration

~I need a taller office chair because I am short as hell.

~You shouldn't try to take a coworker's personal office chair just because they are on maternity leave. Someone will catch you.

~You can make friends with random attorneys that you only see once in a while in court. Of course your friendly conversations will consist of "didn't I see you in court LAST time" and "we must remember each other because we are women."

~It is hard to impress former colleagues with your brilliant legal arguments when the judge only allows you to state your name.

~Women call strip clubs "titty bars."

~They will do this in a deposition.

~A court reporter when shocked will type it as "tit-e"

~Attorneys will admit to knowing the exact location of said bars.

~This will also occur in a deposition.

~Some people carry their valuables in their bras.

~Those people will whip it out to show you. (The valuables, that is, not THE valuables, so to speak).

~This will also occur in a deposition.

~I need to take more depositions.



8 important things being said:

J said...

That may be the most interesting deposition ever.

Blaez said...

very nice! looooooooovin this :D

Jamie said...

You learn far more useful things in the course of your day than I do in mine. Loved this post!

Jennifer said...

I need to become an attorney. How do you keep a straight face???

mandatorybloghere said...

lol i have been known to carry cash in my bra.

j'lynn said...

OMG...I have always loved your depositions! LOL Those were the days...and I'm glad they are back for you! :D hehe

Andhari said...

the word "titty bars" just made me smile :D

*~Dani~* said...

J - it is up there on my list of deps.

Blaez - thanks :)

Jamie - girl, where have you been? I was missing one of my favorite commentes. I thought about emailing you to tell you to come back, but I didnt have your address. But you returned, so all is well again. Anyway, I bet you "learn" things at work that are "useful" just like me.

Jenny - years of practice

mandy (I am too lazy to type out the rest although not too lazy to type this long ass explanation) - I, too, have carried things in my bra- most recently a kitten. However, did you ever whip said stuff out in a dep? I know I havent.

jlynn - they are always good times! Baby, I'm back ;)

Andhari - and I thought of you and your TMI post when I typed it.

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