Wednesday, August 04, 2010

A Tribute to the One I Love Who Riddled Me With Anxiety and Almost Gave Me an Ulcer a/k/a Please Don't Do That Again*


Oh, Brad. From the moment you entered our lives, you entered my heart. Then you stole it every time you sat on my lap and looked up at me adoringly.  B was a little slower to give his heart away, but once you started showering him with affection, it was all over.


So when B called me Monday evening at the office raging about how the delivery guy dropped off a package and let you out, I was fearful we would never see you again.




B insisted I track down our delivery driver because he was hopping mad. That conversation proved to be futile and just got me hopping mad:

Lady: How can I help you?
Me: I need to find out who our driver is. He let our cat out and now he is missing!
Lady: I cannot give you that information.
Me: What do you mean you cannot give me that information? How can you not know who delivered our package? Aren't they scanned?
Lady: I do not have that information, but have you checked in your yard for the cat?
Me: No. I haven't. I THOUGHT I COULD JUST CALL YOU AND THE DRIVER COULD COME BACK AND DRIVE ME AROUND TO FIND THE CAT! OF COURSE I CHECKED MY YARD.
Me: Sorry, I am upset.  Maybe the driver could give us an idea of where the cat went.
Lady: I cannot track that.
Me: Really? I find this hard to believe since your business is TRACKING! YOU TRACK PACKAGES BUT DON'T KNOW WHO DELIVERED THEM? IS THIS A JOKE?

It was no joke. You were gone.


B took two bicycle rides and walked Jersey around the neighborhood twice. He saw no less than 20 stray cats. You were not one of them. I kept saying that I thought you would just appear walking all stiff legged toward me like you do.


So I took my laptop on the front porch and waited, but you never came.  B put out food and tuna (when have you ever had tuna?) hoping you would get hungry and come back at some point.  But we were worried about you without any claws. We have heard the street cats fighting.  How would you have a chance? You are too sweet.


B declared you dead.  Chester and Mooch had a meeting on the dining room table and eyed me suspiciously, convinced I had something to do with your disappearance. I couldn't tell if they were happy or not.

We were definitely not happy.

We went to bed sad and worried.  I didn't want to lose my little streetcat and I hoped that you would just miraculously make your way home and back to your favorite places to sleep.


I went to bed with positive thoughts and when B woke me up at 5 am declaring Christmas had come, I welcomed you into my arms and bed despite your crusty fur and dirty looking self.


To me, you were beautiful.

Welcome back home, Brad. Now, DON'T EVER ESCAPE AGAIN!**






*Also know as longest post title ever!
**Turns out that the delivery person did not let Brad out but may have spooked him into jumping out a screen.  B is currently working on the screen. The cats are currently banned from the catio.

7 important things being said:

sprinkles said...

Welcome home, sweet kitty!

suze2000 said...

What a relief, I was really worried for a minute there.

I once had a cat go missing for three days. It was awful. :( But he came back! They usually do. :)

Brahm (alfred lives here) said...

Ooh, glad he came back, you had me worried there, and I dont know you or the cat.

So the stress thing worked, which either means you are a great writer, or a cruel smug bastard who enjoys torturing your readers. Or I guess both...

Lisa Medley said...

I saw the title to your post on Small Notebook's comment page and had to check it out. It was also the longest post title ever, ha!

So glad your kitty is safe and sound. Our inside cat Pansy has never been outside but I fear one day she'll squirt out and get eaten by coyotes. We live in the boonies on 30 acres of raging wild animals ;)

Once at my daughter's birthday party, my mother came up to us outside carrying a black and white cat that was clawing furiously to be let go. She thought Pansy (also black and white) had escaped when one of the fifteen screaming prescholers had left the door open. As I got closer to her I realized it was NOT Pansy but some stray feral cat that was none too happy to be enjoying the affections of a doting Nana. It finally sunk it's claws in and escaped her hold.

We were all relieved later that Pansy was in fact happily hidden under our master bed.

Sometimes there still ARE happy endings ;)

*~Dani~* said...

sprinkles - That is exactly what I sad. Then I slobered him with kisses. Then I washed my mouth.

suze2000- I wanted to convey how worried we are, because we were super worried. I am so glad your catscapade story ended happily too! I cannot imagine three days of waiting and agnozing though!

Brahm - I will go with I am a great writer and ignore the rest. Isn't that what a cruel smug would do? ;) By the way, I am enjoying your blog and alfred!

Lisa Medley - I can be wordy. Even B would agree with that. We do not have coyotes (although a few have been reportedly spotted) but we do have wild dogs, wild cats and plain old cars. Enough to destroy a kitten quickly enough. That story about the feral Pansy and your mother is hysterical! I am sure it wasn't at the time, especially for your mother, but that is comic gold. Glad Pansy is safe and sound :)

Jennifer said...

I am so glad he came home! I would have been so sad if he was gone forever. I bet he is telling the other furries in the house about his adventures and they are plotting a massive escape.

*~Dani~* said...

Jennifer - speaking of massive escapes, we are on round 2. Brad got out again tonight. This cat is going to give me a heart attack yet!

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