One Time at the Hockey Game

Recently we went to a hockey game with our friends S & R.  We scored free tickets for good seats and were happy because it is rare that we get to go to hockey games.   You know why I was happy? Shenanigans always occur at sporting events - in the crowd.  As I told you here, sports are really not my thing. My job when attending is to observe everything going on around us and report it to B.  B then reports everything that is happening in the game to me. We tend to ignore what the other is saying.

So this game's audience did not disappoint.  Within the first period, four people came and sat down in front of us.  These were the four most mismatched people I have ever seen.  There were two girls and two guys.  The girls were young and pretty, maybe 21.  The guys were neither. The first guy was probably in his 30s and the second was probably in his 60s.  Neither guy was particularly attractive.  At least the 60 year something had some game. He talked up his girl and they laughed.  The other guy sat like a lump barely speaking to his "partner." We tried to imagine how these four came across each other's paths, but could not come up with anything.  Thinking for sure that these four would be our entertainment for the night, we settled into our seats for the "show."  However, as it turns out, different hilarity was about to ensue.

In front of the four mismatched beings, were two very drunk young guys, probably around the girls' age.  When the home team scored, the two guys proceeded to high five everyone, including the young girls.  That is when they noticed the girls or what I like to call "game on!"  They start not so subtly staring at the girls, talking about the girls and wondering about the girls and the guys accompanying them.   Much to everyone's disappointment, the four mismatched ones decided to leave.  As they got up, the one girl's ever elegant tramp stamp, a pistol with a flower, was exposed.  Query - do you think at some point someone called her a real "pistol" and she decided to go with it or was she all gangsta'? Feel free to discuss.  Another query - when the two young drunk guys high-fived the girls, did the 60 year old think to himself "ahhh...young kids, they are so cute...wait, I am with one?" Did he feel threatened at all?  And more importantly, did he think he really had a chance with this girl?  These thoughts keep me awake at night.

After the girls' departure, the drunk guys continued to keep us entertained by setting their sights on new young girls that arrived with their thong underwear exposed (these boys loved the classy ones), singing, standing up and dancing seemingly suggestively but mostly sloppy, disappearing for over a period (at least one of them while the other tried to call him), and then, after I had remarked that the older couple sitting next to them were trying to sit as far away from them as possible in connected seats - the boys decided to leave at which point the drunker of the two said to the couple "see you in the future." Not sure if that was a promise or a warning but it sounded like a threat. The woman apparently felt the same way because she actually recoiled from the boy.

After their departure all was not lost for entertainment purposes. There was the drunk girl in the section to the left of us who fell down the stairs, fell up the stairs, walked at a 90 degree angle, and danced to the Happy Birthday song. Yes, as in "Happy Birthday to You." That song. And, last but not least, was the farting couple.  B and I told S&R early in the game about them. Last time we sat behind them and almost died.  We decided it was the woman because it would happen when the husband was off buying an entire pizza to eat by himself.  As we were discussing it B remarks "it smells like someone is farting right now."  And it did. Two hours later - mystery solved.  I spot the farting couple a few rows down and shout "it's the farting couple."  Luckily they didn't hear me, but we sure smelled them.  (Another fun fact - I like to shout and point during hockey games.  I don't know why. If there is a fight on the ice, I will shout and point "fight!"  Sometimes this is followed by "Git 'em.").

All in all a good time was had by all, but especially by us because we got to witness the entire circus. And it was a circus.  In fact, I heard a lady say to her friend who arrived precariously holding a pizza box with three drinks on it "that is quite the circus trick you've got going." And then she sang the circus music song.  I cried to B "she is singing the circus music song!" to which he replied "I guess you're not the only one."   But she didn't dance and march like I do when I sing it to B.  Nobody can do that.