Well it is no wonder that B doesn't take me to the ball game* too often. First, as you know, I don't really follow sports. Second, I like to discuss what is going on around us, not necessarily what is happening in the game. Third, when I do decide to discuss what is going on in the game, I quickly become an "expert" much to the amusement and/or frustration of B. Here is a prime example:
[Scene: Baseball game around the 5th inning]
Me: Oh GREAT, Smith is up to bat? We are SCREWED.
B: Like you even know what you are talking about!
Me: Oh, I don't know? I DON'T KNOW?
Me: You know he is just going to hit it up and to the left like he does EVERY.SINGLE.TIME and then he will foul out, or whatever it is called, and then all of these men on all of the bases out there? WASTED.
Me: Yes, Smith, you will be WASTING ALL OF THOSE HITS!
Me: I mean, really. Look at his stats - they are AWFUL.
B: You don't know what you are talking about.
Me: Really? Why are his RBIs so low? Huh?
B: They are low.
Me: What are RBIs anyway?
[Scene: Later in the same inning]
Me: Now THAT guy has GREAT stats.
B: HE IS ON THE OTHER TEAM.
Me: We are SCREWED.
You know what is fun though? When the guy in your row decides to walk down in front of you for the second time and then stop RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE and say "maybe I should have gone the other way" while doing some weird back and forth maneuver RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE that prompts your spouse to say "nice of him to wave his junk in your face" and you to say "thank God he is wearing pants" and thinking what you really wanted to say to the guy was "HEY, I think you left your penis on my face."
Finally, no baseball game is complete unless it is at or below 50 degrees. Seriously, the last three games we went to in different months? FREEZING. Here is photographic evidence:
Yes, I am wearing a sweatshirt AND a fleece AND gloves AND drinking a hot chocolate. You will also notice there is no one around me. That is because they were smart and stayed home and watched it on TV with their heat on.
I love sports.
*Or a football game. Or a basketball game. I am a bit better with hockey. A bit.