Friday, January 23, 2009

Today I Got an Eyeful

That would be literally, of course.  I swear if there is a slim margin of chance something will happen to me, it will.  And hilarity may ensue.

I had a client lunch meeting at one of the fancy schmancy restaurants my Partner likes to frequent. Actually, I guess I like to frequent as well since the entire staff knows my name and my waitress doesn't even bring me a menu anymore.  In any event, I was exactly on time which meant I was late in my Partner's eyes, so I was in a bit of a rush.  The valet guy, who also knows me, was kind enough to open the door for me. As I was walking quickly through and about to maneuver myself out of my coat for the coatcheck, it happens...

A HUGE plop of water from the top of the door falls down in between my glasses and face and RIGHT INTO MY EYE.  I was so stunned and discombobulated, I almost fell over.  Right at that moment a maitre d' type guy opens the next door for me.  Half blind, I stumbled in and wondered how I was going to get all of that water out of my eye, off my face and off my glasses without admitting what happened and in the mere 30 seconds I had to get to the table with the clients.

I started trying to nonchalantly wipe at my eye.  Seriously I must have looked like I was crying from only one eye.  As that did not appear to be working, I decide to remove my glasses and take a big swipe. At that exact moment, maitre d' guy decides to act like the coat check and take my coat for me.  Now I am trying to maneuver myself out of my coat while holding my glasses and wiping my eye.  Perhaps I never told you how blind I am without the glasses? Oh, but I guess I did.  While this is happening maitre d' guy says "The rest of your party is already here" (Crap! I AM late) followed by "can you see them."  Ha! Is this a joke? NO I CANNOT SEE THEM! I HAVE BEEN BLINDED BY YOUR LEAKY DOOR AND AM HOLDING MY SUPER THICK GLASSES IN MY HAND.

Instead I say "oh of course I see them."  And just turn right.  Luckily Partner picked the table that he normally does and I was headed in the right direction. However, since they had not seen me just yet, I dodged into the women's room to get rid of the water.  Of course, by that time it had dried. And there were two women in the extremely small bathroom. I have never seen one person in the bathroom, let alone two women who are now eyeing me strangely as I look in my eye, wipe my brow and wipe my glasses.  I could still feel that big plop in my eye.

Finally made my way to the table and all was well...until cappuccino time.  The waitress always brings chocolate chip biscotti cookies with my cappuccino, enough for the table. Everyone wins with my cappuccino order.  As I was eating the cappuccino, Partner said something so ridiculous that I went to laugh, but instead lodged the piece of biscotti sideways in my throat. I am not kidding. It hurt like hell!  Trying to maintain my cool while I had visions of dying in the restaurant, I swiftly swallow a bunch of water, finally feeling the cookie go down. I then declare to Partner "You nearly killed me!"  And all was well...

Until back at the office when my throat became so scratchy, it made eating cake painful and that is just A SHAME.  Apparently I really scratched up my throat with that biscotti. Who knows what I did to my eye with that nasty melty water plop.

At least I was able to belt out Happy Birthday, in true dramatic fashion, in between the part time theater person and the accounting person, with arms spread wide.

And not knock anything over.

4 important things being said:

Jennifer said...

OMG, you are lucky it was not an icile! You could have been killed.

*~Dani~* said...

Jenny - I never thought of that. I would definitely not be able to see then. Although I am thinking the icicle might not have a good of a shot getting in between my glasses like the water.

Dingo said...

The whole drop in the eye thing...did you ever see 28 Days Later? The dad, the bird,... you get where I am going with this. If you start to feel woozy and crave raw meat...

*~Dani~* said...

Dingo - crap! I never thought about that. I have been craving bloody meat lately. Now, B better not be like the husband in 28 Weeks Later and ditch me for dead, because I will come and get him.

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