Just Another Night Where Someone Loses An Eye But No One Does Anything About It

Last night around 11 or so, I came downstairs to tell B a few things:

B: What's up?

Me: I have a list of things I have to say...

B: Are they about Black Swan?

Me: We could start there. That movie was stupid. Stupid! Maybe it didn't help that I had an idea of what was happening the whole time, even though I still don't know what happened.  Or that I knew the ending. But it was STUPID! I just wasted one hour and 48  minutes of my life when I could have been watching my DVR.

Me: Speaking of DVR, Franklin & Bash is FUNNY.

B: You watch Franklin & Bash?

Me: YES! And it is FUNNY.  Really, how could you go wrong with the comedic timing of Breckin Meyer and John Paul Gosselar.

B: Mark-Paul

Me: What?

B: His name is Mark-Paul not John Paul.

Me: John Paul sounds more French.

B: He is not French.

Me: Yes, he is. I looked it up. French Canadian.*

B: You looked him up and you still don't know his name?

Me: Whatever? Next up. My butt hurts like I walked many miles in it but really it is just from sitting on my ass. I don't know if that is sad or awesome so I am going with awesome.

Me: Also, I had a dream last night that Chester lost an eyeball. He scooted into the room holding it out to me. I alternated between screaming AHHHHHHHHH and saying "it will be okay Chester."  Guess who didn't come to help me although he was in the next room? That's right! You!  OUR CAT HAD NO EYEBALL. NO EYEBALL!!!

B:  Going to bed?

Me: Yep.

B: Night.

Me: Night.

/scene

*Actually he is not French or Canadian or even French Canadian. He was born to a Dutch born father and an Indonesian born mother. What up with the hypenated French sounding name parents? Way to confuse someone who is only half paying attention.**

**Yes, I had to go look that up. Again!

Still Just Chillin' In These Parts

Hope your holidays are as restful and peaceful as ours!

When It Rains, It Pours Yogurt a/k/a If Life Gives You Yogurt, It is Probably Because You Dropped It

Things have been quite busy here in the Riddler household.  Life at the office is scary busy.  The trial did not help in the bit, especially when it took 7 days when it should have taken 2.  And I didn't win, so there is that.*  Grrr.

Also, I have been writing more reviews for Daemon's now that fall TV is picking up. They are also letting me review DVDs.  That makes for fun, but busy times.

So it really was no surprise to me that eventually I would be moving too fast to not pay attention to what was going on around me.  That was the other day.  I like to call it Raining Yogurt Day.  I was in a hurry, of course. Did you not read everything I wrote above?  So I grabbed a yogurt from the fridge before sending Jersey to her resting place. No I didn't kill her! Her crate. HER CRATE! Geez, people.  Well, I missed with the whole grabbing-the-yogurt thing and it fell to the floor. I picked it up surprised that it hadn't broke and threw it in my bag.  Then I noticed it was leaking. So much for the no breaking thing. I grabbed another one and took Jersey out for a final pee. No, I didn't kill her! Final pee until we returned home.  You people are very suspicious.

I thought it was strange that she was running around and licking my pants until I realized they had yogurt on them. Nice.  So I spotted them with a lot of water and was off to work.  Yes, I probably should have changed pants, but I am BUSY.  Of course that resulted in my turning on the heater in the car to get the pants dried, but I was awfully proud of myself because you could not tell what happened.

Yeah, right.

After running into the ladies room before hitting the office, I happen to catch a glimpse of something pink in the mirror.  YOGURT. ON MY SLEEVE. And when I mean on my sleeve, I mean covering it. Covering the jacket. Inside on the tshirt. How could I have missed this? And so I scrub and wet and all is right.

Until right before I get home and see more yogurt on my pants.  Seriously, I don't even think that all of the yogurt I found could even fit into the container that I dropped.  How do I consistently have these problems with food? 

I blame YOU mother. Maybe you should have spent more time teaching me how to eat instead of teaching me to read at 3. Priorities!

Speaking of priorities, Jersey sure has hers:

Yes, that was a rather lame segway to show you a picture of my dog. Were you expecting something more?  Look how comfortable she looks jammed up against that bookcase. I would break my neck. Of course, that is mostly because she had just gotten down from laying completely across me with her head backwards and in the crook of my neck forcing me into some weird C maneuver with my head in order to still watch TV. Yet, I didn't move.  Who owns whom again?

In other news, her legs still seem awfully long and I fear she is not done growing. 

I guess we will keep her anyway.

Today is our big block party in our hood. Stay tuned for an update. Actually, I don't think I told you about last year's party, so stay tuned for a double update. And when I say "stay tuned" I do not mean tonight.  Two blog posts in one day is a bit overreaching for this blog, peeps.

Happy Block Party Day, bitches!

*Well the Plaintiff only got half of what she was asking for, so that is kind of a win. It is not a victory.

Lil B's Version of a Window Seat Has a Whole New Meaning

Brad takes window seats to a whole new level. Yes, that is the shadow of my laptop in the window. We were scared if we went to get the camera, he would move. These photos are courtesy of Photo Booth which required us to stand in acrobatic poses in order to manage not to get our faces in there as well.

A perfect way to spend a hot, muggy June day. Lil' B is a genius!

Please Don't Betty White Me. Well, You Can, and I Will Be Flattered, But I Will Decline

I know I am late to this bandwagon, but what else is new? However, it was just this last week that something I heard on a radio show made me stop to think a little bit more about this Betty White situation.

As you all know, there was a facebook campaign to get Saturday Night Live to invite Betty White to host the show. This was a big deal because Betty White is in her 80s, a fantastic actress, but has never hosted the show. The campaign was successful and Betty was a hit.

Now, though, people are getting carried away. There is a facebook campaign to have her host the Emmys and the Oscars. I am sure next it will be the Grammys and Dick Clark's New Year's Eve. But, has anyone stopped to ask Betty White if she wants all of this? Maybe she doesn't want to host the Emmys or the Oscars or the Grammys or any number of things people are surely sitting around concocting facebook campaigns for. How do we know?

Yes, I am sure she is honored. She is also in her 80s. She has been an actress for decades. Maybe she wants to relax, garden, surf the net. Maybe she doesn't want to spend hours and hours practicing for hosting gigs. We will never know, though, will we? No one has stopped to ask her.

Well, let me make it clear to you all. I don't want a facebook campaign to do something cool that somehow turns into a landslide of campaigns of more things to do which are less and less cool and more and more work. That is not fun to me. Fun to me is watching a good movie that you have to rewind four times because you keep falling asleep under a comfy blanket because it is raining out and it is Sunday and Monday is a holiday. THAT is fun.

You know what I want? Certainly love and adoration, but quieter and more subdued. And no facebook campaigns.

Unless the facebook campaign involves something that would allow me to watch more movies under comfy blankets and no work on Mondays.

In that case, campaign away!*

*If anyone could accomplish this, it would be my blog readers, you are the best!**

**That is not a bribe, you really are the best and I love you.***

***But if you can make that happen, I would love you even more.

Lazy Days Equal Watching Actual Children Reenact The Hills (Not Just the Usual "Children" That Star on the Show)

Today was a lazy day, so you get a lazy post. If you have ever watched The Hills, you know how utterly terrible the acting can be. Below, watch some kids reenact some scenes. You will be amazed at what better actors they are.

My favorite parts? How the girl playing Audrina is always looking up and how Heidi goes from being plastic to just being an actual Barbie doll at the end.

Of Cottages, Bears and Kayaks...How We Spent the Fourth of July

Typically, we do not do anything exciting for the 4th of July as B is always working. The fact is B works every day and the summer is his busiest season. Thus, we do not get many trips until fall or winter. Occasionally he can steal away for a day or two but the last time I recall that happening over a holiday weekend was when we first met (which is a whole other story for a different day). Somehow, this year, B bribed someone or something and got the actual 4th of July off. What made it even better is that his parents just purchased a cottage up north. So off we went!

At first I thought I forgot my camera (oh the horror!) but I later found it in my bag. So you get some pictures:

The view from the property complete with the kayak that was purchased the day before:

Some beautiful wildflowers growing on the property:

B testing out his kayak skills:

And later donning a matching hat. Planned?

More view:

The cottage, complete with floor to ceiling windows which are perfect for looking out on the lake, or lounging around and taking a nap (right B?):

Where I spent my time:

Can you see the butterfly? I suck at up close photos. I blame the camera, however:

The former owners of the property, or at least of the dock:

Seriously those ducks would not leave. Everyone tried to scare them off. They would squawk and just come back. B's Dad decided to try out the kayak:

And try to scare the ducks:

Alas, it didn't work.

Later we went to a graduation/bbq and got to see a bear made out of a giant tree trunk. Look how cool:

He was made with a chainsaw by a guy who does it as a hobby. A hobby. Dude, I cannot even hem no sew curtains (again, another post) and this guy makes a 6 foot bear?

I cry unfair.

Only Time Will Tell Unless It's Fake

B, upon arriving home from work at 10:40 am one Saturday, asked:

B: What time did you get up today?

Me: I don't know. Maybe a mere half hour ago.

B: A half hour ago, huh. Are you sure?

Me: Yes, because the fake clock* said 10:20 a.m.

B: Ah ha! So you really got up 20 minutes ago!

Me: Um, no. A half hour ago. Just because the fake clock is ten minutes off, it doesn't mean that time moves any different.

B: [silence]

Me: Are you following me?

B: No.

Me: When the fake clock says 10:50 right now, it is really 10:40. So when I got up at 10:20 fake clock time, it was really 10:10 - a half hour ago.

B: Fake clock schmake clock.

...and B for the win! Really, how can you argue with a rhyme involving made up words?

*fake clock refers to our bedroom alarm clock that we set 10 minutes fast. Really, it is fake time not a fake clock.

My How the Garden Grows...

I am too tired to do anything but post pictures. Check in tomorrow to see what made me so darn tired. In the meantime, enjoy these pictures of our random flowers:

The Neighbors Are One Upping Us

Our neighbor has been outside working on his lawn, his front lawn, for about 6 hours now. And, this is not the first or only time he has worked on it since spring has arrived. Nope, he has been out there almost every day. Today involved a long orange extension cord, a leaf blower and other things. This is the same neighbor that was sweeping when the police arrived the other day. And to the left of us, our neighbors are re-mulching around the trees they just mulched the other day. I also heard them out there splitting wood. They are 90.

Do you know what I did today?

1. Unpacked two boxes (yes I still have boxes that need to be unpacked from the move. Don't even get me started on all of the boxes I have at my mom's house that have been stored there for years. Scary.).
2. Looked for Nelson pictures (yes, they are currently lost. You would think having their own photo album would make it easier. Nope. Yes, I just admitted they have their own album. Scary.).
3. Did two loads of laundry and dried and folded one of B's.
4. Took a long nap

The neighbors are making me look bad. I am not the only one that thinks this as B remarked about it earlier. As I told B, we are not 90 and retired and neither of us has been offered a buyout where we have every day free to putz around. B is back up to a 7 day work week and, frankly, I wouldn't know what to do with the yard besides photograph the array of flowers and plants that are popping up which, luckily for you, I have been doing! I love that we have absolutely no idea what the former people planted and that they planted such a variety of things, that items are popping up literally over night.

The tulips are my favorite so far:

Don't know what these are going to be yet:

Pretty pink:

And purple:

And blue:

And gorgeous tulips again:

White ones with some purple thrown in:

More white:

More pink:

More tulips:

And these lone ones in the front yard (the rest are in the back):

There, you have it, our self growing flower garden as of right now. B did plant some flowers recently, but I am not telling what they are yet. It will be a surprise.

And even on the dreariest of days there is some color as evidenced by this beautiful bush right outside B's TV room:

Look at that color! Of course B, taking lessons from me, did not even notice said bush. As I was on the couch talking to him I spotted it and exclaimed "wow! What kind of bush is that!" to which he responded "what bush?" Um, just that big yellow bush over your shoulder:

He later looked it up and told me it was a forsythia plant. When I looked it up it said it was a sign that spring was coming which thrilled me since it was pouring rain at the time.

To end, I will leave you with a picture of my neighbor's beautiful flowering tree. This would be the 90 year old neighbors.

B and I both wish we had a flowering tree. We have a huge tree that is just now starting to bud, but no flowers. It will provide a lot of shade though. Pictures of that later.