Cheese Should Not Pretend to Be a Bug and a Bug Should Not Pretend to Be a Wet Noodle

You know I have issues with bugs, right? At least you know I have issues with centipedes. Although, really, who doesn't? Are there any big centipede lovers out there? I didn't think so. I am pretty sure no one cried foul when the game Centipede came out. In fact, it was probably a smashing hit because everyone wants to blow those little buggers to bits.  But, I digress.

I lived on my own quite some time before I met B so I was forced to be the big bug killer, or ignorer, as the case may be. I thought I was tough.  Never did kill spiders though because I figured they would do their job and kill the rest of the bugs.  Hopefully I didn't swallow any of them in the process.

In any event, a while ago I think I slept with a centipede.  The thought of it makes my skin crawl this many months later.  I was all set for bed, glasses off, bed ready to jump in when I see a dark spot on the ceiling.  Mistake #1 - I go to check it out. Mistake #2 - I get REALLY close because I cannot see well without the glasses. It was a frickin' centipede. I ran out of our bedroom screaming like a girl imitating a girl screaming.  B was convinced that he needed to kill it, but it couldn't be found. I had no choice but to go to bed with pillows covering my ears, my mouth sealed shut and praying that it didn't like nostrils.

Shudder.

So now that I am spoiled with a boy, a dog and three killer cats, bugs freak me the hell out.  I don't want to kill them. I want to run screaming and have someone else step in. This doesn't always work out for me, but a lot of times it does.  And, sometimes, like yesterday, there is not even a bug involved.  I was going downstairs with a mostly empty bowl of pasta and went to turn off the light when I felt something graze my skin:

Me: AHHHHHHHHHH

B: WHAT?

Me: Never mind. It was a piece of cheese.

Me; I thought it was a bug.

B: OH. MY. GOD.  You are insane.

B: Did you think the cats were going to run up here and save you?

With no cats in sight, apparently not.

Fast forward to this morning. Jersey and I came in from outside and I saw Brad eating something in the dining room. I picked it up, looking like a small wet macaroni noodle and was carrying it to the kitchen garbage, saying along the way:

Me: You eat the strangest things Brad.

Me: Where do you find noodles?

And then I poked it. And then it turned over. And then it was a very wet, but very alive BUG IN MY HAND THAT LOOKED LIKE A CENTIPEDE BUT WASN'T.

The only appropriate response was:

Me: AHHHHHHHHHH

And I screamed. And I jumped. And Jersey came over to help me but she didn't know what the problem was. Then she thought it was playtime. Then I couldn't find the bug. Brad was still in the dining room staring intently at the floor where the bug used to be hoping it would materialize.  And I kept shaking my hand while looking for the bug because I COULD STILL FEEL IT.  Finally, I found it and threw it in the trash still alive.

I hope it isn't creating an army in there.

Crime Watch Wednesday - I Can Stroke You But You Can't Stroke Me

This week's Crime Watch Wednesday is a very special edition from my Mom's hood and highlights the unintended consequences of compliments.

A woman reported being assaulted by a bar manager right before closing time. She was stroking his beard and "complimenting" him when he grabbed her breasts and told her they were "nice, too." She slapped him. He slapped her. No one got lucky that night.

What has dating come to these days? A nice gentlemen tries to pay a classy woman a compliment and he gets charged with assault. The nerve! In other news, perhaps it is not the wisest course of action to stroke a man's beard in a bar at 2:00 a.m. when he is probably drunk, you are totally drunk, and wise decisions cannot be made.

Can you imagine the police report on this incident?

We arrived at the local watering hole shortly after closing time on reports of lewd behavior.  Upon entering the bar, we found a man with a scraggly looking beard, like it hadn't been washed in days, and a 50 year old woman in a too low cut top with a large beer stain on it.  When asked for her version of events, the woman stated "I love a man in a beard and told him so. He then tried to feel me up. The nerve!"  The man, when it was his turn, stated "Yo, this woman I wouldn't think about twice was bending over the bar, showing me the goods, stroking my beard and paying me a compliment. So I paid her one back. What's the big deal?"  He may have called her Sugar Tits too.*

In all seriousness, ladies, do not put yourself in a position where you are alone in a bar after it closes.  If you do find yourself in that position, do not stroke anything on a man lest you be stroked in return.  And that is my public service announcment for the week.

*Special shout out to Mel!  Just don't shout back, okay?

The Cast of Characters May Change, But I Remain Insane

Have I ever told you how crazy the people in my office building are? Not the people I work with, although they have their days, but the people in the other office suites, in the lobby and in the parking lot?  It is enough to make me appear like this on any given day:

Here are some of the characters I deal with:

The Child Walking Around in an Adult Body While Waiting for the Elevator:

Man: Is that an attorney's office?
Me: Yes.
Man: Are you an attorney?
Me: Yes.
Man: Is HE an attorney?
Me: Yes.
Man: Is SHE an attorney?
Me: Yes.
Man: Did you go to law school?
Me: AHHHHHHHHH

The Mr. Obvious Stalker:

Man: Do the elevators typically take this long?
Me: Yes, when one is broken.
Man: One is broken?
Me: Yes. [pointing to Out of Order sign]
Man: So one is not working?
Me: AHHHHHHHHH

The Village Idiot Posing as a Salesman:

Man: I am looking for Danielle's office.
Me: I am Danielle.
Man: No.
Me: What?
Man: She is taller than you.
Me: I am sitting down?
Man: She has your hair.
Me: Does she have my glasses?
Man: Yes.
Me: I am her.
Man: No.
Me: AHHHHHHHHH

The Woman Who Should Have Had a Door Slam in Her Face:

Me: [opening door for lady with VERY full arms]
Lady: I don't need you to open the door.
Lady: I am not going that way.
[and then she followed me through the door]
Me: AHHHHHHHHH

This all happened in the span of one hour on one day.

I wish I were kidding.

Sundays are for Chardonnays and Tears, Sexism and Cheers (And Yes I Know It Is Monday)

B and I decided to have a nice quiet Sunday dinner at a local bar and grille.  Some of the  patrons had other plans like the couple next to us but at the bar who were drinking it up.  Roughly about the time we ordered our food, three small boys sizes large, medium and small (but not baby size) came bouncing in and went up to the couple demanding money and attention.  The "dad" suggested they go play from wherever they came.  The "mom"* suggested they go play at someone else's house.  The oldest a/k/a large size kid decided they were going to "go outside."  Mind you, outside was the street, but off they went.

Me: Run along kiddies, mommy and daddy need to get their drink on.

B: No kidding.

After my deceivingly super spicy sausage pasta came, I noticed while sucking down iced tea that one half of the couple was crying.**  Crying. In a bar. While drinking.  Biggest cliche ever.

Me: So if we are ever out in the future and I start crying into my Chardonnay, please just take me home.

B: I can only imagine how weepy you will be when you hit menopause.

Me: Ha! Weepy my ass! I am going to be BITCHY!

Me: Remember, you promised to love me.

Me: Sucka!

Do you know that women cried THREE more times? Do you know we were only there 20 minutes longer.  I kept saying things like "this is ridiculous!" and "COME ON!".  She may have heard me. Maybe I made her cry the second time?

We had to leave when I heard the other half of the couple say:

"You have all of that money and you are just sitting here in a bar crying."

EXACTLY dude! She is crying in a BAR! 

Wait! 

What was this about all of this money?

"No one with all of that money should be crying. Hell, if I had all of that money, I would sock half of it away."

Rich and crying publicly in a bar? Too much.  As I disgustedly stalked out of there, I heard her mumble something about "all the therapy I will need" and about her son not being a good baseball player. You mean the one in the street? Hell, he may not even be alive.

My Sunday was rejuvenated later that night with all of the excellent Sunday night programming!  As B said, there just isn't enough time to watch it all - True Blood, Hung, and Mad Men!

Now I know none of you are watching Hung, but what about Mad Men? Some of you must be watching. Well, exciting news peeps! I am now reviewing Mad Men for Daemon's TV too!  So read my review here.  And the review of this week's episode of Hung here.  I plan on making a page up at the top strictly for my reviews hopefully this week.  Stay tuned.

And, please, for the love of all things holy, try to keep your crying private especially when in public.

Three cheers for private tears!

*I am not convinced these two were married and I only heard the kids call the guy dad.


**I will give you one guess as to which one of the couple was crying,

Is It Ever Appropriate to Yell Fore While on the Bathroom Floor?

Last week I was supposed to attend a golf outing with some associates. I was totally looking forward to showing off my super bad golfing skills.  You know, from that one time I golfed. Two years ago. Hey, at least I could hit the ball.  I did much better than even B expected. Although he wasn't there to witness it. So wise.

In any event, despite borrowing some ladies' golf clubs (not using the way too big for me golf clubs of yesteryear) and planning out my outfit (I am a dork), I was ready to go.  Then, without any warning, a hurricane of sickness blew in and quite literally swept me off my feet.  Despite all of the medications I inhaled that morning, I just couldn't do it. One symptom would ease and another would begin. The thought of golfing while ill in 90 degree weather made me, well, ill.  So I bailed.  And I felt bad.

Wise decision.

How do I know this?  Well, because after arriving home from work, B found me sleeping on the bathroom floor.  Maybe with my head by the toilet. I don't know. All I know is I found it cool and relaxing and it made me feel less sick.  It also made B remark:

"Hey there party girl! When's the last time you found yourself in such a position?"

Probably when my appendix was acting up, actually. 

Oh, but the fun didn't stop there.  When we were getting ready to go to sleep that night (my third time sleeping that day), B made sure to ask me if I was going to sleep in our bed or in Jersey's bed (the bathroom floor).

Such a sympathetic hubby I have.

I Got Into a Fight With a Ram Once

Family meals are much more than heartwarming times with those you love. In our family, it is also fodder for stories, and those stories are fodder for my blog. I mean where else would you find someone who would just casually say "I got into a fight with a ram once" and have it followed by an actual story?  That would be my brother. 

This is his story.

I got into a fight with a ram once.  I went into his pen, then when I wasn't looking and had my back to him, he tried ramming me in the ass with his horns. So I just kept pushing his head back. Whenever I would let go of his head though, he would back up to charge me. Eventually I just got tired and jumped over the fence. The end.

So many questions:

1. Why were you in a pen with a ram?
2. Why did you turn your back to him?
3. What could be so important to make you leave an animal with horns facing your ass?
4. If you could just jump the fence to get free, why did you stay and try to push the ram back?
5. How long did the fight last?
6. Who really won?

Maybe my brother will be kind enough to answer these questions. Or maybe the mystery is what makes this story so intriguing.

*After I said I was going to put this on my blog, my brother declared that he and my father had just discussed how you cannot say anything around me anymore.  I then challenged them to tell me the last time I put anything they said on my blog.  They then made puppy eyes and indicated that they were devastated that I never talked about them.**

** Oh, but I do.

Even Mortal Enemies Can Find Common Ground. Kind of.

Chester and Jersey are mortal enemies.  Not just because they are cat and dog, but because that is how Chester staged their relationship. Unlike Mooch who just ignored her, or Brad who actively sought to play with her, Chester decided that Jersey was a threat and he was going to quash that threat immediately.  So he greeted her with a swift paw to the head and the stage was set.

Jersey is still scared of Chester despite the fact that she outweighs him by at least double.  If he lunges at her, she runs.  If he swipes at her she whimpers.  Although she is getting a bit braver in her attempts to chase him when he isn't looking, she still knows who is boss.

Usually they are nowhere near each other, but occasionally you will find them nearby with Chester keeping a watchful eye on Jersey.

They just happened to be on the same chair in my office above. I am not even sure Chester realized it at that moment. They pretend to ignore each other (or watch TV- I guess Jersey rules the remote):

You can see, though, that Chester has his paw ready to swipe.  And then he looks at Jersey like "how DARE she":

Meanwhile, Jersey doesn't seem to even notice but just goes right to sleep:

She also takes some time out to ham it up for the photographer:

How could Chester swipe at that face?

New Review of This Week's Episode of Pretty Little Liars

Check out my new review here.  And if you are watching this show, leave a comment here or at Daemon's.  Too many shocking things happened last night that I must discuss!

Crime Watch Wednesday - Special Mom Edition - You Play Cards, I'll Get the Cat

This week's Crime Watch Wednesday comes from my Mom's hood. This story shows that you can never really trust anyone, especially stangers that you invite to your house to play cards.

A woman reported that her very valuable and ugly hairless sphinx cat was stolen after she had friends over to play cards. She suspects the one person that she didn't really know but met through a mutual friend. Througout the night the man commented on how valuable her hairless furball was. Later when she and another group of friends were in another room, the man and the sphinx both went missing. She then called him but he denied taking the cat.

Well, this is a real stumper.  Does anyone else see this as a very special episode of Law & Order?  I mean, what could have happened.  We know the following:

1. The woman had people at her house.
2. One of these people were not like the others.
3. Stranger danger.
4. Said stranger liked her cat.
5. A lot.
6. Her cat was an extra special very expensive ugly as hell cat.
7. Said stranger somehow knew this.
8. Said stranger kept remarking about the value of ugly cat.
9. Woman leaves stranger alone with cat.
10. Cat goes missing.
11. Stranger goes missing.

I wonder what could have happened? Also, does anyone else wonder how she had the stranger's phone number?  Such a mystery. Of course he denied taking the cat. Why would he admit it? Those criminals! Such liars. 

One final thought - Do you think that if the police went to the stranger's house they would find a hairless cat in a wig and the stranger standing their shrugging like "What? That's not the same cat!"

Just a Rapper that Doesn't Rap But Boy Does He Know How to Sell

There are always a cast of characters outside the main courthouse. Usually it is homeless guys, but occasionally there are people that are trying to sell you something.  Typically that "something" turns out to be their homemade music CD.  I cannot even imagine what such things sound like.  So far I have been able to contain any impulse buying.  However, I recently met up with quite the salesman.

After crossing the street, I see this guy do a little dance that ends in a flourish and with his one arm out holding a CD.  You know I am a sucker for some street dancing.  So I laughed:

Me: Well, I like your presentation.

Him: Oh, baby I like  YOUR presentation.*

Me: Thank you, I am not interested in your CD.

Him: Are you sure? It has some good rapping.

Me: No thanks.

Him: But they call me the "Nerd Rapper."

Me: Wait! Are you calling me a nerd?

Him: Yes.

Me: Huh. Well I don't like rap.

Him: Me neither. That is why I only rap about important stuff like politics.

Me: I don't much like politics.

Him: Me neither. That's why this is about ufology which is about how aliens are invading our religion.

Me: I don't really believe in aliens.

Him: Me neither. That is why this rap is about education.

Me: You have a comeback for everything, don't you?

Him: Yeah, baby.

I have to give him props for trying and for making me laugh after a very difficult morning in court.

No, I did not buy the rap-that-isn't-rap-but-about-politics-or-aliens-or-education CD.  Probably my loss.

And for no other reason than I mentioned the word "rap" enjoy this funny commerical I only recently saw courtesy of Katelin:

*Yes that was said in a totally "I'm gonna sex you up" way.

TV Review: Hung "Tucson is the Gateway to the D" a/k/a "This is Not Sexy"

My review from last night's episode of Hung is up at Daemon's TV. Check it out!  Did you watch it? If so, come join commenter Natalie and I as we discuss it.

If you didn't watch it, what are you waiting for?

I Cannot Operate This Phone. It Is Too Modern.

The other day, B wanted to go to a certain Mexican restaurant which is our favorite nearby. I thought I had a coupon for it which is an even bigger score! And I did.  The only problem was the "other day" was actually the fourth of July. We are so anti-American.  So B put me in charge of calling the place to see if they were open.  I soon found, however, that the last four digits of their number was TACO. Brilliant.  Not so brilliant was the fact that they did not give the number/letter translation in their ad like most places do.

After studying my Blackberry for WAY too long, I realized I could never figure out how to call this place. When B got out of the shower, I discussed this with him:

Me: I found a coupon for the Mexican place.

B: Good. Are they open?

Me: I don't know. I cannot call. My phone is too modern.

B: What are you talking about?

Me: My numbers don't have letters and their letters don't have numbers!

B: Um. WHAT?

Me: I don't know what TACO is in numbers.

B: I don't know what the hell you are talking about. Are we eating or what?

Turns out, peeps, you can Google ANYTHING. And thanks to Wikipedia, I was able to translate TACO into numbers to call the restaurant. Don't ask me what the translation was as I have already forgotten. I have more important things on my mind like singing "Double rainbow, double rainbow, What does it MEAN?"  Have you seen that video yet? If not, watch below:

That guy is WAY too excited about that rainbow.  Of course he isn't on drugs, just very emotional and in tune with the earth.  Now check out this auto tune song:

I dare you not to sing that all day.

Suckas!

Sunday Sweets: Jersey Girl in the Beginning

I was backing up some old photos and noticed there were ones of Jersey when we first got her that I don't think I have ever shared with you.  Whenever I see pictures of Jersey as a pup, they tear at my heart. She was SO little!

This was B playing with her in the yard. You can barely see her!

Look at her trying to attack Brad who is almost the same size as her:

Just a bit bigger than Chester as they keep a watchful eye on each other. They still do that today:

Chewing up our shoes. Luckily that doesn't really happen much today.  You can barely see her with my boots there!

Remember how she recently stuffed herself into that pet bed? Look how big it looks here!  This was a day-we-got-her picture. I know this because she is still wearing the holiday bandana that she had on when they brought her over. Shortly after that, she chewed it off.  

Smaller than a gym bag:

But cutest thing ever!!

What's That Spammer? You Want to Give Me Money as a Woman of the Day? Thanks! Wait. What?

I recently received the following spam email. At my work email address, no less. I must say that this is one of the funniest I have received in a while. I should also let you know that the subject was "Dear In-Christ." Of course, that is what caught my eye. Of course, I have absolutely no idea what that means. Since when has that ever stopped me?

For your viewing and deciphering pleasure:

Dear Sir/Madam,

My name is Mrs Doris C. E, am 75yrs old of age, i stay in new york city, USA.I am a good merchant, I have several industrial companies and good share in various banks in the world.I spend all my life on investment and coporate business. all the way ilost my husband and two beautiful kids in fatal accident that occur in november 5th 2003.

I am a very greedy woman with all cost i dont know much and care about people, since when I have an experience of my it difficult to sleep and give rest. later in the year 2006 febuary i was sent a letter of medical check up, as my personal doctor testify that i have a lung cancer, which can easily take off my life soon. I found it uneasy to survive myself, because a lot of my investment cannot be run and manage by me again.I quickly call up a pastor/prophet to give me positive thinking on this solution, as my adviser. He minister to me to share my properties ,wealth, to motherless baby/orphanage homes/people that need money for survivor both student that need money/ business woman and man for their investment and for future rising.

So therfore i am writing this letter to people who are really need help from me both student in college, to contact me urgently. so that i can make available preparation on that.especially women of the day, who are divorcedby their husband, why they cannot survive the mist of feeding theirself.

please contact me and stop weeping. probably let me now what you really need the money for, and if you can still help me to distribute money to nearest orhanages homes near your town.now am so much with God, am now born again.May the lord bless you, as you reach me,please to remind you,dont belongs to scammers or any act of fraudlent on internet. I will give more information to you as i await your response immediately to this email address.

I have removed her name and email address for fear that you would be persuaded by this finely written and moving request to accept one billion dollars. I don't know about you, but when I hear about a very greedy woman who tragically lost her family that she didn't care about and then was told she was dying and didn't have much time FOUR YEARS ago and now wants to give me her fortune because I may be a (1) a motherless baby, (2) orphanage home, (3) people that need money for survivor, (4) both student that need money, and (5) business woman for my future rising, I must take advantage of such offer. It also doesn't hurt that I am a (1) woman of the day, (2) divorced by my husband, (3) that cannot survive in the mist of feeding myself. It is almost like she knows me!

So, tell me...how exactly can one be a motherless baby? Even if your mother isn't around, she still exists, unless she was killed in a car accident in 2003 and then that is just tragic. However, I doubt a baby can type. If it can, it don't need your damn money lady. It is also awfully nice of her to offer money to the producers of Survivor (although they don't need it), the two students that need money and the business woman who apparently is dead, but will rise again? Maybe that is what she meant with the subject of "in-christ."

Well, that is all. I cannot go on with this post any longer as I am waiting for The Mist (great movie) so I can survive and feed myself. Maybe then I can stop weeping.

I am awfully hungry right now.

*Spell check had a field day with that letter. I left it as I received it. For autenticity reasons, of course. The humor was just a bonus.

Pretty Little Liars Review Up and Ready for Reading!

This is it! My first review since becoming an official member of Daemon's TV. So, go check out my review of this week's episode of Pretty Little Liars. It's a good one.

Are you watching yet? You should. Tuesdays at 8:00 p.m. on ABCFamily. Don't let the teenage plot fool you, it is a good show that keeps gaining momentum with each episode.

Crime Watch Wednesday: Where There's Smoke...There's an Air Gun...and a Pipe...and...

This week's crime watch chronicles bring us the cautionary tale of being on your best behavior while driving around doing illegal things:

Two 16 year old boys were stopped for throwing smoke bombs out of a vehicle in full view of police. The officer smelled another kind of smoke in the vehicle and the boys were booked for possession of marijuana, drug paraphernalia, and a Airsoft gun.*

Only the youth. Really. If you are going to drive around smoking pot, carrying a pipe AND possessing marijuana cigarettes** as well as have an air gun in your possession, it is probably best NOT to send smoke signals to the cops to come get you.

Really.

*I don't even know what an Airsoft gun is but it doesn't sound very dangerous, does it?

**Who the hell calls them "marijuana cigarettes"?  JOINTS! They had JOINTS!

***Also who needs a pipe if they are rolling cigarettes? I am SO confused!

The Back Bedroom Reveal...Well, Kinda, Since it is Not Really Done But Better Than Before?

Remember when I told you ages ago that I was going to reveal our back bedroom and what we had done with it and what we planned to do with it? Stretch your memory, folks. It was a while ago. So far, in fact, that I cannot even take the time this morning to go find the link.

But today, all will be revealed. Well, all that has been done at least. If B were here this morning instead of at work, he would be shouting "FINALLY!", so just pretend you hear that being shouted in the background as you read this.

The back bedroom, if you will recall, was bright blue with white stars painted on it and red shelves. Very patriotic. Perfect for Memorial Day and Fourth of July. However, since we plan to use the room more than twice a year, we decided an overhaul was in order.

So after careful thought, but unfortunately, no poll, we picked a color and B started painting:

Actually, it started looking even more patriotic after he started painting.

There is B...painting. Isn't he always painting when he ends up in photos?

Yes, sometimes I would have to iron in the midst of the painting. Luckily no clothing ended up with paint on it. This time.

When it was all finished, a beautiful room emerged:

That's a little dark.

I just love this color.

It looks kind of orange here, but it is not the same color of our dining room. This is a much darker red kind of color.

Like this.

So what are our plans for this room?

A walk-in closet!!

I am so excited! We have seen a few of these in different houses we have been in and although each bedroom has a closet, it is really not enough to hold our clothes. Well, mostly my clothes. Exhibit A:

All of my clothes aren't even in there! Some are in the boxes you see in the room. Some are in my dresser where I forget about them. I always wanted a big closet. That I can fill with beautiful things.

When is this going to happen?

It is last on the list. Just kidding. Remember when everything was the last thing on the list? Well, this won't be, but it might be a while.

I will keep you posted.

It is Like that Movie Mean Girls Except No One Knows What the Hell I Am Talking About!

The other day I was at a fundraiser with people from work. I looked over and gasped* when I saw a guy that looked like the principal** in Mean Girls. Here, I have a clip below - fast forward to 3:17, unless you really love Mean Girls and want to watch all of the scenes like I do. Word of warning, there is loud music involved with this video for some unknown reason so mute on your speakers would be a good idea.

Principal:

Anyway, back to the fundraiser. Enter the principal guy, but quite a bit taller. Enter my huge gasp. Then enter a big fat FAIL when no one there had ever seen Mean Girls!

Are you kidding me?

One of the greatest movies, in my opinion, and definitely one of the greatest movies Lindsay Lohan has ever been in (and probably ever will be).

I just wanted to scream "BOO! Whore."*** But what was the point? They never saw the movie.

That made me sad. I even found the youngest person there and he hadn't seen it. Yes, he was a guy. But B has seen Mean Girls.

Hasn't everyone? Please tell me that my office is some kind of anomaly and that everyone else on Earth has seen this movie at least once (or 500 times like myself)?

I refuse to believe otherwise.

*I gasp a lot. Seriously. B loves it. He really loves it when he makes me gasp. And I mean that in a totally non-sexual way. Pervs!

**Then they kept asking me what his name is - I don't know! (It is Tim Meadows). Then they would ask what other movies he was in - a lot! I don't know their names! (turns out not that many, but a lot of TV show appearances).

**What's your favorite line from Mean Girls? I want a bunch of Mean Girls comment quotes!!

Exciting Holiday News That Has Nothing to Do With the Holiday But Everything to Do About Me

Remember all of the special breakthrough posts the last couple of weeks where I would direct you to Daemon's TV for a special guest blog I wrote about a particular TV show? Well, that was actually a trial period where Daemon's decided if they liked my writing style and I decided if I liked writing the reviews. The trial period is up.

I am in!

I am now an official member of Daemon's TV. My bio is up here. I will continue reviewing Pretty Little Liars (on ABC Family on Tuesdays at 8pm), Hung (on HBO on Sundays at 10:00), and will also pick up Mad Men on AMC when the new season starts this month and a new show called Melissa & Joey (starring Melissa Joan Hart and Joey "WHOA" Lawrence) when it premieres next month.

I am very excited about this opportunity and cannot thank Daemon's TV enough. Also, thank you to all that read my reviews and gave me feedback. Please keep reading. And if there is an awesome show that you have been watching, I urge you to read the reviews on Daemon's and comment. They also have great contests.

Posting will still continue here in the regularly scheduled random way it always has about the totally insane things that float through my brain or that cross my path.

In other words, business as usual here folks.

Happy Fourth!

I Can't Help That I Love My Husband More Than Joggers

Remember when I told you about that jogger wearing an iPod and how stupid she was when she almost ran in front of our car because she couldn't hear it? Well you know who heard me? Karma. So I almost hit a jogger without an iPod because I didn't see him despite the fact that my eyes were open and I was looking right at him.

My Mom had come over to visit and to see all that we had done around the house. She also came over to go to this HUGE neighborhood yard sale which turned out to be a HUGE fail. It also turned out to be one of the hottest days this year. Naturally.

So I decided to drive Mom around town and show her my local haunts. Kind of like this:

"And here is where the new Kroger will be, in that hole. That should be done in about 9 more months."

"That is our favorite Thai place"

"There's Starbucks"

"There's my bank...and there's MY HUSBAND."

"HI B!!!"

It was right about then that I started honking the horn and waving frantically as if I had never seen B before in my life. While that is happening, I am also turning into the parking lot to get to Starbucks. That is right about the time I look in my rear view mirror and see a jogger grimacing at me as he unwraps his body around the backside of my car.

And they say texting kills people. Apparently it is waving. Waving kills people. Write that down.

B drives over and I ask him if he saw that I almost hit that jogger. Yes, he did. Apparently he thought I was beeping at the jogger. Great. Poor jogger probably thought that too. Although, that does seem to imply that I actually SAW the jogger.

I will take that as a win.