Friday, November 26, 2010

It Wouldn't Be Thanksgiving Unless There Was a Roast

No, we didn't eat roast on Thanksgiving, but we sure had one.  As we finished eating, B started telling story after story. About ME.  Seriously.  One after the other. Non. Stop.

It started with the story about how I made mustard chicken once. That was followed by the time I cut my finger on a can of corn.  That segwayed to the time he did not believe I needed to go to the hospital, but oh yeah, my appendix needed to come out.  And my gallbladder.  Then he somehow started talking about the time I locked myself out of the house.  

It was starting to sound like a bad blog regurgitation/stand up comedy routine.  Except these people didn't know that I had a blog, so it sounded like a "let's make fun of Dani on this holiday upon which we give thanks."  

COME UP WITH YOUR OWN MATERIAL, B!

Just kidding.  In fact, sometimes I think B practically writes this blog, he just doesn't know it. In fact, he sparked the whole conversation my family had at the now annual Thanksgiving day breakfast. What would that be?

The zombie apocalypse of course.

B told me about his friend who is fully prepared for said apocalypse and even shared his extensive plan WITH HIS CHILDREN.

I decided this must be discussed at breakfast despite the fact that my brother and father do not share my love for zombies.  Can I tell you that zombies are now the great conversation equalizer? It is the truth. Bring it up and people will join in.  Just the other day I said to my coworkers "The zombie apocalypse is coming and I fear I am not prepared."  People immediately offered ideas and banded together against this purely fictionalized idea.  Zombies. Bringing people together while scaring the living shit out of them.

So what did my family accomplish during Thanksgiving breakfast?  Check this out:
  • B would live on an island so the zombies wouldn't get to him.
  • His friend thinks zombies could just walk under the water and get him.
  • My dad says no one, even dead people, can walk under water without their heads being crushed from the pressure.
  • My brother says crushing heads is an effective way to kill a zombie.
  • I ponder why there are no zombie animals.
  • B says because the zombies cannot catch them.
  • My brother says it is due to noncommunicable transfer - kind of like dogs and cats not being able to have sex.
  • My brother is smart.
  • The zombies will want his brain first.
  • Do zombies pick and choose brains or is it all just meat?
  • Why do zombies eat brains anyway?
  • Finally, my mom wants to know when we are going to start talking about vampires.

You should hear what we discuss on Christmas.

3 important things being said:

sprinkles said...

I invited a friend over to my parents house for Thanksgiving dinner. She and my parents talked and talked and talked and there wasn't much room for me to cut in so I just sat there in silence pretty much. But I noticed how much NICER my parents were with her around. So even though I was annoyed that no one paid any attention to me (because it truly is all about me, after all!), I'm thinking maybe I should invite her to all our holiday dinners. My parents are NEVER that nice when it's just me.

Dewey said...

About the Zombies....one point of correction. There are Zombie animals. What about that movie with Will Smith in NYC where all the people get infected and turn into Zombie things and he finds the cure for them (but sadly gets eaten by them only to pass the cure on with the girl who shows up)? If you recall his dog went Zombie and he had to kill him. Mind you he did get Zombiefied by another dog and the movie is sketchy on how the first dog got its Zombieness. But never the less...Zombie dogs. And if a Hollywood movie isnt perfect evidence then I am not sure your discussion is even valid. - Lori

*~Dani~* said...

sprinkles - That is awful. But you know, I totally believe it. Family always acts different when company is around. Maybe you should invite her to all of your holiday dinners. Takes the stress off of you. However, it also takes the attention off of you. Rock and a hard place for sure.

Dewey - that is true. Odd that it only occurred in that one movie though. However, I do think the book that it was based on is pretty old. Maybe people forgot there were supposed to be dog zombies? Also, if there are dog zombies, why not dog horses, etc?

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