Monday, August 17, 2009

You Say Tomato, I Say Porn...

I have a problem. Sometimes I hear people say things that don't make any sense. I don't know if it is because I really don't listen to them or if my brain likes to twist things around. However, it does make for some amusing times. Unless it happens with B because then I get the old "WHY would I say THAT?" Party pooper. The thing is...sometimes people do say crazy, random, off-the-wall things. In fact, it happens so much in my line of work perhaps that is why I don't think twice if I think someone in my social circle appears to have said something insane.

Apparently, though, this lack of listening properly also encompasses a lack of reading properly which I found out last week in court. After having waited for about 3 hours, and after having been called LAST on the docket even though I was unopposed, it was finally time to head back to the office. I was standing in the hallway with a younger male attorney whom I did not know lamenting on how long we had been there (he had been second to last on the docket - still in front of me!) and a middle aged woman. Finally the elevator arrives, the door opens and out comes a man wearing a polo with some writing on it. Here, is where it all went wrong. After I, the young male attorney and the woman get in the elevator and the doors shut, I turn to them and say:

Me: Did that guy's shirt say PORNmouth?
YML: Um, no. It said PORTmouth.
Me: Oh...okay. Everyone just forget I ever said anything.
YML: Pornmouth? What's on YOUR mind?
Me: Yep, like I said, everyone just forget I even asked.
YML: It is Friday night. What are YOUR plans for tonight?*
Lady: [snicker]

Then the elevator stopped, the doors opened and I shouted "This is my floor" while running out and not even checking to see if it was my floor.** Thankfully, it was.




*Obviously this man does not know me at all because if he did he would know that my Friday night plans usually involve falling asleep in the chair in my office before 9. I like to live it up on the weekends.

**This sentence makes it sound like I was embarrassed. Really I was not all that embarrassed. I have no shame.

9 important things being said:

reederscorner said...

That's HILARIOUS! I use to have a friend that would always think I said something different than what I actually said... For instance, I would say "I'm going to wash my hands" and she would say, "Did say you were going to wash a hippo" which clearly doesn't make any sense... lol

Debbie said...

That's funny. I think we all have our moments like that. I know I have and it doesn't mean I have porn on the brain!

Jennifer said...

That is way too funny. Maybe the shirt really did say PORNmouth. They just did not want to see it and read it as "PORTmouth". Either way, you and YML must have gotten pretty close for you to be talking about porn with him!

j'lynn said...

OMG...I laughed my ass off on this one. And the worst part is...I can hear it in my head! LOL

Do you know what else I can hear? A particular mutual known YML saying during a deposition to you, "Hey, there was some attorney that got on an elevator with someone I know that thought someone's shirt said PORNmouth because she is in to PORN on Friday nights!" LOL

Andhari said...

I blame it all on the law school, you see? I totally do the same thing :p

Blaez said...

i do the same thing. i hear wrong i read wrong and i even speak wrong... my bf could write a book on the hilarious stuff i've gotten backwards due to my pain medication :)

*~Dani~* said...

reederscorner - yep, that sounds like me which is why B gets so upset. "why would i say HIPPO". It is funny :)

Debbie - we sure do. And sometimes we have porn on the brain when we don't say things like that!

Jennifer - sadly it did say portmouth. I saw him again as I was leaving and read it correctly then. Although, it wouldn't have surprised me if it had said what I thought. The things people wear to court!

jlynn - hilarious!! I can totally see that happening. Pure entertainment, that one.

Andhari - you are on to something. I dont think I had this problem prior to law school!

Blaez - pain meds will always mess you up. Except Vicodin - I am a whiz at Jeopardy on Vicodin. Go figure!

MKL said...

That was funny! But how I came here was totally random. I feel like you stepping out of that elevator ;)

*~Dani~* said...

MKL - randomness begets randomness I guess. I love me all things random. So welcome, and come back any time. I am sure there will be more random things for you to enjoy :)

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