Thursday, October 09, 2008

Memos and Briefs on Driving


To:  Guy Driving to the Left of Us
From: Me

It is NOT okay to drive down the street without a shirt on.  Especially when it is below 50 degrees out and I am wearing gloves.  Especially when we cannot tell if you are wearing pants. That will result in me yelling to B - "BUT IS HE WEARING PANTS?"  That mystery remains unsolved.



To:  Guy Driving to the Right of US
From:  Me

If you have to hold an ice pack to the side of your head while driving, you probably should not be driving - concussion and all.  I see you have a passenger.  Perhaps your passenger can drive? And perhaps along the way he can take you to a hospital for your injuries.



To: Lady in the Lane Next to Me
From: Me

Hi! Perhaps you did not see me, driving in my own lane, going the speed limit next to you. I know you want to be where I am, who doesn't?  However, you cannot beep at me as if I am doing something wrong because you have decided RIGHT AT THAT MINUTE that you MUST be where I am. Relax!  You can either (a) speed up and get in front of me or b) slow down and get behind me. Putting on your turn signal will not help either.  Here's the thing - our cars are side by side. You cannot be where I am without slowing down or speeding up. And, no, it is not MY job to assist you in lane changing.  If you continue to beep, I will just smirk at you.  You know how mad that makes you.



The other day I was driving behind a guy with a personalized license plate that said " I TILE".  At first I thought the meaning was so clear - "oh he tiles! Like floors and things."  That was immediately followed by - "but what if he plays Scrabble? What if he plays Scrabble and is always looking for the 'i' tile?  Or he always wins using the 'i' tile?"  Now the license plate isn't so clear anymore is it?  Am I the only one that thought of Scrabble?  Please don't answer that.  


The other day I went to the grocery store and was happy to see a parking space up front and then ecstatic to see that I could pull through it to avoid reversing in the future.  Reversing is so troublesome.  I just like to move forward.  As soon as I put the car in park, I saw an SUV about to pass me and it dawned on me that this woman may have seen the empty parking space I was in and hoped, like I, that she could get a space up front.  However, she was not in my lane at the time and she did not have a turn signal on.  Nothing clued me in besides a hunch.  My hunch was right because she ended up parking in the spot behind me after completing a 17 point turn to get into it.  This made me feel bad.  And for some reason, I decided to apologize.

Heading to the back of my vehicle where I keep my reusable grocery bags (I am so green!), I see her get out of her vehicle and I say "I'm sorry. I did not realize you were planning on parking here or I never would have pulled through."  And then, this happened:

She got back into her vehicle and started her car!!

What the heck? Did she REALLY think I was going to apologize, get back into my car, start it and MOVE IT?  And move it to where? So she could pull through and then I could pull behind her? What is this musical parking spaces?  So I did what anyone would do, I turned around and got my bags out of my car.  She proceeded to turn off her car and get back out.  I apologized again and she glared at me and went into the store.

No good deed goes unpunished. Lesson learned - do not apologize especially when you did not do anything wrong. Some might take it as an admission of guilt.  And some might want you to unexplainably move your vehicle.  Next time, just park.

1 important things being said:

Jennifer said...

I am confused about this car parking situation. I think I need a diagram or chart or something?

I also find it odd when people drive shirtless. We have one guy in our complex who insists of walking his dog without a shirt. I think Bryan wants to kick his a**. because he is so annoyed by this.

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