A Bad Case of the Mondays

I know it is not Monday, but that doesn't mean I cannot talk about Monday. Or Mondays as in plural. As in bad Mondays I have had lately.  Two to be exact, although one was much harder on B than I.

The Monday before last was after Sunday.  Wow logic, right?  Well Sunday has now become Family Dinner Day in the Riddler household.   This involves my making up some concoction to throw in the crockpot because it is so easy while trying not to cut off any appendages in the process.  There are currently three in rotation (1) applesauce chicken, (2) candy chicken, and (3) slimy pot roast. Yep, this isn't going to become a cooking blog anytime soon.  Family Dinner Day culminates with B and I eating said dinner on the couch, in front of the TV while watching an episode of season 2 of Dexter.  Nothing like crockpot cooking and a serial killer to equate to quality family time.  The cats even get involved by trying to sniff around for leftovers as if they eat chicken or pot roast.  They are especially fond of the applesauce chicken it seems.

So the Sunday before last was quite hectic.  I was out with my mom actually shopping for what we were going to eat and running late.  Crockpot cooking is fun and easy but it requires time. Usually at least 4 hours.  And B? He prefers to eat his dinner before 8 pm.  So I wanted to get home and get the dinner cooking.  Well, that did not occur until 3.  Around 6:30 I decide dinner is done, however, the chicken was slightly pink so back in it went.  When we finally went to eat it B declared it to be "not pink" and all was good. Of course, he still proceeded to microwave his piping hot chicken to "make sure" it was done. Don't know if microwaves kill salmonella, but he seems to think they do. Dinner was good. Dexter killed some people. Cats begged.  All was well in our world.

And then Monday.  I come home from the office around 5. B announced that he was sick and had been vomiting since 4.  That's a lot of vomiting. Sure enough he ran back into the bathroom and proceeded to vomit every 15 minutes for the next 5 hours!! I thought for sure I killed him.  In my rush to cook dinner, I gave him salmonella.   Panicked, I instant messaged my Mom who told me that (a) he would have gotten it sooner than 24 hours after eating and (b) I ate the same thing and I was fine.  Relieved that I had not inadvertently poisoned my husband, I spent the rest of those 5 hours wondering if he was going to live and cursing that we did not have two bathrooms.  Seriously.  My poor bladder. I held it so long because I did not want to be in there when the 15 minutes was up and B needed the room.  Then I made the mistake of sleeping with him.  He was moaning and thrashing about.   Around 3 am, all was calm in the world.  2 hours and 40 minutes later, I arose for work and thanked the gods above it was Tuesday.  By 1 pm, I was nearly passing out from lack of sleep and headed home to find a nonpuking B to my relief. And although B proceeded to recover the next couple of days and could not really eat until Wednesday, it was not so bad as it was on Monday.

So, this Monday had to be better, right?  Well the pot roast on Sunday was fully cooked - no food poisoning for us.  B did not contract a violent stomach virus - score!  But, alas, something even more horrifying occurred...

I lost the keys to my office snack drawer.  

I cannot get to my snacks. At all.  Oh, also my dictaphone is in there but I am considering that less of a crisis.*  The thing is...I don't usually eat the snacks in that drawer.  In fact, I was going to do a blog post about the contents of the drawer because I seriously have no idea what is in there. I constantly throw things in there, never to be pulled out again.  After reading another blogger's list of things found in her office drawer, I figured that would be fun. And it would. If I knew what the heck was in there! Now I may never know.  At least it was nothing perishable. 

I think.

And Monday? Monday I REALLY needed some snacks.  I remember staring blindly at my key ring unable to comprehend that those two little keys were no longer there. Yes, there were two keys. Yes, I kept them on the same key ring. Yes, I am an idiot.  An idiot without snacks.  I resolved myself to the cheese balls in the office kitchen, which are quickly gaining more popularity than the cheezits, but it was not the same.   Everyone at work was put on high alert for my keys (although I really think they are at the grocery store from Sunday). Coworkers sent me links to videos and how-tos on how to pick a lock. I tried one that involved a binder clip and a paper clip.  I still don't have any snacks. We all know I cannot pick  a lock. At least this time, I didn't use a penny.  Defeated I went home and told B my woeful tale. B, with a look of total shock said:

"You didn't tell me you had snacks in your office drawer!"

As if I am withholding snacks form him or something.  Okay, I have been known to do this. In fact there are mint M&Ms hidden right now (although not in my office drawer thank God), but this is for his own good. This boy goes through sweets like you would not believe. I hide them until he is out and then unveil them to become the snack hero.  Although if I am not quick enough, the next time I go to bake cookies, I will notice I have a lot less baking chips.  I will then confront B who will say "I have a problem."

He and I both.  I think it is called Mondays.

*However, had my iPod been in there like it usually is during the week to protect it from thieves, that would have been a CODE RED CRISIS and a locksmith would have been called.  I live for iTUnes. Sad but true.