Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Monday, March 15, 2010
Me: A dog can't get a cat sick.
B: Why not? They are both animals.
Me: We are all animals. If that is the case, we would all be having sex.
B: I saw a movie like that once.
Me: Ha! Me too.
Wednesday, March 03, 2010
...and we're back!*
Finally, the moment you have all been waiting for...another Crime Watch Wednesday edition. To ring this year in right, albeit three months, late, let me tell you the tale of a woman to whom money means nothing. Literally.
You see, our friend, had a wee bit too much to drink and decided to make her way out of the parking lot. The problem? She had to pay first. No problem for this gal. After all, she had a baby wipe.
Yes, she tried to pay her parking fee with a baby wipe.
The employee called her "confused." The police called her "drunk." I think the police were on to something considering she (1) backed her car into a parked vehicle, (2) didn't know her name, (3) couldn't speak, (4) stated she had several drugs at home that she needed to get rid of, (5) blew more than three times the legal limit for alcohol.
Oh, and she mistook a babywipe for money. A babywipe. You know what this means, right?
She has a child.
Also? She is borderline genius. Why genius? Because babywipes are thick like money and feel gritty too. Why borderline? Because they are WET.
In other news, I have elected to travel around with a large supply of Puffs with Lotion. Why, you ask? They are thicker than regular kleenex and when grouped together can look like a wad of cash. They are also very soothing. Allergies? Check. Parking fees? Check.
*Users of Gmail should recognize this saying. It always pops up in the status/chat section. Even if you didn't know it was gone, it will remind you that it is back. Google is nice that way.
Tuesday, March 02, 2010
Monday, March 01, 2010
"The rest of the journey will be all downhill."
Downhill? Doesn't that sound...um, bad? Like, "oh, it's all downhill from here" [insert sad face].
I mean, really. Who wants to "top the crest" only to fall all the way down. Can't I stay on that crest for a while?
- Hard work does NOT pay off.
- Crests are temporary.
- Being at the top means you are going to fall.
- Downhill = bad
- Horoscopes are stupid.