Monday, January 04, 2010

Vicky Runs My Life. As She Should Because She is Good at It. Is She Listening?

Vicky came to me on Christmas morning in the hands of B. She was wrapped in a little box and I knew exactly what she was. Probably because B asked me a month prior if I wanted her, informed me when he ordered her, and told me when she arrived at the house. Mystery runs deep with that one.

Vicky is my new BFF. She is very knowledgeable. It is almost like she has a huge database in her head. She also speaks perfect English. As a result, right away I knew her name must be Victoria. However, since we became such fast friends, I now call her Vicky for short.

Victoria, or Vicky for short, is my new Garmin nuvi 205, or GPS for short.* She is currently my most treasured possession. Of course, she is also my most dangerous possession. Really! I no longer have to think at all. I put in the address and Vicky gets me there. She tells me when to turn, even issuing up to two warnings before reaching the desired turn mark.

You can't outsmart Vicky. If you decide you do not like her route, which is always the best route by the way**, she will simply speak to you in her perfect English and say "Recalculating" and the next thing you know, Vicky has a new route planned and is calmly telling you when to turn and where to go without even a hint of anger in her voice.

How is Vicky dangerous, you ask? Well, every time I use her, I rely on her that much more. Go ahead. Ask me how to get to my mother's house that I have driven to every week (and sometimes twice) for the past 6 years. I DON'T KNOW. I can tell you the route I used to take before Vicky came in my life, but that would be the INCORRECT ROUTE.

And when I forget Vicky? DISASTER. Sometimes I don't turn where I need to because I don't hear her voice saying "Turn now." Then when I realize that I missed my turn I start screaming "RECALCULATE" but, sadly, there is no one there to do this for me. So I drive aimlessly around moaning Vicky's name quietly or until something starts to look familiar. Like our driveway because I was just down the block.

Seriously, though, Vicky is wonderful. B and I were driving around looking at Christmas lights with Jersey (who was thrilled as you can imagine) and just having the map on the dash helped when B instructed me to turn down a dead end road. When I told him it was a dead end, he replied "I suppose so." No, it IS A DEAD END ROAD. VICKY SAID SO!!

Yes, B made fun of me the first day for arguing with Vicky - "Yes, I HEAR you. I will turn" or "I can't turn there is a RED LIGHT" - until he drove with her and soon did the same thing. However, he soon came to realize Vicky's infinite wisdom and even took her on a field trip with his parents. Now, when faced with a tough question, even those not about driving, we often ask ourselves "What would Vicky do?"

The answer is always: Turn right now.

And so we do.



*I don't know if that is technically the short version, but all the cool kids call it that.

**It is always the best route because Vicky tells me it is.

***You do NOT argue with Vicky.

***help

12 important things being said:

Jamie said...

Dani I am worried you are falling under the spell of Vicky. That is what happened with me and my Garmin (whose name is Genie) and than she cruelly abused me the whole way home from New Mexico. She was so wonderful navigating around El Paso (and you definitely need one there if you aren't a local) and zipping to various destinations in Las Cruses, but when it came time to head back to Nebraska she had a total meltdown and took me three hours out of my way through the seventh circle of hell (aka Kansas). When I was two miles from home, Genie insisted I drive another ten miles to a main highway and then backtrack around another fifteen miles to enter my town from the opposite direction. Genie also instructed me to go off roading in the river outside of Liberal, Kanas and I wisely ignored her. Genie is great to have along for the ride, but be wary of relying too much on her. How have you missed the two very recent instances of people getting stranded in snow because their Garmin told them to go a better way. The old couple of even filmed a good bye video on their cell phone.

EP said...

We recently got a GPS for the car, too, and were madly impressed by ours skills. She doesn't have a name yet.

However, she was REALLY bad at pronouncing all the Louisiana-named streets in Baton Rouge. And we may have giggled because of that...

Rebekah J said...

They've obviously gotten a LOT better with GPS devices in the last three years! My friend got one when they first became affordable to the Common Man, and it kept directing us to gas stations that had been closed for years and roads that had been re-routed.

Yay Vicky!

Blaez said...

i want a vickie! i'm envious :)

Debbie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Debbie said...

We borrowed a Garmin for an out of state roadtrip. We soon realized the "shortest route" was the quickest way to being killed! Ok, not completely, but we went from "ooh neat!" to "is your door locked?" a few times.

Jennifer said...

Vicky sounds great. I have an older model Vicky, who is very nice as well. She has a british accent, which makes me feel very fancy.

Sometimes I like to go a totally different way than what she says just so she has to recalculate. I like to make her work for the ride.

Dewey said...

My two BFF's are Barry and Nan. My Blackberry and iPod Nano. The kids think I am a weenie that I named them. I will have to show them your blog.

saratogajean said...

Does Vicky force you to buy her jewelry like that creepy Jarrod commercial?

On a side note, I'm always amazed that my sister's Vicky knows when to switch to "night time" mode, and how would that work in Alaska during the 30 days of night...ah, simple pleasures.

*~Dani~* said...

Jamie - girl where have you been? Also, now I am scared of Vicky and she knows it. I have left her in her little case and have been printing mapquest directions. I feel like I am cheating, but at least I am alive. Right after you wrote that I read about those stupid, I mean poor, people that drove into the middle of nowhere into a snowstorm. I swear I wont let Vicky to that to me. And you better have a long talk with Genie. Tell her she can be replaced!

EP - I never thought about the GPS trying to pronounce foreign names. I bet that was hysterical!

Rebekah - yes, they have gotten so much better that they actually think they are better than you. I am not sure I like the tradeoff though...

Blaez - if I ever get a spare Vicky, i will send her your way. I wont even have to tell her how to get there. She will just know...

Debbie - I will have you know that Vicky shows has no bias or prejudice when it comes to neighborhoods. They are all just maps to her. I find this interesting considering that Vickys are the most stolen things out of vehicles. Perhaps she SHOULD pay better attention!

Jenny - I want to believe Vicky has a British accent but I know she does not. But if she had, I would have been thrilled. I want to pick the voice that I want to hear. Also, you are a slave driver! First your Vicky and now your son.

Dewey - you are very clever. I, too, have a Blackberry but I cannot name it Barry now because you already have and I will look like a copycat. So I shall name it either Blackie or Drew (for Drew Barrymore, get it?). Also it is cool you can call your ipod nano "nan" but what the hell am I supposed to call my ipod touch? Touche?
P.S. The kids will probably still think you are a weenie. And they will think I am one too, I am sure.

Saratogajean - no, but Vicky does make me buy food that is bad for me. At least that is what I would like to believe. I wonder if Vicky could make B buy me jewelry. That would be a score.

Also? I love you for wondering about Alaska's 30 days of night. And Vicky doesn't have night mode, I dont think? I need to learn more on the subject. Where is a vampire when you need one?

Jennifer said...

My Vicky can be British or American. Check your settings. I bet your Vicky could be from across the pond too.

*~Dani~* said...

Jenny - OMG you are so right. Now Vicky is British ! I hope I can understand her...

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