The One Where I Am Mistaken for a Nurse...

We got free flu shots at the office the other day.  Such a great benefit until you stop and wonder - are they doing this to be kind or to insure that none of us get sick so that we are in the office every day?  Very slick, office people. Very slick.

So I head into the room where there is some assembly line action. Fill out form, rotate, sign paper, lift up sleeve, get jabbed.  The pharmacist for some unknown reason has about 5 smiley star pins on his lapel.  Who knows what those were for, however, it did make me wonder if he pulled out the "special" white coat for us? Was he getting dressed in the morning and thinking "I need the extra special professional look. Hmmm...I know! I will use the coat with all of the smiley star pins!"  Someone asked him for one of the pins, but he said he forgot to bring them. I think he forgot they were all stuck to his coat.

Anyhow, somehow I became the official hand-holder-calmer-downer person.  Like that official title?  I just happened to be sitting next to someone about to be poked when she grabbed my hand and asked me to hold hers.  So I did.  And, honestly, this guy was pretty good. That needle was in and out before you knew it and I swear you did not even feel a pinch. Maybe that is why he had so many stars.  So the other woman in the room had been petrified since she walked in. She told us numerous times that she is deathly scared of needles, can barely be in the room when her daughter gets shots and is terrified. I ask her why she is there. I mean really. You might just rather get the flu then go through such torture.  So I kindly ask her if she wants me to hold her hand since I am now proud of my new position and title.  She takes me up on the offer.  At the last minute, she decides she is strong enough to do it herself but informs us she doesn't want to know when the needle is going in.  I calmly talk her through it and she erroneously figures as to when she is being stabbed and makes a face which prompts me to say "You know that it is all done? The needle was out by the time you made that face."  She exclaims "wow, that was painless" and strolls out like it was never that big of a deal.  Smiley starred pin guy thanks me for my service, does not offer me a pin and so I am on my way.

I stroll back to my office wondering if I should just become a nurse and ponder what a little white hat would look like on me.*  Apparently, I was not the only one that thought I would look good in a nurse's hat, because the secretary outside my office asked me the following:

Her:  Dani, is a virus contagious?

Me: A virus?

Her: Yes, is it contagious?

{pause}

It is important to note that this is a woman with three grown kids whom I could only imagine have been sick at some point in their lives. Multiple times I am sure. Did she never learn WHY they were sick or HOW they got sick? Color me puzzled.

{resume}

Me:  Yes viruses are contagious. That is how you get sick.

Me: Are you worried because of that boy's rash?

Her: Yes.

{pause}

The day prior someone in our office brought her boy to work because he had a "weird" rash and could not go to school. So she brought him to our office.  Makes sense. She then went around showing everyone the rash. Some people touched it. I call them stupid.  I did not touch it but did look at it.  Some people declared it was ring worm. It was not ring worm.  It was a rash due to a virus he had. Hence this conversation I am having.

{resume}

Me: I don't think you have to worry.  He had a bacterial virus.

Her: [blank look]

Me: There are different types of viruses - airborne like cold, flu or bacterial, which I believe you can only get if you come into contact with the rash, skin, mucus, whatever.

Her: okayyyyyy

Me:  Why do you think you caught it?

Her: Well I am itchy.

Me: You are itchy because you are thinking of his rash just like you were itchy the other day because you saw a bug.

Her: You are right

Me: I know.

So there you have it. I am a nurse disguised as a legal professional. Who knew.  Who knows if anything I said made any kind of medical sense either, but it sure sounded good.

*I know nurses don't wear those hats anymore but I like the retro look, k?