Things I Learned Today That May Have Changed My Life

~I don't trust people that whistle.

~Being pushed in a big office chair throughout the office by a secretary while yelling "WHEEE" is very professional.

*that is not me or my secretary

~I need a tall office chair with cushioning because I throw my head back a lot for no apparent reason. Or perhaps I can make do like this:

*this is also not me, but a good illustration

~I need a taller office chair because I am short as hell.

~You shouldn't try to take a coworker's personal office chair just because they are on maternity leave. Someone will catch you.

~You can make friends with random attorneys that you only see once in a while in court. Of course your friendly conversations will consist of "didn't I see you in court LAST time" and "we must remember each other because we are women."

~It is hard to impress former colleagues with your brilliant legal arguments when the judge only allows you to state your name.

~Women call strip clubs "titty bars."

~They will do this in a deposition.

~A court reporter when shocked will type it as "tit-e"

~Attorneys will admit to knowing the exact location of said bars.

~This will also occur in a deposition.

~Some people carry their valuables in their bras.

~Those people will whip it out to show you. (The valuables, that is, not THE valuables, so to speak).

~This will also occur in a deposition.

~I need to take more depositions.