Monday, January 28, 2008

Tales from The Courthouse

There is nothing like going to the courthouse to chase away your blues.  It is a rare courthouse trip that does not invite some humor or disbelief on my behalf and today was no exception.

First, I arrive at the courthouse and decide to use the ladies' room.  That 10 minute drive was something else.  So, after washing my hands I discover that there is no paper towel.  Standing there perplexed, I look around and spot what may be a hand dryer but like none I have ever seen. It is not square but more like an upside down water jug.  I draw nearer and see that there is something written on it:

Feel the Force.

Okay, call me intrigued. With no further instructions anywhere to be found, I proceed to stick my hands under the dryer when HOLY HELL - the dryer is so damn powerful it is MOVING MY SKIN.  This is not a test and certainly no joke.  I sat there and watched the skin on the back of my hand roll across my hand. It was so creepy.  I turned my hands over and watched the skin on my palms do the same thing.  So, so very wrong.  I had to seriously close my eyes for the rest of the drying procedure.  Luckily, the force was so strong, my hands were dry in no time flat. Wow. I know they say that you shouldn't believe everything you read, but if you are ever in a bathroom and it says "feel the force" on the hand dryer, do not doubt the force, for the force is indeed strong.

So, after that very scary event, I proceed up to the courtroom for a very humorous one. Waiting for my case to be called, I am witness to a sentencing for a DUI. This guy happens to be in his early 20s.  The probation department has written a sentencing guideline report for the judge. The judge asks this guy if he wants to say anything on his behalf. He wisely says no just as his attorney did a moment before.  Then the judge starts asking him questions and it all goes downhill from there.

The judge asks him if he is currently a student. He answers yes. Then the judge asks how many classes he is taking and he says "none."  The judge says "I thought you said you were enrolled in college."  The guys indicates that he is enrolled but is having financial aid problems.  The judge then asks when is the last time that he took classes and the guy says that he has never taken classes. He was enrolled in 2005 and then never got to take a class due to financial aid problems.  The judge then says "it appears that you and I have different definitions of the word 'enrolled', tell me have you ever taken a class at the college?" The guy says he has not and then states:
"There must have been a misunderstanding between me and the girl in probation. I told her that I was enROLLED not ENrolled."

Yes, he said the same word twice but with different inflection and, apparently, in his head, different meaning. Just listening to him I believe that he actually heard himself say it this way:

"I was ENrolled not INrolled."

Too much.  I immediately picked up my pen and wrote that down to bring straight to my blog.  No one else so much as batted an eye.  I guess such vernacular is par for the course around there.

That is not all that fine boy said. He also said he did not like AA because it was full of a bunch of alcoholics (he was on his second DUI).  He also wanted to find an AA group that was "enthusiastic" about being sober and not just full of a bunch of "losers."  As you can tell, he charmed the judge quite a bit.

There you have it. Stay tuned for more Tales from The Courthouse, brought to you weekly.

0 important things being said:

Blog Widget by LinkWithin