Ramblings of a Riddler...

It has been a long week and I cannot put together one big coherent story, so that will have to wait until tomorrow.  Instead, you get my ramblings. Enjoy.

~People look at you funny if you only wash one hand in the bathroom, even if your other hand is injured and you did not use it.  These same people do not blink twice if someone walks out of the bathroom without washing their hands at all.~

~Your stream of consciousness is supposed to STAY in your consciousness. When I am waiting for the judge to call my case, I do not want to hear the following come from your mouth in between gasps for air "must put my stuff down" and "have to check in with the clerk now."  I do NOT need a play by play of your actions because I can SEE YOU (and you are not that interesting in any event).~

~The doctor has told me I am narcoleptic, among other things.  I prefer to say I love naps. Nice long naps. All day long.  However, even I, in my narcoleptic state, could not fall asleep and immediately start snoring LOUDLY within two minutes of sitting down in a courtroom.  How do you make it through your job buddy?  Oh - and you need to see a few doctors, at a minimum, to help you with your multitude of problems.  But not my doctor. He only misdiagnoses me and then forgets my ailments.  That will not do you any good.~

~My office eats WAY too many Cheezits (not I - I stick to pretzels).  We have gone through 4 cases in a week. That is 12 lbs per case or 48 POUNDS of Cheezits. In a WEEK??? We need an office fast (um, not feast) pronto! Although the person that dropped the Cheezit in the bathroom needs a different kind of help.  Cheezits in the bathroom?  Why would you take FOOD in the bathroom?~

~Speaking of bathrooms and the office, a vagina exploded in the women's office the other day. Yes, you read right. No, I have no explanation. I apologize if the word "vagina" offended you but you cannot nearly be as offended as my nostrils were.  I can only hope that the person was in our office seeking counsel to file a lawsuit against her doctor for malpractice.  If not, she should be.  And I should get pain and suffering.  Five hours worth.  That is how long it took to clear up. Five hours!  I think they actually infused the bathroom with brand new air.  Oh and to the person a couple hours later that thought the bathroom spray would work? It didn't.  It just smelled like a flowery exploded vagina. Nice try though.~

~Speaking of math and the office (see math two paragraphs ago), it is probably a good idea if you are going to send a forwarded email to the entire office about an alternate proposal for the $700 billion bailout, that you make sure the math in the email is correct.  Otherwise, someone in the office, perhaps even your own secretary, will immediately hit "reply to all" and totally destroy the whole point of the email with accurate calculations and everyone else will just pretend they did not witness the whole chain of events.  (No, I did not send out this forward. I also did not do the math but did check it and cackle after the reply to all). (P.S. even snopes did the math right)~

~I say F@ck an awful lot. Even when I am not reinjuring myself.~

~Yesterday afternoon there was a "Breaking News" email sent by the local news indicating a nearby school had been closed due to a "foul odor having been detected."  Boy, that vagina travels.~

~Does anyone know what Pickleball is?  Someone in the office won a gold medal in this event. I am not sure if it is a sport or something dirty. Either way I am scared.  I was also blissfully unaware that some coworkers were involved in local Olympics.  Lost bliss  is a terrible thing.~

~One can only wonder what Google searches will lead people to this post.~