Dear Riddler...

No this is a not a letter to me, but I sure wish it was and that I was an advice columnist because I would have plenty to say.  Of course, no one would send me any letters after reading my advice and the column would quickly dry up and I would be broke in no time, but I would have had some good times.

So,  I get a bunch of magazines.  Too many, I am sure B would say. Well he does say that while accusatorily pointing at the stack and failing to realize how many Esquires and Maxims are mixed in.  Those aren't mine, ya know. Anyway, some of these magazines are what we call "girl" or "women" magazines. Not girlie magazines. And not Playgirl.  Magazines for the young woman or family gal.  One that I regularly read is Redbook.  Another is Cosmo, but I am about to cancel that because really, are there honestly 100 different ways to please your man EVERY month? Wouldn't that equate to 1200 ways to please your man in the course of a year? Who has that much time?  Sounds exhausting. Can't you just pick a couple that are good and stick with those?  

In these magazines, there are always advice columns.  Cosmo's questions, to no surprise, are about sex. Didn't they cover that from cover to cover? (Say THAT three times fast).  While Redbook's questions, on the other hand, tend to be broader and cover a wider range of topics such as family issues, health and apparently, work.  The latest issue offers this letter. I thought it was a joke:

I have a coworker who won't confide in me or anyone

else at our job anymore.  Also, when I dish to her about

other people we work with, she doesn't even respond. I

want her to confide in me because I think she needs my 

help to get her life together - she's made some very bad

dating choices in the past, and I don't really care for how she

does her makeup or hair.  I think she needs my friendship, 

because she sounds so pathetic.  The other coworkers

suspect that she stopped confiding in us because she

thinks we talk about her behind her back - buy we only

do it because we care.  How do I get this coworker to let

down her guard and let me back in?

(Redbook, November 2008)

I kid you not, that is the letter.  Now the advice columnist was probably kinder than I would have been although she was straight to the point in declaring who exactly was pathetic, without using those exact words.  I, on the other hand would start by saying unless you are God himself, you should not be authoring that letter and I would venture to say even He would not do that.  I would follow that with these points:

• is this a joke?
• really...you can tell me.
• I won't dish to anyone I swear. I don't even know what dish is when used as a verb, I just use it to describe my nouns, the dishes.
• but if you want me to gossip, I'll gossip. I can gossip with the best of them. Did you hear about the coworker who thinks she's above everyone and has better relationships, hair, makeup, friendship and life?
• you didn't huh? Maybe no one is confiding in you.
• I wonder why they have their guard up around you. Why is there this wall?
• it is like they cannot let anyone in and "be themselves" around you. Strange.
• maybe if you try harder you can be let back in. 
• perhaps you can start by offering unsolicited advice about their relationships...
• and their makeup...
• and their hair.
• but not directly to them...
• behind their back...
• because you care, of course.

Now, I could give real advice in response to this letter. But I will let the professional at Redbook do that.   She is paid and probaby certified and licensed and such.  I am just a girl, not yet a woman, or something like that.  I will just stick to what I know.

About those 100 different ways to please your man...