Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Crime Watch Wednesday: Some Like It Hot

This week's crime watch chronicles highlights our town's finest performing their duties for this town's dumbest:

Police were called for a possible LOS. (That's Left On Stove for all of you non-policemen out there). A woman on her way home from the bar called to say she thought she might have left the stove on and wanted the police to check it out. Despite the insanity of her request and despite the fact that HOURS had passed since she left the stove on, the police responded to the call. An officer was dispatched to the home. Upon an inspection through a window, and having seen (a) the house still standing, and (b) no smoke or flames, the officer CALLED the lady back and gave her the update.

You see, I don't believe this was part of the "Getting to Know Your Neighborhood" package we received when we first moved in. How was I supposed to know that you could contact the police to check to see if you left your stove on? Or that the police would kindly call you back while you are on your way back from the bar so you wouldn't have to fret and could concentrate on attempting to drive sober although you are really wasted. The police better hope we do not have a large closed head/traumatic brain injury population or they will never have a moment's peace. They are known for leaving stoves on left and right.*

Speaking of which, I could have used their assistance on more than one occasion recently, the police that is. If you will recall, the stove that came with our house is from 1952 - the Ropermatic. It is a gas stove with a gas leak. We only just recently replaced it. Safety first, people! Or, in our case, like fourteenth. Anyway, before replacing it, there was quite the procedure to ensure we were not being infused with noxious gas on a regular basis. First, the gas had to be turned off after every use. The routine would be turn gas on, light the burner (Yes you had to manually light it! Hello - it is 1952 in our kitchen! You also had to wear an apron and heels. B looked so cute). When you were done you were supposed to turn the gas off first so that you could see all the flame went out before you turned off the burner, thus making sure no extra gas escaped. Sound easy? Maybe it was, but really not the point. There has been more than one occasion in which I did not comply with said rules.

One day B came home and asked me to come downstairs. I was super excited thinking he had brought me a present. For being wonderful, you know.

B: Come down here.
Me: YAY! Presents {insert clapping}
B: What? Just come down here.
Me: Well, I don't like the tone your voice has taken.

Upon arriving downstairs:

B: Notice anything unusual around here?
Me: {looking around} Well, I don't see any presents, that's for sure!
B: Why would there be presents?
Me: The real question is why AREN'T there presents?
B: DO YOU SEE ANYTHING UNUSUAL AROUND HERE?????
Me: no.
B: Really? NOTHING?
Me: um, NO.

Apparently I was completely oblivious to the burner that was STILL BURNING on the stove. Flames and everything.** I told B it had only been on for 5 minutes, but really it was 15. I am sure B thinks it was 30.

Do you think the police would come if I called them from upstairs to see if the stove was on?

"The call is coming from INSIDE THE HOUSE"***




*I may have a brain injury.

**Then there was the time I just left the gas on but turned off the burner. B accused me of trying to kill him. Good thing he doesn't smoke...

***Can you name that scary movie during this Halloween week?

****I write about fire a lot, don't I?

4 important things being said:

mandatorybloghere said...

I do this ALOT
HIm I shut the stove off for you
Me Thanks
Him You left it on AGAIN
Him You would think you would learn
Me You would think you would learn to stop expecting so much of me

Jennifer said...

Seriously? The police came out for that? I love your town. It's like Mayberry!

Although, I would about something everyday and they would eventually block my calls. I think I leave the garage door open everyday. I never do.

Blaez said...

mmmmmmm i think they should have stayed and cought themselves a drunk driver. really?! she was on her way home already, c'mon!

and tell B that he isn't the only one with someone who does that. Joe baked a pie and i was like "omigod its so forever hot in this place after we get done cooking" like 3 hours later....plus an hour of baking.... 4 hours of our gas oven going none stop at 400 degrees.

*~Dani~* said...

mandatorybloghere - hilarious! We may have that exact same conversation about MANY things.

Jennifer - yes, we do live in Mayberry. They would block my calls too. Funny about the garage door!!

Blaez - I agree! I have also left the over on after cooking. We have more important things on our mind, am I right?

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