You Do the Crime, You Can't Have the Cracker

Around these parts, we get a little community newspaper every week. Maybe some of you get one in your parts as well? One of the features of these newspapers is usually a crime watch section that tells you what criminal activity has occurred in the past week. Given the nature of these small communities, the crime watches are usually not that involved. Typically you seem some foiled break in attempts, a lot of stolen cars, "suspicious" individuals stopped, and maybe a drunk driving. But every once in a while, a gem will appear. Like this week, when B read me this story. I wish I could have videotaped B's reading because it was hilarious, but, alas, you will have to live with my writing. So here is the "crime" breakdown:

Suspect* enters store and purchases a $.50 piece of candy with a $20 bill.

Suspect then tries to get three $5 bills for a $10 bill.

When that didn't work, suspect tried to get a $5 bill for 4 $1 bills.

When THAT didn't work, suspect told the clerk that he wanted to purchase a $1.09 chocolate covered graham cracker and stated he wanted his original $20 bill back and to start the "transaction" all over again.

At that point the clerk recognized the suspect from his picture being hung in the store**. Clerk must have then said something to the suspect.

Suspect then became agitated and threw the cracker on the counter and left.

Suspect was later found and arrested for attempted larceny and trespassing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Really...is this not THE oldest trick in the book? Trying to get more change back then what you gave and making multiple transactions to fool the clerk? This criminal is a big spender though. Way to break out a $20 for a $.50 piece of candy. Couldn't afford a whole candy bar?

Now, if you are going to try a very old, unoriginal scam, do you think maybe you might want to try it somewhere new? Perhaps not at the place that has caught you before and has felt the need to post your picture?

The clerk had infinitely more patience than I. I think upon the first request for change, he would have been denied with some remark like "This isn't an ATM, son" said in my best Samuel Jackson voice, of course.

That $.50 piece of candy and $1.09 chocolate graham cracker cost this suspect a lot, at least a few days in jail.

Maybe he should have kept that cracker.

*Suspect is a highly technical term used when the person has not yet been convicted of the crime even though we all know he did it, there were eye witnesses and in some instances, even confessions. Drives me crazy. Almost as crazy as the overuse of the word "allegedly."

**I am surprised it took the clerk that long to recognize him actually. Perhaps he tried it on a new clerk and thought that was mixing it up enough.

You Know You're Really Tired When...

...you fall asleep during the last 10 minutes of Lost, the GOOD 10 minutes and have to rewind it to see what you missed (I love you DVR!)

...you decide to go to bed at 10:10 because you feel asleep during the second watching of the last 10 minutes of Lost

...although you are typically a light sleeper, you are startled awake by your husband shaking you upon arriving home*

...upon being shaken awake by said husband you exclaim "Watch out for the lamp!" When asked what lamp you are referring to, you point to the middle of the bed**

...after your husband leaves the cats get in a huge fight right beneath your bed which includes scrambling, meowing and hissing and which requires your husband to remove one cat by his scruff, yet you do not hear a thing

...while making breakfast the next day you pour your iced tea into your OATMEAL, then when realizing your mistake you turn and pour it into a DIRTY glass

...it takes you a good 5 minutes to realize you need to dump the iced tea oatmeal, replace it with new oatmeal, and you need a clean glass

Is it the weekend yet?

*I do not know why B decided to shake me awake but it I bet it is because he missed me. I know I missed him.

**It was a beautiful Tiffany lamp in case you were wondering. It was also a hallucination/dream as we do not regularly keep Tiffany lamps on our bed.

The B Sides

You know how you get a CD and it has B sides on it? Usually they are previously unreleased songs. Many of them are little gems that just make the whole CD that much more worthy. Well, this post is kind of like that. I have been posting my pictures and stories and it turns out, B has been taking some pictures of his own. Here's his story - through pictures:

Yes, the last two are of Mooch. His new favorite spot is in front of the fireplace. Doesn't hurt that B likes to make a fire most every night. Mooch lays so close to it, we tend to rotate him so that he gets warm all the way around and not too hot on one side.  Every time we rotate him I laugh thinking that he is like a pig on a spit.  But we have no plans to eat him.  For the record, I don't think I could eat a pig on a spit either.

Holy Mammaries!

Today I had the lucky opportunity to get my first ever mammogram. And when I say "lucky" I mean "forced-on-me-by-some-evil-doctor-that-thinks-he-is-doing-good-and-doesn't-he-know-those-don't-start-until-your-40". Having heard how they like to take your breast and squash it until you can eat it with some blueberry syrup, I was less than thrilled. I went anyway.

Boys, you may want to stop reading here.

You've been warned.

I arrived at my destination with the mindset that I would completely forget everything I had ever heard about mammograms and act like I know nothing. A blank slate of sorts (kind of like Echo for those of you that watch Dollhouse. FYI - if you like Joss Whedon, watch Dollhouse). While waiting in line to check in, I noticed that they had a "take a number" setup for those getting blood work. As a line started to form behind me, a guy says "are you here for blood work?" Ha! "No," I respond, "I am here for the pancake breakfast." Okay, no I didn't say that, but I should have.*  Those lucky dogs got numbers and were in and out before they called my name.

When my name was called I followed the nurse to the imaging room that had been painted some obnoxious pink color. Okay, I know pink is the color for breast cancer and also for girls, but really? The last thing I want to think about when I am getting a mammogram is breast cancer and I am well aware that I am a girl. Not to mention that the pink I am referring to was like a Pepto Bismol pink but with orange in it. Can you imagine? You might not want to try. In fact, I thought I might need some Pepto Bismol to help my stomach from just being in the room. Obviously, I did not know the fun was just beginning.

After changing into a pink (of course!) patterned smock thing which "opens in the front please" on top of my polka dotted work skirt and knee high boots - ROWR (just imagine if those blood work guys could have seen me then), I filled out a form, ON PINK PAPER. Overkill much? The tech asked me if I had heard awful stories about mammograms. Wait! There are AWFUL stories? WHY WAS I HERE???? I nonchalantly acted like I had heard absolutely nothing until she said "we are going to use compression which means..." at which point I interrupted her to assure her that I knew exactly what compression meant. I did not need to hear what was going to happen.

So the machine? A silver tray where the tech not so gently plops one of your girls on top and then molds it around until it does her bidding. The compression? A piece of plastic. Seriously, like a tray. Maybe I could get a drink to go on that tray? I was nervous as heck, sweating bullets and they wouldn't even let me apply deodorant today. Side note: I currently have a stick of deodorant in my purse as I was not about to go an entire day without deodorant. That would be a crime.

Back to the machine. The compression? It REALLY compresses. I did not look because I didn't think that was something I wanted to see but it was very uncomfortable. In fact, the tech said "some women find this uncomfortable." Some women? Let me guess those that don't find it uncomfortable HAVE NEVER HAD IT DONE. Oh and it was twice per girl - once from the top and once from the side. SHE COMPRESSED ME FROM THE SIDE. I may never be the same again. My girls are crying. Well they don't have tear ducts, but they are quite sad. My left one especially. During the second phase I actually said to the tech:

"Huh....just when I thought you couldn't possibly compress anymore, you go ahead and surprise me."

She did not really find that amusing. You know what I didn't find amusing? Having to check to see if I still had nipples.**

* This joke is very timely considering IHOP was giving away free pancakes today. No pancakes for me though, just for the girls.

**I do. Don't worry.

Live Twittering of the Oscars...Kind of

As I did for the Golden Globes, I decided that once again I would join my fellow twitterers and tweet the Oscars live. That is until I got locked out. Angry would be putting it mildly. Enjoy the highlights of my observations on Oscar night!

Right off the start, a quote from an Oscar nominee:

"if you have a mind and a brain?" Aren't those the same thing? 

6:59 PM Feb 22nd from web

The weird football like play of fashion, complete with drawings on screen:

The football like drawings on her legs is kind of creepy 

7:00 PM Feb 22nd from web

Is that woman in the background with the sparkly dress GLARING at this woman? Girl I don't see you being nominated for an Oscar 

7:01 PM Feb 22nd from web

not preparing a speech is now considered "organic"? 

7:02 PM Feb 22nd from web

well that is kind of rude "I heard you wanted this REALLY badly. How badly did you want it?" Way to make him sound desperate Ryan

7:03 PM Feb 22nd from web

Ryan will provide me with plenty of fodder I can see 

7:03 PM Feb 22nd from web

Yes, Ryan - Leo and Kate only exist in the movie Titanic. Good lord 

7:04 PM Feb 22nd from web

maybe we can get another creepy shot of Heidi's leg 

7:04 PM Feb 22nd from web

I really like Heidi's hair even though it doesn't look like she did anything to it 

7:05 PM Feb 22nd from web

"Red from the live carpet right here...." good job Ryan

7:10 PM Feb 22nd from web

I think he is saying that even though SJP could do no wrong, she did some wrong. Well you are wrong 

7:11 PM Feb 22nd from web

Mickey Rourke tries to distract us from his face by his hair and outfits. Um, not working 

7:11 PM Feb 22nd from web

SJP look like a princess 

7:11 PM Feb 22nd from web

now THAT is a statement necklace Amy Adams. Love it 

7:12 PM Feb 22nd from web

"freeze that right there" - it is LIVE. oh boy

7:12 PM Feb 22nd from web

RDJ will not win for Tropic Thunder. And he was good. You cannot beat a ghost RDJ. Even if you are RDJ 

7:14 PM Feb 22nd from web

WTF? How pure is Amy Adams? Ryan is an asshole with these questions 

7:14 PM Feb 22nd from web

This isn't charades Ryan. Learn to ask a question and not put them on the spot. Amy Adams has done more than 2 movies 

7:15 PM Feb 22nd from web

RPatts hair is just wrong. It is in the in between stage and is just wrong 

7:16 PM Feb 22nd from web

Okay Matthew Broderick's hair is WAY crazier than Rpatts. What happened to this man? 

7:18 PM Feb 22nd from web

Ryan wishes Seth was fighting his way toward him 

7:19 PM Feb 22nd from web

apparently there is absolutely nothing else to discuss with Seth Rogan other than his weight loss? Movies anyone? 

7:20 PM Feb 22nd from web

way to know about the stars you are interviewing Ryan. Marisa has had 3 nominations and 1 win. Not just My cousin Vinnie 

7:26 PM Feb 22nd from web

Ryan is a star stalker. Really. 

7:27 PM Feb 22nd from web

that was an awkward shake your hand, do a gang sign, college frat boy maneuver with Mickey Rourke 

7:28 PM Feb 22nd from web

how is it ironic to have your dog die when you are nominated for an award? Explain 

7:28 PM Feb 22nd from web

I love Diane Lane. So gorgeous But I always think of her on the staircase in that movie Unfaithful 

7:30 PM Feb 22nd from web

For once I think Jessica Biel looks hot. Okay, maybe twice 

7:32 PM Feb 22nd from web

I wish Ron Howard had more hair. He still has such a baby face. Adorable 

7:33 PM Feb 22nd from web

Run Marion! Ryan might be a stalker 

7:34 PM Feb 22nd from web

I would have never recognized Peter Gabriel. I still love his songs though 

7:35 PM Feb 22nd from web

Ryan is lucky she is wearing a perfume. Otherwise he would just be creepy. Oh wait! He still is 

7:36 PM Feb 22nd from web

I wonder if Evan Rachel Wood is going to avoid Mickey lest the rumours of their wicked affair reignite 

7:37 PM Feb 22nd from web

Please stop screaming. Please - it is just Brad and Angie. They DON'T KNOW YOU! 

7:38 PM Feb 22nd from web

Ryan "tell me about your movie" which really means, I will interrupt you one second after you begin to talk 

7:43 PM Feb 22nd from web

What the heck is up with that hat Philip Seymour Hoffman? You look more than ridiculous! 

7:43 PM Feb 22nd from web

Marion thinks Ryan is an idiot. You are not alone Marion. 

7:44 PM Feb 22nd from web

quick poll - will Brad and Angelina 1 avoid Ryan, 2 be rude to Ryan, or be 3 be nice to Ryan. Hard to decide  [Note: #3 for Brad and #1 for Angie]

7:45 PM Feb 22nd from web

who was Angelina leading around just now? Certainly wasn't Brad for once

7:48 PM

stop with predictions. I want more dresses! 

7:54 PM Feb 22nd from web

What was that? Did Brad blow Ryan off and why was it not aired? 

7:58 PM Feb 22nd from web

RDJ cannot stand Ryan, can you tell? 

7:59 PM Feb 22nd from web

maybe ABC will do better with the red carpet. Hi HDTV I love you 

8:01 PM Feb 22nd from web

I cannot imagine calling Anthony Hopkins "tony" it doesn't seem to fit 

8:05 PM Feb 22nd from web

no brush off by Brad and Angelina on this channel. What does that tell you Ryan? 

8:06 PM

I didn't understand a word Valentino just said. I may have been sleeping 

8:10 PM Feb 22nd from web

Mickey just spit on his own lip. Kind of gross. Story about Loki? endearing 

8:12 PM Feb 22nd from web

Zac - slicked back hair. NOT GOOD. You look greasier than Mickey Rourke. Really. 

8:13 PM Feb 22nd from web

Miley has quite the deep voice. Opposite of her dress 

8:15 PM Feb 22nd from web

Sometimes Anne Hathaway is pretty, other times not so much. It is always puzzling to me 

8:16 PM Feb 22nd from web

I bet those briefcases are empty. Like half of the people I work with 

8:20 PM Feb 22nd from web

oh no. I do not like the bottom of Marisa's gown. No to pleats - just say NO! 

8:24 PM Feb 22nd from web

James Franco didn't look so happy giving that standing ovation

8:38 PM Feb 22nd from web

yes Mickey looks great. not at all creepy and disturbing 

8:40 PM Feb 22nd from web

perhaps open the curtains BEFORE the montage begins? 

8:41 PM Feb 22nd from web

I like these five past winners announcing nominees 

8:44 PM Feb 22nd from web

I get the feeling that if it is not about RDJ, RDJ is bored 

8:45 PM Feb 22nd from web

Goldie - your boobs need to be controlled. Really. You are not your daughter's age! 

8:46 PM Feb 22nd from web

I have no idea who will win best supporting actress 

8:47 PM Feb 22nd from web

WHAT? that does not seem right. Not right Penelope 

8:47 PM Feb 22nd from web

8:50 p.m. THE moment we have been waiting for Jen Aniston. Will she give angelina the stink eye? 

8:51 p.m. they don't even have pretty girls handing out Oscars. Is that part of the recession? 

8:59 p.m. slam against Scientology. Score 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

9:00 - got locked out of Twitter for updating too much WTF? Since when? It was the Scientologists I know it. they are behind everything and I happened to mention them in one of my tweets.

9:05 how will the world survive without my tweets? I am pissed and told B who laughed at me for 10 minutes straight

9:18 watching the Oscars and seeing others twitter about it makes me sad. So does the boring acceptance speech for Curious Case of Benjamin Button

9:19 so was Hugh Jackman just there for the beginning or what? I haven't seen him since he stopped dancing. Do you think he is somewhere recovering?

9:20 - the Duchess? I wasn't even aware any part of this movie was in the running for anything

9:21 And then it wins for best costume design. I guess all of my predictions were off

9:22 I fell asleep. Acceptance speeches bore me. Where is Jennifer Aniston/Jack Black when you need them? Or Tina Fey/Steve Martin? Anyone?

9:23 That dress makes SJP boobs look huge. I am obsessed with boobs. It is a problem.

9:24 Awww Heath :(

9:24 The Curious Case of Benjamin Button wins for makeup. As it should be. Fantastic job. Never saw the movie but the pics were fantastic.

9:25 By my calculations, I cannot tweet again until 10 pm or after. Still pissed about that

9:25 God Amanda Seyfried has gorgeous hair. RPatts not so much .But he works it.

9:28 Thank God for commercials. I have to pee

9:31 - oh hi Hugh Jackman, where have you been hiding for the past hour or so?

9:31 Ben Stiller - love the Joaquin impersonation. Is Joaquin in the house?

9:35 - dude you are about to give an acceptance speech. Brushing your hair and not curling it oddly to the sides would have been a good idea. You look like you have wings. WINGS

9:38 B's love just came on - Jessica Biel. I repeat, she looks good tonight.

9:40 vented to B about my lack of Twitter (still!) and Penelope winning best supporting actress "boobs always win, especially if they speak spanish." I have no idea what that means.

9:43 how long can the Franco/Rogan high train last before we all get sick of it? Oh, 6 months ago. That's right

9:45 I hope they don't parody their parody. That would be tragic. And not funny.

9:46 i think the only thing Seth knows how to say is "Judd Apatow" I have heard him say it at least three times tonight. He knows where his bread is buttered.

9:47 you would think that someone that goes to college ahem *James Franco* ahem would not intentionally mispronounce the name of a foreign film. Think again.

9:48 black bowtie on black shirt on black suit. Monochromatic to the extreme.

9:53 Another song and dance number with Hugh Jackman. I don't know if I can take it.

9:54 Now it involves Beyonce. It is official - I CANNOT TAKE IT. MAKE IT STOP.

9:55 Wait the Grease song is involved. Just like that, I am back in. Love you Beyonce.

9:55 Twitter lets me back in. Now I just want to ignore it. Bitter much?

9:56 now those High School Musical kids? I am back out. MAKE IT STOP

9:57 wait! Girl from Big Love. Back in

10:00 still mad at Twitter and not tweeting GRRR

10:03 wow that first guy is really short (presenting best supporting actor). And I dont think I know any of these actors. That is sad.

10:05 Okay, I know Cuba Gooding, Jr. Speaking of stroke of genius - having him cover RDJ's Tropical Thunder nomination

10:06 Okay, I know Christopher Walken too. And this guy speaking but not his name. Two out of five isnt that bad

10:08 Of course Heath won. as he should.

10:10 Heath's sister almost made me cry. So moving.

10:16 why is that guy that bolted to the stage wearing that crazy scarf?

10:22 Tom Cruise does commercials now. Is that what it has come to?

10:28 I am totally bored.

and that was the end of my twittering/blogging and watching the Oscars. I did not see Best Actress, Best Actor, or even Best Movie.  Doesn't matter. I predicted correctly - Kate Winslet, Sean Penn, Slumdog Millionaire.

Now where's my prize?

Won't You Be My Neighbor

As you may know from reading some of my past posts, we have not really been about our neighbors in the past. I think things are going to change now. For one, we have moved to Pleasantville. I am serious.  One day when the weather was better and B's parents left our house, I heard no less than four neighbors stop what they were doing, wave and say "HI!".  Unheard of in our world.  

Then, the week before we moved in, we were there dropping stuff off and met this woman from across the street and her little dog.  Her little dog not on a leash who decided to (a) trot across the street without looking, and (b) try to befriend/attack another dog about seven times its size.  This resulted in our new neighbor yelling at the dog repeatedly and chasing the dog around.  In between these antics, the neighbor told me the dog was a replacement dog for one that was lost "tragically."  Let me guess? It was hit by a car.   That neighbor promised to accost, I mean visit, us with a bottle of wine after we moved in.   Let's just say I don't think wine is needed with that one and may actually be quite scary.  Luckily we have had a lot of snow lately and I think she forgot we live here. Whew! Dodged a bullet there.

Then there is my favorite neighbor and B's best friend.  I refer to him as "guy that lives behind us and sits in his room all day with the crazy blinds." That really does sum him up in his entirety. Like B, he has a TV room in the back.  And although he has blinds, he never shuts them. And they hang all crooked which drives B absolutely crazy.  He sits there all day and night watching TV, raising his drink and drinking it, and that's about it. Really.  I pondered whether he lived alone...B insisted he must live with someone else. Why you ask?

Because he has a fluffy white cat.

Yes.  Apparently grown men cannot have fluffy white cats and live alone. They can, however, have one small grey less fluffy cat and live alone and be all manly. But white? That is pushing it.  Neither of us has seen this other home dweller and I happen to think the person doesn't exist. 

So I have a love/hate relationship with the Man That Lives Behind Us. I love that he is always there. Like our constant (any Lost fans out there?), but I hate when he turns and looks at me while I am looking at him. It is kind of freaky. And I feel guilty staring at him (and also intrigued at the same time), but we don't have blinds. He does! And he refuses to shut them.  So it is not my fault I am staring at him, right?  

Well, last night our powers of observation were put to the test.  Earlier in the night I asked B what that new light was. Turns out the Man That Lives Behind Us' back door was open and the light inside was on.  Unusual but not all that strange.  Fast forward to 12:30 a.m. when B comes upstairs:

B: Should I be concerned that the Man That Lives Behind Us' lights are still on and I haven't seen him for hours and his door is still open?

Me: His door is still open.

B: Yep.

We went downstairs and sure enough it was. B decided we should be good neighbors and he got dressed and decided to take a pretend walk around the block in case the guy died shoveling the snow.   Meanwhile I just stayed by the window spying in plain sight.   

And this is the part of the story where you expect there to be a huge finale right?

Dead body?

The fluffy white cat feasting on the body of the Man That Lives Behind Us?

Um, no.

B found nothing. We woke up today and everything was the same way we left it.  I declared if the Man That Lives Behind Us wasn't seen today, I would call the police to check it out.

No worries.  B informed me a few hours ago:

"I just saw the Man That Lives Behind Us...or the guy that killed him"*

Won't you be our neighbor?

*I later saw the guy myself and can confirm it was the Man That Lives Behind Us and not some deranged killer. I also saw the cat for the first time. It is quite fluffy and white.

 

Finally...A Living Room

I think the living room has gone through the biggest transformation and it still continues to change even though B thinks it is mostly done (which it is). But there is always something little and new to add.  To recap, here is the living room when we first got the house:

Remember that carpet? So ugly. That chair that is sneaking in on the right side of the picture is the one that is currently housed in my office.  We started pulling up the carpet:

To expose the hardwood floors beneath:

All set and ready to be sanded (I don't have a sanding picture):

And now, today, we have:

TA DA!

Gorgeous floors, some color in the room and furniture. What a difference, right? Ignore that ugly red construction light on the right. I needed it to give light for the photo.  Speaking of furniture, these couches were recently obtained from Craigslist which I now refer to as "our godsend."  Where else can you obtain decent items for awesome prices?  Just look:

Okay, maybe those pillows should go, but at least they match.  And do you see the shades behind?  No, I did not get those on Craigslist.  I am just so excited that we have something covering the windows facing the street.  Most of the windows have some form of window treatments on them now as you will see in a future post.  What else did we get from Craigslist you ask?  How about this iron fireplace set:

It is the real deal.  Heavy duty iron and we only paid $10.  That is a score.  Of course I had to go pick it up from some rich guy's house who lived at the top of a big hill in B's car which had a stick. Luckily I didn't roll backwards.  The guy suggested I turn around at the top of his driveway rather than reverse down. Reverse down! Ha!  I can barely reverse out of or straight driveway without a disaster occurring. That silly, silly man.

So there you have it, the living room. And you do know that it has already changed.  B is in the process of making a salt water tank. Not a lake, an ocean!  Pictures to follow upon completion.

Do You See What I See?

Could it be? Is that a new shower head in the TUB?? Will I be able to take showers like an adult? Showers that do not involve getting shampoo in my eye while I try to stand on one foot in a feeble attempt to shave my legs without falling out of the mini shower stall? It is like a dream come true.

I interrupt the regularly scheduled posts to bring you my sight from heaven:

[insert singing angels here]

Truly a sight to behold. I have not touched it or attempted to turn it on for fear that it is not real. B is at his job being employee of the month and all so I do not know the story behind this. All I know is that a plumber was coming today to look at it and now we have that beautiful shower head.  Oh, we also have this on the other side of the wall in the hallway:

That looks scary, but promising.  That means WORK WAS DONE.  Yay for work being done. Double yay for work being done in my shower.  Look! Further evidence. I think this is plumbing tools or parts or something. Oh the mystery!

Not only is this super exciting because I will finally be able to soap up without it being washed off at the same time, but we also had a little mishap in the mini shower. See for yourself:

Maybe you cannot tell in that picture. You better take a closer look:

See that? That is not a handle. That is a wrench. Yep, the stinking handle to the shower FELL OFF.  Just FELL OFF.  I really wasn't entirely surprised because I do remember the house inspector saying something like "Why look at this? They have this handle on with this little bitty pin."  Yep, I am kind of surprised it lasted this long.  As it broke off B said "maybe you should have showered first..." as if we were never going to shower again.  Luckily the wrench was found and all was well.

But now all will be GREAT!  No wrench, no squashed shower.  I feel so free. 

Look what else I came home to find:

That's the TV in my office mounted to my wall. It is like that B read my blog or something (to my knowledge he did not).  We still have to work on those wires, but it is fun and gives me a bit more room in the office.

Finally, on a completely unrelated note, thanks a lot cable guide for saying Lost was a repeat! Luckily I woke up from my "nap" at about 9:10 to the alert of a fellow Twitterer telling me it was not a repeat. Damn you Lost - wielding your insanity on the cable guide. 

IS NOTHING SACRED?

Okay.  That is all.

Carry on.

Picture This...The "Extra" Rooms

Now that you have seen my office and the bedroom, I thought perhaps you should see our other two "extra" rooms. Well, one is supposed to be B's office, but he still spends most of his time downstairs. His papers, however, are upstairs. So let's start there.  Remember the back blue room with the mini me lock:

It now looks like this:

Actually, that table is no longer in there.  B is operating totally on the floor, with papers everywhere.  I liken this room to a war room where all major events occur.  All of the house planning and tracking are done in here.  It also subs as a mystery room for the cats as we usually keep the door closed for energy efficiency.  And you can't see it in this picture but the mini me lock is still there.  Why would you ever want to get rid of something like that?

Next up, the starry blue room. I am sure you remember:

The floors in that room were already exposed similar to the dining room, but needed a little sanding and shine, as evidenced below:

Sanding and some beautiful sun through the window.  And now:

Pretty floors, a love seat, a hamper and a laundry basket. Yes, this is where I store my clothes. Not on my dresser.  The cats also love this mystery room as it is usually closed off. The couch just made it up there recently.

We* have not yet painted these two rooms as they are not used often so, thus, not as important.  They will probably be painted last. Hmmm....or maybe the kitchen.

Just for kicks, here is a picture of B's closet when he first started using it:

Get that boy some clothes!! Actually, it is full right now. Know what else is in it? His autographed hockey jersey that he got for being employee of the month! I guess he gets more than just our kudos after all.  

Tomorrow's picture post will be the living room. Be prepared for a real transformation.

*Just so we are absolutely clear and credit is given where due, when I say "we" I generally mean B. With the exception of the bathroom basement, B has painted every single room that I have shown you, and those that have not yet made it to the blog. He has also dealt with the disposal (more on that later), the shower head (more on that later), the electrical outlets (more on that later), hung all of the blinds/drapes (more on that later), mounted the TV to the wall, and numerous other tasks that I cannot even begin to remember right now.  B is the rock star here for realz.

Peanut Butter and Popcorn

On a completely different subject, let's talk peanut butter and popcorn. Not together, mind you. Although that could be yummy.  No this is about some recent events involving peanut butter and popcorn, separately.

Here's the thing - I eat the same thing for breakfast every single day.  No lie. Quaker Oatmeal Cinnamon Roll. That is it. No other flavor will do.  When I run out, not only am I sad, but I immediately decide that is justification for a toasted plain bagel loaded with cream cheese from Elaine's*.  Not good.  So I try not to run out of oatmeal.  However, since I am behind in everything including shopping, I ran out this weekend.   So Saturday I woke up and thought "no oatmeal - its bagel time!"  Then I decided I was too lazy to leave the house.  What to eat? 

After rummaging around in our tiny pantry I came up with peanut butter toast. YUM.  So I made some and ate it and all was well in my world.  Until about 20 minutes later when I got a stomach ache.  It was then that it hit me:

There is a peanut butter recall.

PEOPLE DIED.

Suddenly, I was convinced that my peanut butter was tainted and I was GOING TO DIE.  Panicked, I slightly remembered that perhaps big named peanut butter makers were not part of this. So I rushed downstairs to get the peanut butter to see what kind it was and rush back up to do some research into the matter.

45 minutes later I had totally forgotten my quest and instead was doing laundry when B came home.  He mentioned that I didn't look well which triggered thoughts about my stomach ache:

Me: Well I have a slight stomach ache. I think it is from the peanut butter I ate. Do you think I am GOING TO DIE?

B:  Well you are not 80.  

Me: What does that have to do with anything?

B: You are close, but you are not 80.**

Me: AND?????

B: And your immune system is not weakened.

Me: Not that we KNOW of.  Is it only elderly people and weak people dying?

B: I don't know.  Was it a new jar of peanut butter?

Me: No.  It wasn't. It was opened and used.

B:  It was opened? By someone in this house?

Me: Yeah. I think I ate some before.

B: Did you DIE before?

Me: No.....

B:  Peanut butter does not just go bad because it is peanut butter and there is a recall. If it is bad now, it would have been bad before.

Me: Huh

Crisis averted.

Me: Well I am relieved to hear that.

B: Me too. I am also relieved that popcorn didn't kill me.

Flash back a few days earlier, I was making popcorn when B asked me to throw some in the microwave for him.  I told him all I had was some sample pack.  He said throw it in anyway, and I did.  Later when I got it out for him it smelled AWFUL, just AWFUL:

Me: What is wrong with this popcorn?

B: What?

Me: Can't you smell that? It is like lemon or something.

B:  It does smell weird.

Me: Do you think it is bad.

B: I don't know.

Me: Well it is not NORMAL for your popcorn to smell like PLEDGE.

Despite my saying that, B ate it.  B did not die.

Turns out it was lime and salt popcorn.***

Mystery solved.

Crisis averted.

*I love you and miss you Elaine's. See you soon {wink}

**B loves to get his digs in about how much "older" I am. Two years buddy, two little years.  You are no spring chicken and I am no craddle robber.

***Do NOT buy this popcorn unless you plan on dusting with it.  B said it tasted "okay" but the smell was downright nauseating. That cannot be normal or healthy, even if it says it is organic.

And My Office is Born

Just like with the bedroom, Phishez also guessed my office correctly. I picked the green room.  I just loved the green color. And although B repainted the room, I chose another green color.  So now it will be my new relaxing office/TV room.  Unlike B's TV room, however, my TV is not yet mounted to the wall. B assures me that is coming.  Pictures will follow as this room evolves some more, but I am so behind with our picture progress, it is getting crazy. Things are changing every day around here, even if they are little changes.  So here goes.  

The original green room:

The original green room had a sandy gritty green paint. It mellowed the green and gave it a somewhat sponged look which I liked, but it needed to be repainted, the grit was a bit too much and I wasnt about to sponge, so this is the new color, pretty close:

And those floors looke nice right? (Aside from the dust).  See that desk? That is B's desk from when he was like 8.  In fact, when his parents came to visit the other day they remarked that B must really love me to allow me to even touch his desk. Apparently they were not allowed to go near it when he lived with them.  Well, he must REALLY love me because he is letting me use it permanently (well temporarily permanently? until I find something else).  During the transition stage, I found that I rather liked the desk in the middle of the room or off to the side. It works perfectly with B's desk because the hutch goes up the left and can rest against the wall. My desk had a huge hutch on the back and was generally larger.  B will be using my desk until we sort it all out. Not that he is in that office much. He is usually found in the downstairs TV room.

How nice does that desk look? I just need a more comfortable chair and I will be blogging to you more often and more relaxed.  Below is my view of the TV from my desk.  Also, you can see I am starting to unpack things, mainly books. Unpacking is a work in progress:

That ugly chair and ottoman? The previous owners left it behind. And even though it is all chewed up, I claimed it for my own because I like the lines. One day I hope to have it redone, but until then, I just need some slipcovers.  That chair is magical. At least that is what I told B when he came home from work and found me curled up asleep in it for the third night in a row (and before the ottoman made its way up there - can you say ouch?).   And, yes, I woke up saying "This chair is magical."  I say a bunch of crazy things when mostly asleep. B can attest to that.

One more view:

This room is far from being done. I ordered some roman shades. Well we bought one and had to special order one. That window above is 54 inches. There was ONE of those in the entire country from Bed Bath and Beyond. The entire country.  It was returned. I hope it is in good condition because it is on its way here. I also need a rug and some organization for the stuff that is currently sitting in boxes in the basement. I think it is coming along nicely and I wanted to show you what we have so far for this room.

Next up?  

Stay tuned.

The Evolution of Our Bedroom

Sometime last week I posed the question as to which room everyone thought we chose as our bedroom.  Phishez guessed correctly! In fact, she was the only one to guess but that is okay. We chose the crazy drape room as our bedroom quite by accident.  You see, when we went to move in, B and his friend discovered that the floors were still wet.  So the bed was the only piece of furniture that made it to the second floor before the discovery and it ended up in the crazy drape room.  We spent the night in there and then realized the room was quite large for our purposes and that we could even fit our dressers in there.  So the room went from looking like this:

To looking like this after the paint job:

And like this after the dressers were put in and pictures were hung:

Yes, we still have those ugly drapes. We will have them for a little while longer as I attempt to get curtains and/or shades for the rest of our many windows. Ugly they may be, but they keep out the cold and darken the room nicely. So they stay for now.

Now, if you will remember, B made up a "rule" about the bedroom and laundry baskets. Clearly that rule was made in order to keep the room looking neat.  To that end, I submit to you Exhibits A and B:

Exhibit A - my dresser:

Exhibit B - B's dresser:

Who needs rules??? That's what I thought.  I told B I planned on posting these shots to which he exclaimed "That's not fair! You had to time to clean your area up!"  No, it had been like that the whole time, with my keeping my laundry in the laundry basket and hamper.  He finally acknowledged that was its usual condition.  Meanwhile, his dresser still looks like this with an occasional cleaning.

Maybe I should institute a rule...

I've Got You Baby

The other day I was discussing the new house with a woman at the office. We were discussing mortgages, the renovations, and my commute when she suddenly says "and then you have the baby."

Wait. Stop. What?

I think I actually thought those words in my head.  What on earth was she talking about?

Me: We don't have a baby.

Her: I didn't think you did but I saw on your Facebook that you did.

I started racking my brain trying to think when I could have possibly said I had a baby on Facebook when I never had a baby.  Nope. Nothing.

Her:  Maybe it was someone else commenting on your Facebook.  They were talking about how the baby liked the house.

Me: Oh! That was probably my sister-in-law. She talks about her baby in the third person a lot.

Her: Yeah, that is probably right.

Her: I didn't think you had a baby, but then I thought you may have had one from before.

Wait. Stop. What?

From before? Before when?  I have been at this office for three years.  If I had a baby before it really wouldn't be a baby anymore, right? More like a child or something? Maybe I might have referenced it at least once in the three years I had been there?

I do not have a secret baby.

I do not have a secret child.

Apparently, however, I have a secret personal life because even those that I think know me well know nothing about me.

But I must say I am digging the phrase "and then you have the baby."  It sounds like one heck of an awesome excuse:

Boss:  I need those documents first thing in the morning.

Me:  Well I had plans to go to dinner and drinks.  And then I have the baby.

Boss: Good point.  Take an extra day!

or

B:  What are you doing today? I want you to help paint the kitchen.

Me: Well I had plans to watch Lifetime movies while lying half awake on the couch.  And then I have the baby.

B:  Good point. I will paint everything.

Think it will work?

Laying Down the Law

Upon arriving home last night, B rushed me into our bedroom so that I could see all the work he had done. On the way up there he informed me "there are some new rules" in reference to the bedroom. I love when B tries to institute new rules. While some of them make sense, some of them are just too cute like the "one shoe in, one shoe out" rule where if I buy a new pair of shoes, I have to get rid of a different pair. As if that is going to happen. Whenever B comes up with what I think is a harebrained rule, I just come up with a counter one that is equally harebrained and effects him like the "one watch in, one watch out rule." You don't mess with B's watches. Match. Point. Win. You don't play logic games with an attorney.

So, anyway, I headed upstairs eager to see the bedroom and to hear about this new "rule." B had painted our bedroom the night before and that day had apparently put everything back in the room including our dressers on the respective sides of the room. That sound crazy, perhaps, but it is strange to go to your dresser and have someone else's alarm clock on it. Maybe I am just strange.

Anyway, it looks good. Much better than what we started with and I even like the color of the walls - "porpoise" despite the fact I thought it should be green like a turtle (obviously confusing "tortoise" with "porpoise" much to B's amusement). After telling me all that he had done, B announced his new "rule":

B: [pointing] And THAT will not be in this room.

Me: What are you pointing at?

B: That! I am pointing at that hamper.

Me: You mean the LAUNDRY BASKET?

B: Yes.

Me: That is not a hamper. It is a laundry basket.

B: Whatever.

Me: Um, it is YOUR laundry basket.

Me: It had YOUR clothes in it.

B: Well, it doesn't anymore.

Me: Um, okay. But it is still YOUR laundry basket. Mine is in the other room with that other thing I call a hamper.

B: I am just saying, no laundry baskets in the room anymore.

Me: So, basically you just instituted a new rule about yourself?

B: Whatever.

Yep, way to lay down the law. To yourself. About yourself. Glad I could be there as a witness though.

I will help keep both of "you" in line.