The Amityville Office

My office is not haunted, that I know of, at least.  However, it is filled with bugs. Way too many bugs for an office on the second floor. Again, I am puzzled as to how the bugs get there, kind of like the ants.  The flying bugs I can see making their way up to us, but the crawlers? Why did they choose the second floor over the first?

Now when I say filled with bugs that might be a slight exaggeration, but only slight. In fact, just last week I saw two GIANT horse flies, a dead bee, a giant crawly thing and a mosquito that I squished in my office. That was in one day. Just one.  Here is where I will tell you that my office building is really nice.  I know you don't believe me, but it is true. I guess bugs just like nice offices.

I first noticed this bug problem shortly after starting. There was the ugliest scariest looking bug in my office one day.  Luckily he was only by the door and after I glared at him awhile, or shrieked, he casually walked across the hall into the office of a guy who is rarely there, so I proceeded to get up and shut his door.  The bug made an appearance later that week at which time I decided SOMETHING MUST BE DONE. So I went to one of the partners (yes I go straight to the top) and said "come kill this crazy looking bug."  He took one look at the bug and said "oh, that's a [insert crazy long bug name here] bug. We get those all the time." and then he WALKED AWAY.  Um, no.  I made him come back and kill or remove the bug. To this day I am not sure which he did. He was right though. I saw quite a few of those bugs throughout the past couple of years. Usually just walking along the walls minding their own business. To say I and the bugs have become friends would be a stretch, but I have learned to tolerate their presence.

The huge horse flies, dead bees and mean looking bugs? Those things are new. They stormed in all at once and quite honestly, I think the office is possessed. After spotting the two horse flies and passing the dead bees, I was beginning to think that our office was resembling the set of a horror flick.  Then I went into a partner's office.  We were discussing important things, no doubt, when he pointed and said "Is that a fly on the wall?"  Sure enough, he was pointing at one of the huge horse flies.  His question unleashed all of my fears and so I responded accordingly:

"Yes! That is a huge horse fly [pointing at fly]! He is one of TWO huge flies. This office is full of bugs - full of them! There are these two HUGE horse flies, dead bees, mosquitoes and crazy crawly bugs. Look, I am telling you right now, this office is like The Amityville house.  And, if I hear anything that remotely sounds like "get out!" I am getting the heck out of here without a second thought. I hope you are with me."

You are wondering if I really did say that. Yes, I did. And I really would be out of there. If a building speaks, you have to listen. Especially when there are horse flies, bees and other bugs all around you.  And also, when your phone was previously haunted.  If my love of horror movies has taught me anything, it is to pay attention to the signs.

I am calling in sick tomorrow.