Remember about a week or two ago when I said I had a bad day that started with a werewolf sighting? Well, I topped myself without even trying. Every week it is my job to take out the recycling on garbage day. If I was not the hugest procrastinator around, I would do this the evening before. That, however, is not in my nature. So I do it the morning of pickup. I had the routine down to a science, or so I thought.
You see, our front door does not self lock. Neither does our back door, but for an entirely different reason. Often I have told friends, family, and delivery men not to worry about the door shutting or slamming behind me, "it won't lock me out." You know what this means, right? IT FLIPPING LOCKED ME OUT.
Of course that would be the morning I elected not to wear socks or shoes despite the fact that it was under 50 degrees. I was also in a tshirt with wet hair having just gotten out of the shower. No keys. No phone. No mad survivor skills.
It was 6:30 a.m.
It was dark. It was cold. I was PISSED. I think I said something like "YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!" I looked around our very dark neighborhood. No one was up. And if they were, what where they going to do for me? So I go to the back where we have a spare key in a lockbox. I don't know the code.
I DON'T KNOW THE CODE TO GET MY OWN SPARE KEY TO MY OWN HOUSE.
And it is dark and I cannot see. And I have no shoes. Did I mention that?
I go back up front to see if I can force the door open and see the hip neighbor guy taking his garbage out. I run over there with my lockbox and scream "DO YOU KNOW THE CODE TO THIS?" Sadly, he did not. But his wife did because she lets Jersey out for us occasionally. He invites me inside and then says "Are you not wearing any shoes?"
I DIDN'T PLAN THIS YOU KNOW!!
So I got in and ready for work, although I never really got warm again. When I got to work I sent B a text that said:
FYI - Should you go outside with wet hair and no shoes on, you will get locked out in the dark having forgotten the code to the lockbox.
To which he replied:
Don't worry. I know it.
There is a lesson here folks. Teach your dog how to open doors. Because, as it turns out, the door was not even locked. The door handle on the outside just wasn't working properly. Had Jersey pushed down on the inside door handle, I could have gotten in. Instead she ran from window to window wondering what fun I was having outside. I was having a blast. An arctic blast.
Tomorrow is garbage pickup day. What are the odds that I:
- Wear shoes
- Wear a sweatshirt
- Lock myself out
- Remember the code
- Learn any lesson from all of this
I better start training Jersey right now.