Tuesday, January 12, 2010

I Am a Vampire, but There Are Drugs for That

Recently I went to the doctor for my yearly physical and blood work. That is, if you call recently three months ago. Anyhow, I never called to get the results of my blood work. For most this would not be a problem. As B says, "if there is a problem, they will call YOU." In theory, this is probably correct. With my doctor's office, nothing could be farther from the truth.

You see, back in October of 2006, my doctor sent me for a sleep study as he thought I may have sleep apnea. When I didn't hear back from his office, I called them. The nurse proceeded to tell me that I had been diagnosed with sleep apnea and that the doctor wanted to send me for a second test. Apparently I was just supposed to know this without the office telling me, like I am psychic or something. The joke was on them though. Turns out after a year of battling with a sleep machine, I didn't have sleep apnea after all. I am narcoleptic. In case you don't know, that is pretty much the exact OPPOSITE of sleep apnea.

Yes, I still see the same doctor. At least, the same office.

So I call the other day and tell the nurse it is probably stupid that I am calling because they would have called me if it was important (knowing all the while that probably isn't true). She finds my records and says mostly my blood work was fine, however:

Nurse: Your Vitamin D levels are low.
Me: I was wondering about that and meant to have you check them.
Nurse. Well, it is LOW.
Me: Okay.
Me: um...okay?
Nurse: You need to take a supplement.
Me: Sure.
Nurse: 3,000 units a day
Me: WOW.

Of course when I tell B this he says it is because I never go outside. I do go outside. To get into my car. To get into the office. To get into the house. That is outside, right? Also? I have very nice cancer-free skin. That's a plus. I told B that he would appreciate that in 20 years. He merely responded:

"You will be OLD"

Thanks. Apparently, my Dad and brother had the same reaction, chuckling about my not going outside. I also informed my brother that I had beautiful skin. "Yeah, pale, alabaster, translucent skin", he said.

Jealous, much?

It is not that I don't want to go outside. But what am I supposed to do out there? You have all seen my front porch. Can't sit there. My porch swing is on a covered porch. Sometimes I walk to the store and to Starbucks. One time I hung out at the park until people looked at me weird because there were kids there and I didn't have any kids even though I was swinging on the kids' swing. I go on walking tours. Picnics and barbecues are nice. But on an everyday basis, what am I supposed to be doing out there? Anyone?

I can't help it that fresh air and sunshine makes me want to open all of the blinds, drapes, and windows.

And nap.

Isn't that what a narcoleptic vampire is supposed to do?

4 important things being said:

Debi said...

Yep, just call me Dr. Mom !
I told you that you needed Vitamin D...did you listen to me, Nope, you PAID a Dr. to hear the same thing - sigh, it's hard to be a mom and always (well.. almost) right :-)
Oh and tell B. that in 20 years and you are "old",guess what..he will be too LOL

Andhari said...

LOL you're adorable! And I feel the same way, the only time i'm exposed to some sun is when I go to my campus building from the car park :p

I'm never pale though. Damn south east asians and their always tanned skin.

Jennifer said...

I also assumed that they would call if something was wrong. I never call for results. I sure hope we do not have the same doctor. I would never know what was wrong. LOL.

As for being in the sun, who has time for that? The sun gets in my eyes when I try to enter sweeps and read blogs in the sun.

*~Dani~* said...

Debi - you sure did call that one! And I had to see the doctor anyway ;)~ B is just as old as I am, no matter what he claims.

Andhari - I would rather have permanent tanned skin. At least people wouldn't shout at me to get some sun.

Jennifer - you may want to start calling for results before you turn into a vampire. I never let the sun get in my eyes. Heck, I use my car visor in the winter!

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