Thursday, July 08, 2010

What's That Spammer? You Want to Give Me Money as a Woman of the Day? Thanks! Wait. What?

I recently received the following spam email. At my work email address, no less. I must say that this is one of the funniest I have received in a while. I should also let you know that the subject was "Dear In-Christ." Of course, that is what caught my eye. Of course, I have absolutely no idea what that means. Since when has that ever stopped me?

For your viewing and deciphering pleasure:

Dear Sir/Madam,

My name is Mrs Doris C. E, am 75yrs old of age, i stay in new york city, USA.I am a good merchant, I have several industrial companies and good share in various banks in the world.I spend all my life on investment and coporate business. all the way ilost my husband and two beautiful kids in fatal accident that occur in november 5th 2003.

I am a very greedy woman with all cost i dont know much and care about people, since when I have an experience of my it difficult to sleep and give rest. later in the year 2006 febuary i was sent a letter of medical check up, as my personal doctor testify that i have a lung cancer, which can easily take off my life soon. I found it uneasy to survive myself, because a lot of my investment cannot be run and manage by me again.I quickly call up a pastor/prophet to give me positive thinking on this solution, as my adviser. He minister to me to share my properties ,wealth, to motherless baby/orphanage homes/people that need money for survivor both student that need money/ business woman and man for their investment and for future rising.

So therfore i am writing this letter to people who are really need help from me both student in college, to contact me urgently. so that i can make available preparation on that.especially women of the day, who are divorcedby their husband, why they cannot survive the mist of feeding theirself.

please contact me and stop weeping. probably let me now what you really need the money for, and if you can still help me to distribute money to nearest orhanages homes near your town.now am so much with God, am now born again.May the lord bless you, as you reach me,please to remind you,dont belongs to scammers or any act of fraudlent on internet. I will give more information to you as i await your response immediately to this email address.

I have removed her name and email address for fear that you would be persuaded by this finely written and moving request to accept one billion dollars. I don't know about you, but when I hear about a very greedy woman who tragically lost her family that she didn't care about and then was told she was dying and didn't have much time FOUR YEARS ago and now wants to give me her fortune because I may be a (1) a motherless baby, (2) orphanage home, (3) people that need money for survivor, (4) both student that need money, and (5) business woman for my future rising, I must take advantage of such offer. It also doesn't hurt that I am a (1) woman of the day, (2) divorced by my husband, (3) that cannot survive in the mist of feeding myself. It is almost like she knows me!

So, tell me...how exactly can one be a motherless baby? Even if your mother isn't around, she still exists, unless she was killed in a car accident in 2003 and then that is just tragic. However, I doubt a baby can type. If it can, it don't need your damn money lady. It is also awfully nice of her to offer money to the producers of Survivor (although they don't need it), the two students that need money and the business woman who apparently is dead, but will rise again? Maybe that is what she meant with the subject of "in-christ."

Well, that is all. I cannot go on with this post any longer as I am waiting for The Mist (great movie) so I can survive and feed myself. Maybe then I can stop weeping.

I am awfully hungry right now.




*Spell check had a field day with that letter. I left it as I received it. For autenticity reasons, of course. The humor was just a bonus.

7 important things being said:

Debi said...

ROFL, damn doesn't she know I need the money ......
wait, I think she did try and contact me the other day but I spammed her - sigh, now I missed my chance !

Mike from Adelaide said...

Thank you for that (I laughed and laughed). Begs the question as to how anybody in an English speaking country could ever be sucked in by these things.

Great movie The Mist. My daughter watched it with me and at the end was just saying over and over "That's terrible". I just told her that's the real Stephen King. Perhaps the "mist of feeding theirself" is what the monsters in the mist called said mist?

Memphis Steve said...

I get those emails all the time these days, although I have to say I have never received one claiming to be from New York. That's a riot. I guess if they're going to send us spam, at least these email are entertaining, as opposed to all the Viagra emails and stuff which are just annoying.

*~Dani~* said...

Debi - I am sorry but it does not appear you are in the mist of needing a man or a motherless orphan with a business plan. Maybe next spammer?

Mike - I often wonder that too. Also, the lady claims to be from New York but her English is atrocious. Biggest flag ever. Funny about your daughter and The Mist. The ending was terrible which made it great! Very thought provoking about the mist being the feeding for the mist. I must ponder this some more...

Memphis Steve - long time no see. I get so many of these emails, it is ridiculous. But only the truly ridiculous ones, like this, catch my eye. You are right - much better than Viagra and Pedi Paws or whatever nonsense they are trying to peddle at any given moment.

Tori @Call Girl Stories said...

This was just too damn funny! I couldn't stop laughing. Makes me want to read my spam email more often.

Next will be the african prince who wants to give you a gazillion dollars for....well he doesn't need a reason because he's a prince!

Love your blog!

*~Dani~* said...

Tori - Be careful! It will start off as a fun venture, reading your spam, but the next thing you know, you will be be selling a car you don't even know to overseas people with a US address and your life savings will be gone.

When is the last time you heard of a generous prince? Prince Harry doesn't count although he has his own kind of generosity.

BTW - Welcome :)

Jennifer said...

I'll take the billion dollars! I just know she meant to send that e-mail to me.

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