Things I Learned Today and Other News...

Well, those of you that follow me on Google Reader just got a surprise post that was a bunch of crap and incomplete sentences. Now YOU learned something today. Yes, I email myself half completed thoughts and sentences and then I spin brilliance from those words. And by "brilliance," I mean the following:

Here is a brief synopsis of my day, what I encountered and what valuable things I learned that I need to pass on to you if you are going to make it in this world:

~Yellow cupcakes with rich chocolate frosting makes 9 am at the office on a Monday 1000% times better.

~Squealing like a little girl, clapping your hands and declaring it the "best Monday EVER" because of said cupcake makes the chance of a huge raise 1000% less likely.

~Men exiting their cars at truck stops will burp. Loudly. Said men may then look at you to inquire as to whether (a) you heard that and (b) if you think it is sexy. I prefer to deny both.

~Truck stops that look like a Trader Joe's inside equals my idea of high class peeing on the road. It may even tempt me to buy a scratch-off lottery ticket and dream of being a millionaire to spend all of my time in Trader Joe's.

~Having an abundance of scratch off tickets in your purse while being searched at the courthouse will cause the officer to give you a crazy look somewhere between "we are all normal and one" and "you are one of THOSE crazy people." Then the officer will say "I hope you are not one of those crazy people that scratch these right there in the store" thereby securing the fact that he thought of you as the latter and not the former. You decide now is not the time to point out that you are not that person since the lottery tickets are NOT SCRATCHED. Oh and why are you still hand searching purses in this century? Haven't you heard of xray machines? All the cool courts have them.

~If you are at a bowling alley bowling with small children and have the chance to partake in bumper bowling - beware! If the bumper becomes dislodged DO NOT attempt to fix it yourself. It could result in a severed pinkie finger. At least it did in the court case today. Do you really want to have to file a lawsuit for your missing finger and gross me out in the process? Let the pros do that. And by pros I mean the 20 year old boys they pay $6.00 an hour to rack shoes. They obviously know what they are doing.

~A cupcake, truck stop, lotto ticket, severed finger and burping man already makes this week better than last week when I got someone fired* and made someone cry** all in the span of 5 days.

~Fall is here. Actually, it feels like winter, but I do like the colors:

Yes, I take terrible pictures while driving. What do you expect? I am supposed to be DRIVING.

This one was better. I love red trees. And red bushes. B - you need to get on that. Thanks.

~If you want your Halloween decorations to freak me out, do not put up a skeleton, or the grim reaper, or a witch, or Jason or Freddy. Just put up a normal scarecrow but HAVE HIM TURN AWAY FROM ME:

Blair Witch anyone?

So disturbing.

*I did not, in fact, get anyone fired. Yet I got blamed for it.

**I did not, in fact, make anyone cry. I also got blamed for that. Two for two!