*The more you know...
Monday, February 15, 2010
Today I had to go to the doctor. You know, THAT doctor. The one that wants you to say "Ahhh" with parts other than your mouth. Yeah, I just grossed myself out with that one.
In any event, I had a bunch of time to kill while dressed in a gown with the opening facing front and a piece of paper over my lap. As in 30 minutes worth of time. Did I mention it was freezing in there?
As I was studying the poster that explained the various parts of a vagina*, I realized that I could hear an ultrasound happening next door. This was not surprising as there were about 50 pregnant women in the lobby when I arrived. So I listened to the WOM WOM WOM sound and thought to myself:
You are witnessing a little life growing and a little heart beating. How precious.
Then I thought:
Wow! That heart is beating fast.
That heart sounds like a train. THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH THAT BABY. WTF PEOPLE? IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE??
Then I got distracted when I heard that my doctor had a phone call and began to think I might have to frickin' call into work if this first thing in the morning appointment went any longer when I realized that damn ultrasound sound was STILL GOING ON. So I thought:
That is one hell of a long ultrasound.
That can't be right.
And it wasn't. You know why? It was the frickin' heating and cooling in the building making that noise.
Yes, I totally thought the furnace was an ultrasound.
The doctor eventually came in, heard the story and immediately revoked my female gender card.
But first he made me open wide.