If There Is Gambling, Sleeping and Buffeting at the End of the Road, I Will Only Slightly Whine Along the Journey

It has been a long couple of weeks since I last posted.  I actually find it hard to believe that the last thing I talked about was Thanksgiving and now it is almost Christmas. Time flies when you are busy and stressed.  So what have I been up to?

First, I had a trial. Not as long as my last one, only three days. However, those were a long three days full of lots of motions and arguing and lots of late nights preparing. Even the jury took their time, not rendering a verdict until 6:00 p.m.  Too bad their verdict was not in my favor.  Favorite part of the trial? When my opposing counsel showed up the second day and proudly exclaimed "See, I brought MY binder too.  It is empty."  (I always use a binder to keep all of my stuff organized. My opponents usually don't.)

But right before that three day trial? B and I had our second annual holiday party. Because that is exactly what you are supposed to do less than 48 hours before trial, host a party for 40 something people. You may not remember the first party because I barely talked about it. I do have some pictures from last year's event though:

Pre-party house:

Outside including tealight walkway bags:

My bro and B discussing the finer aspects of...a fish tank:

Almost party time and with a warm fire roaring:

You know where my photos from this holiday party are? Nowhere. They don't exist.  Just imagine the above photos with a different tree, lights instead of tealight bags on the walk, no fish tank and about 40 people milling about at any given time.

It was a blast.

My favorite part? Probably when the carbon monoxide detector went off and my brother thought it was the smoke alarm and started fanning it, and no one else seemed to care. I had to take that sucker outside and dismantle it all the way down to ripping out the batteries in order to make it stop blaring. 

That reminds me of the time that B decided to remove the faulty carbon monoxide detector and store it in a safe place. The garage. Wasn't I surprised when I started the car that next morning.  Good times.

Now after that long three day trial, B and I took a mini vacation to Vegas.  The city I like to call my second home. It had been just over a year since we last went and I loved it. I wished we had stayed a day longer, but I will take what I can get.  I slept a lot, ate good food and played video poker slots until I almost broke my back and went blind.

It was a blast.

Now I am back to the land of the cold and already preparing for my next trial in the beginning of January. When did I become a trial queen? The last one was my third in 9 months! How exhausting. This one will be longer because it is two trials in one. Or really back to back, but you get the point.  

I will try not to wait until after then to update though.  I have many pictures and stories to share with you.  

Happy Vegas Christmas!

Guess who turned 1 on 10/10/10? Or is it 7? Who Knows, But There Was Cake.

When B informed me the other day that he figured out when Jersey's birthday was* and that it was coming up the next weekend, I sprang into action.  By that I mean I stumbled upon a rawhide birthday cake and decided we would do birthday pictures and have a little party.  B decided I was nuts and refused to partake. Party pooper!

So first I bought the cake:

Then I told Jersey she had to pose pretty for her first birthday picture:

For comparison, this is her last year:

Then I told Jersey there was CAKE, but she had to pose with it first.  So she did like a good dog**:

Then the cake was all hers:

Yes, I think that is a ghost.  Someone has to watch over these animals.

But that was not all of the birthday festivities. Jersey had a friend over, Molly. They played and fought and ran around a lot.  If these are blurry, it is because they are ACTION SHOTS PEOPLE:

Oh, it's on:

Happy Birthday, Baby Girl! We have loved every minute of your first year.

*Or the vet told him. Whatever.

**She is no longer a puppy, but a DOG! She even has to eat dog food instead of puppy food. My heart is crushed. 

Dear B: You Need to Learn to Be a Better Wingman

When I was on the dating scene I had the best wingman. Actually I had a few. We knew what our jobs were as wingmen - RESCUE, RESCUE, RESCUE. This could be in the form of redirecting the attacker, redirecting the situation, taking one for the team, making introductions, etc. You name it, we did it.

WE WERE THERE FOR EACH OTHER.

Now, I am married and I have a built in wingman. Isn't that what a life partner is supposed to do? Support their spouse? Be their backup? I thought so as well. I am here to tell you, however, my wingman is missing a wing or two.

It all started when I somehow became part of the committee to plan my 20 year high school reunion.* I am not entirely sure how this happened other than I responded in a Facebook thread something like "let me know if you need anything" and now I am on a committee of four and responsible for one fourth of the down payment for the hall? Well, then.

Anyhow, the "committee" decided they needed to meet in person to get things rolling. It turns out that the head girl lives just two blocks from me. It also turned out that they wanted to have the meeting at a favorite restaurant of B's.

Perfect.

The Plan

B and I would go have dinner at the restaurant an hour before the meeting was to take place. He would then leave me at the meeting and the girl that lived a couple blocks away would drive me home. I told him to be near his phone in case I needed a rescue. You know, like a wingman.

Perfect.

The Problem

I didn't tell anyone but B about this plan. Therefore, the girl that lived nearby had no clue that I was relying upon her to get me home.

Second problem - two of the four were stay at home moms who hit the jackpot with this meeting in that they could stay out late and drink. Me? I had court in the morning. So as the "meeting" dragged on through multiple glasses of wine and on to coffees with Bailey's, I started to get worried that I would never make it home.

When the head girl decided she was going to read off all 223 names of the people we graduated with to see if we remembered them, the third girl smartly ran off because she had to work in the morning. She was too quick for me. Plus she lived in an entirely different direction.

The Solution

My wingman will save me, I thought. I covertly texted B:

"Can you please come get me?"

This was at 10 pm. The "meeting" started at 7 pm. The coffees were ordered at 10:30. My phone remained silent despite my checking it for messages every 2.3 seconds.

The Result

Over one hour after the original text, B calls. I answer it at the table speaking in code:

B: Why didn't you call me?

Me: Because.

B: I would have came right away.

Me: Can you assist at all?

B: Give me five minutes.

I spent the next 15 trying to figure out how to extract myself from the situation** without being obvious.

I then spent the next 10 minutes berating B's wingman skills. B did make some valuable suggestions such as:

"Why didn't you just tell them you were supposed to call me at X time to pick you up and then call you?"

It was obvious that I was trapped and in unnatural surroundings. The exhuastion of having to pretend I vividly remembered 222 other people, every teacher we ever had, and the last school play took all of my brain cells. B is lucky I remembered his number. Well, actually I am lucky. Also, side note, B does not know my phone number. At all. Wrap your brain around that for a minute.

Anyhow, it's official. B is no wingman. That is why next time I am sending him to the committee meeting as my proxy.

Bet he learns my number after that.

*Damn that makes me sound old!

**Everytime I hear "the situation" in any situation, I think of the Jersey Shore. Damn you MTV with your mindless brainwashing.

Step Two in Party Planning: Presentation is Everything!

This means the outside must look as good as the inside. Lucky for us, this was not a problem. You see, B has been dreaming of owning a home for so long for one main reason. No, not so we no longer had to share a wall with a noisy cougher that would also set things on fire randomly. No, not so we could finally get a dog, and not a brown one. No, not so we could have a lawn that B could cut. Not for a garage for my car. His main reason?

To put up Christmas lights.

Seriously. We would drive around the area we live in now at Christmas because they have the best lights and he would dream about putting up his own and would tell me how he would do it. I think he has always had an exact idea of what he would put up and where, of course, given whatever house we landed in. Then we landed here. Unfortunately, we didn't close until after the new year so no lights for us last year. This year, though? Lights, action and I've got the camera!

Actually this first shot was taken with B's camera. It is a bit blurry, but you get the picture. Ha! Get it? I am cheesy.

First, B put up the lights on the shrubs and on the tree. Then he put the icicle lights over the door and to be honest, I wasn't a fan. They are just so white compared to the other lights. B tells me that is BECAUSE THEY ARE ICICLES. I said it would probably look better when there were more. And it did. And it does. It will also probably look better with s-n-o-w, but I don't really want any of that. Since I spelled it out and didn't say it (type it?), we surely won't get any now.

Oh, and here is a brighter picture.

See that lit up room to the left? That is my office. I would venture a guess that I was up there at the exact moment this picture was being taking. Probably reading blogs. Probably not writing posts. I am horrible about that.

And, then, on the night of our party, B added the bagged candles a/k/a lit candles in a paper bag to light our guests' way. My brother, being the newest firefighter graduate, pondered "Lit candles in a PAPER bag? Is THAT a good idea?" We told him we felt confident knowing we had him around. And he did his job well.

Thanks for going out and re-lighting those candles every 20 minutes, bro! You will be happy to know that at the end of the night *ahem* morning, when everyone left, there were still three candles burning.

You will probably not be happy to note that B threw all of the candle holders and paper bags into our Christmas storage trunk without completely emptying the holders of water.

I know I wasn't.