It Wouldn't Be Thanksgiving Unless There Was a Roast

No, we didn't eat roast on Thanksgiving, but we sure had one.  As we finished eating, B started telling story after story. About ME.  Seriously.  One after the other. Non. Stop.

It started with the story about how I made mustard chicken once. That was followed by the time I cut my finger on a can of corn.  That segwayed to the time he did not believe I needed to go to the hospital, but oh yeah, my appendix needed to come out.  And my gallbladder.  Then he somehow started talking about the time I locked myself out of the house.  

It was starting to sound like a bad blog regurgitation/stand up comedy routine.  Except these people didn't know that I had a blog, so it sounded like a "let's make fun of Dani on this holiday upon which we give thanks."  

COME UP WITH YOUR OWN MATERIAL, B!

Just kidding.  In fact, sometimes I think B practically writes this blog, he just doesn't know it. In fact, he sparked the whole conversation my family had at the now annual Thanksgiving day breakfast. What would that be?

The zombie apocalypse of course.

B told me about his friend who is fully prepared for said apocalypse and even shared his extensive plan WITH HIS CHILDREN.

I decided this must be discussed at breakfast despite the fact that my brother and father do not share my love for zombies.  Can I tell you that zombies are now the great conversation equalizer? It is the truth. Bring it up and people will join in.  Just the other day I said to my coworkers "The zombie apocalypse is coming and I fear I am not prepared."  People immediately offered ideas and banded together against this purely fictionalized idea.  Zombies. Bringing people together while scaring the living shit out of them.

So what did my family accomplish during Thanksgiving breakfast?  Check this out:

• B would live on an island so the zombies wouldn't get to him.
• His friend thinks zombies could just walk under the water and get him.
• My dad says no one, even dead people, can walk under water without their heads being crushed from the pressure.
• My brother says crushing heads is an effective way to kill a zombie.
• I ponder why there are no zombie animals.
• B says because the zombies cannot catch them.
• My brother says it is due to noncommunicable transfer - kind of like dogs and cats not being able to have sex.
• My brother is smart.
• The zombies will want his brain first.
• Do zombies pick and choose brains or is it all just meat?
• Why do zombies eat brains anyway?
• Finally, my mom wants to know when we are going to start talking about vampires.

You should hear what we discuss on Christmas.