A T-Shirt in a Tree? Genius and Tacky.

I don't know if you know this, but Michael Jackson died. Yes, it was sudden and tragic and sad. It was also opportunistic for those so inclined. One of those people was a guy down the street from us. Well, really down the street, left, DOWN the street and on the right. Meaning: not in our neighborhood but over THERE.* This guy jumped on the MJ bandwagon almost immediately following his death and whipped up a bunch of T-shirts to sell. He sold them in front of his house.

Between two trees.

That's right. One clothesline, two nails and THOUSANDS of tshirts later and he was in business. That's right - thousands. You know how I know this? He is STILL selling those tshirts.

It has been 49 days since MJ died. A month and a half. He is STILL selling those tshirts. Well, actually, the proper wording would be he is still offering them for sale. No one is buying that I can tell. You see, the peak time has come and gone. Now it is just getting sad.

I noticed him that first week of MJ's death. It was 11 pm at night. I couldn't even see what was on the frickin' tshirts it was so dark. That did not stop people from pulling over on the side of the road and buying them. His business was on FIRE**.

49 days later? Not so much. B told me there was even a writeup in the paper about this guy. Hell, that was 39 days ago. Anyway, the writer indicated that the guy, fancying himself an entrepreneur, overestimated his market. You think? Actually I think the writer underestimated that statement.

Now, even the quality of tshirts is dwindling. They were never that great (basically a photo of one of MJ's album covers printed on a shirt), but they weren't half bad. White and black*** mostly. Now? Bright red, neon yellow and I swear the last time I drove by it looked like it might have been Fat Albert on the tshirt. MJ is NOT Fat Albert.

Wait. Was he?****

*The BAD neighborhood. You know? The one the neighbor feared Katie ran off to?

**Insert bad MJ joke here.

***But not Black and White because that would be an actual MJ song I heard just today. Coincidence?

****Seriously, do a Google search and you will find someone really asked that. The answer? Fat Albert is a cartoon character and Michael Jackson was a person. Brilliant!

Crime Watch Wednesday: Where There's Fire, There's a Toothbrush?

This week's crime chronicles brings us the harrowing story of officers successfully putting out a fire started in our neighborhood:

Officers responded to a fire inside a home. They discovered it was a burning electric toothbrush in a second floor bathroom. An officer unplugged it and extinguished the fire. The officers had to gain entry to the fire source using fire axes.

Um, okay. There is a fire. It is a fire from an electric toothbrush. One officer is able to unplug it and extinguish the fire, yet somehow they all had to use axes and chop the place up to get in there? Could they not have, I don't know? TURNED THE DOOR HANDLE? I bet the door wasn't even shut. I bet they were chopping through a plaster wall outside the bathroom when an officer said "hey guys, look I found the source. It is the toothbrush right over here WHERE THE FIRE IS."

Our tax dollars at work here, folks.

Then the Rabbit Stole My Sunshine!

Rabbits are cute right? You see one in your yard and you are all "oh look! We have a rabbit! It is so darling" and then you take pictures and marvel how wondrous mother nature is. I mean, look at that thing:

He looks just like a Cadbury chocolate rabbit. All cute and stuff. Don't be fooled. That rabbit is a mean son of a bitch. Look:

Pretty brutal, right? Even more brutal when he picked the ONE plant that I really, really loved. The one plant that B bought just for me and planted just for me. He surprised me one day and came home with the seeds. We have been watching it grow for months now:

Any ideas yet?

Getting warmer?

Why, yes, it is some sunshine coming my way:

And then it bloomed and it made me smile:

How could you not smile when looking at this sunshine?

Yet, today I woke up to this:

There was even a second flower! There was a huge storm last night and it knocked my sunshine over. However, I am convinced she would have stood tall, like her two counterparts if not for the evil rabbit.*

RIP Sunshine. I will miss you.

*We were blaming the squirrels too, but that is for another person. Mother nature is downright EVIL in these parts!

**PS - can someone tell me if ants are bad for sunflowers too? I have the Animal-Dont-Eat-This-Spray and wondered it I also needed the Ants-Get-the-F-Off-My-Flower-Spray too or if they are harmless, although annoying?