When a Different Kind of Light Goes Out...

I was going to write today about my day at the bridal shower and all of the zany events, but something else has overshadowed it. One of my best friends has killed herself. And I cannot believe that I even wrote that sentence. I have known her since I was 3. I don't know how to not know her. I have to go to her funeral and see her there. And I have to look at the two children she left behind and try not to upset them anymore than they already are. I hadn't heard from her in quite some time, almost a year. I tried to track her down and finally got a five minute phone call from her telling me how hard the past year had been for her, but that she was okay and would call me soon. I never heard from her again.

Her mother tells me that she had lost everything in her life this past year including her children and her job. For someone already prone to depression, I guess that would do it. Now her mother has lost her only child and her children their only mother. And me? I lose a best friend.

I don't know how I will make it through the funeral. Actually, I am not sure how I will make it through work tomorrow. I think I will just not talk about it. Because every time I think about anything related to her I cry. B doesn't know what to do with me. He has never seen me cry. But he is sweet and holds me and hugs me. But that actually makes me sadder.

A little light inside me went out today. I will miss you Amy.