Cell phones are evil. I came to this conclusion yesterday when I lost mine. You may be wondering how that is the cell phone's fault. It is not. That is not what makes it evil. The evil lies in the fact that the mere possibility that I lost my Blackberry FROZE ME. I repeat - I COULD NOT FUNCTION. Let me walk you through it.
My mom and I were shopping. We were in a big grocery store and I had the phone in my pocket and then later put it in my purse. My mom called me to tell me where she was in the store and then we left for the next big grocery store. It was at least an hour later when I went to call my mom to see where she was that I realized I didn't have a phone. Eventually I found her and we went to the car. No phone there.
My mom tried to call it. We couldn't hear it. I decided we would have to go back to the first store to see if by some miracle it was there. And then I had these thoughts:
- I need to call B to tell him what happened. SHIT I DON'T HAVE A PHONE.
- I don't even know my own brother's phone number.*
- What if my client needs me?**
- What is someone is reading and responding to my personal emails?
- What if I find the phone and someone drove over it in the parking lot?
- Number 5 might be the best scenario.
- Will we really ever find this phone?
- Why is the month of October being so DAMN MEAN to me?
While I was having these and many other thoughts and as we were driving to the store, my mom's phone rang and she looks at me excitedly and says "It's YOU!" Turns out I left the phone in the cart (the cart I walked myself to the cart corral) and some guy found it, kept it and apparently waited for us to call.
We drove back and I called him to get my phone. My mom told me to give him $5 to play the lottery. That did not quite go so well:
Me: Hi! Thanks so much for holding on to my phone.
Guy: No problem.
Me: Here (holding out money) go play the lotto and win.
Guy: Nah! It's no big deal.
Me: No, really - go play the lotto and win.
Guy: No, really.
Me: GO PLAY THE LOTTO AND WIN!!
Guy: uh...have fun?
And then he ran away.
But I had my phone, the evil phone that apparently runs my life. Vicky and Jersey take note. And my faith in humanity has been restored. Even if he wouldn't take my money.
This was day 16 of October. I have not even mentioned what happened on day 15 or day 13.
It is going to be a long month.
*My husband doesn't even know MY number. Have I mentioned that?
**Why can't I stop thinking about the office even for a minute and during a crisis? Ugh.