Thursday, April 22, 2010
Also, it is Not a Birthday Celebration Until Your Husband Threatens Someone with Bodily Harm a/k/a Romance at its Finest
B would like me to point out that my entire birthday was not full of gas problems and starvation. He is right. He took me out to a nice dinner that night. He also decided we should stop at our local big box store to pick up some Coke Zero. I have a drinking problem. He was excited because the cases were on sale for $5.00.
They didn't have any.
The rest of the story is best told through a conversation with my Mom:
Mom: Hi! Done with dinner already?
Me: Yes, we are at the store. B wants to buy some Coke Zero because it is on sale. They do not have any. He just got into a huge argument with a random worker he dragged down the aisle.
Mom: Uh oh.
Me: Yep. He told the guy he just didn't believe there weren't more in the back. This was [insert big named store here]. They had to have more than 5 cases. Then he pointed to the area and made the guy count with him as to how many cases could fit in the empty spot.
Mom: Oh boy.
Me: Yep. Then he told the guy to "grab your two way. We're going in the back." B took the guy in the back to convince him that there are no more cases.
Me: I haven't seen him since.
My Mom and I discuss B's penchant for trouble making for a good 10 minutes.
Me: This is boring.
Mom: I bet.
Me: Oh no!
Me: The guy is back! Gerry is back but B is nowhere to be found?
Me: Where is B? WHAT DID HE DO TO B?
Mom: I don't know! Where could he be?
Me: Do you think Gerry killed B? I SAW YOU GO IN THE BACK WITH HIM - THERE IS A WITNESS!
Mom: Are you yelling at the worker? Really?
Me: YES! How else will he know that I can turn him in if B shows up dead somewhere?
Me: How am I even supposed to find B, dead or alive?
Mom: I wonder where he is...
B was safe. The store employees, however, were not. He made his way up to the Assistant Manager who still could not produce any cases of Coke. There was some lame explanation as to how the Coke guy makes deliveries every day. My Mom pointedly stated that delivery five cases of pop a day would seem like a waste of gas. So true. That is why we are not heads of corporations I guess.
The assistant manager did let B get two 12 packs of Coke for $5.00 much to the confusion and bewilderment of the cashier who said "But they are $3.98 each!"
That B. He is getting things done.
Best birthday gift ever.*
*Well, actually, an iPhone would be the best birthday gift ever. Stupid Apple & AT&T - OPEN UP THE IPHONE TO ALL CELLPHONE PROVIDERS.**
**This has been a public service announcement from an avid Apple fan and lifelong Verizon lover.
***You are welcome.