The other day when it was about a bazillion degrees out, I decided to eat some watermelon. Nothing odd about that, right? What was odd was when I looked to my left and a bug was running up to me. A water bug! I decided that was hilariously clever and took to Twitter to tell the world about the irony of such events.
Then B came upstairs and I relayed the story to him. His exact words? "Couldn't have been a water bug." He was so definitive and stern. And so wrong. Why, yes it was a water bug, I KNOW WHAT A WATER BUG LOOKS LIKE, I GREW UP COLLECTING THEM! (Maybe I didn't tell him that last part as it sounds kind of serial killer like). B was insistent and then informed me that waterbugs are really roaches and that landlords just call them that so people won't complain about them.
Then I lost my shit.
ROACHES? ARE YOU SAYING I JUST KILLED A ROACH? WE HAVE ROACHES? I GREW UP WITH ROACHES? I REFUSE TO BELIEVE THIS IS TRUE.
He tells me to Google it, so I do and I get this:
INSERT AWFUL IMAGE OF GROSS ROACH BUG HERE.
Seriously, I cannot even pick one for you to look at because they are all freaking me out.
Suffice it to say, that is NOT what I saw and NOT what I killed and most definitely NOT what I collected as an oddball child that might have serial killer tendencies but never killed anything. What was I referring to? Well, as I said to B:
No, no, no. My bug was like a roly poly type thing that rolls into a ball when you touch it. I then googled "roly poly bug" and up came this:
Much cuter, right? People (other than me) collect them and give them playgrounds even:
Nobody needs to use their imaginations these days. Geesh! Also, I no longer feel like the biggest used to be nerd kid.
While I am relieved to note I do not have roaches, it kind of makes the whole watermelon story a lot less ironic, doesn't it?