You all know that my office* loves its snacks, right? They always have an abundance of cheezits cheeseballs, goldfish, and two kinds of pretzels. Even the clients love the snacks. Well some may say the love for snacks went a bit too far.
First, someone decided we needed healthy snacks. Although, generally a good idea, that meant one of the above snacks had to go because there wasn't enough room. Sadly it was the nugget pretzels and the goldfish. People cried. People wailed. I just thanked God the cheeseballs stayed.** In their place we got a wide variety of snacks that would make their debut every Monday. Yes, only one snack at a time and only on Monday. They would just appear in a basket. If they were good snacks and disappeared quickly, we still had to wait until the following Monday for more snacks. The anticipation and tortuer and wondering was just too much for me to handle. Until the raisins debuted. Then I just laughed dismissively and made myself a big ol' bowl of cheeseballs.
Next came the fresh fruit. That was brilliant. Except it was pay for your own on the honor system and some of the fruit was very expensive. I stuck with bananas as they were only a quarter. Helluva deal folks. Of course, I didnt eat them in the office. I took them home to put them in my cereal. Who wants to buy a bunch of bananas that go bad when you can just get one in your office? My logic astounds me.
Finally one day I happened to look at our vending machine. Yes, throughout this all we still had a vending machine with your usual array of items - candy bars, chips, donuts, etc. Well I noticed it was looking quite sparse:
A closer look revealed that it was almost empty:
When I inquired as to what was going on, I was told that a new company bought the old company but they were in a fight over who gets what profits or something so the old company stopped stocking and locked the machines so the new one could not get in. It was a snack war! I pondered whether there was a snack mafia and whether a shoot out would occur in our kitchen. Luckily, our receptionist packs some heat.*** So there we were with limited snacks and stale chips. This did not deter some people in the office who continued to purchase snacks WAY beyond their expiration date. I then pondered if we would need to call an ambulance. Apparently, though, chocolate never really expires. Think about THAT.
In order to pacify the peeps who were upset about stale chips and nonexistent junk food, the office decided to bring in its own snacks to sell. It started out small:
And then grew to epic proportions:
It does look a bit like a grocery store, no?
*My former office, but that's for another post.
**The big man is looking out for me!
***The receptionist got a CCW license and started carrying a gun. Try swiping your cards through our secured doors again client man!