Monday, June 25, 2012

And Then I Rescued a Dog That Was Not in Need

So the other day I thought I was a hero. You see, I rescued a dog. Me! Not B, but me! Me!

I was driving to meet my family for breakfast when I noticed a small Yorkie in the grass by the road. I waited a minute to see if there was an owner nearby.  When one didn't appear, I rounded the corner and got out of my car. 

The dog was excited to see me and she had tags.  What a score, I thought! I can just quickly return her to her owners. Unfortunately, there were no owner info on the tags, only shot info and she appeared to be very far from home. I scooped her up and off we went.

She had no chip when scanned by the vet.  They called her vet, but it was closed for another half hour. I decided to take her home to get her some water. It was then that my neighbor pulled up and said "THANK GOD!"

It was his father's dog that he was watching.

I "rescued" my neighbor's dog.

Rescue fail.

How was I supposed to know? Well, in that moment of revelation, a few things collided in my mind at once:

  • B told me the neighbor was watching his dad's dog and that Nevada was obsessed with it, but when I asked him what kind he only said "small."
  • My neighbor was out when I left the house in his backyard.
  • The dog was on his property outside the backyard.
  • I briefly thought about asking the neighbor if he knew whose dog it was, but just figured it was too far from home for him to know.

Lesson learned?  Only dogs that do not need help will approach me. 


Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Wordless Wednesday: What? I Am Just Resting on This Pillow

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

And On the Seventh Day, She Rested a/k/a Garage Sale Hangover

Garage sales are hard.

Garage sales sound like a good idea.

Garage sales are exhausting.

They are also a people watching dream come true.  Here are some examples of what I saw and can remember:

  • The guy who wanted to tell us how to place our signs, how we were losing "half of our customer base" due to which way the sign was facing, and how our signs were failing to do their job. When asked how he found out about the sale? "I followed a sign."
  • The scary looking man who was swinging a sword around and testing a rifle by aiming it at the sky. He looked insane and I fully expected to have the federal government declare a code orange on our sale. Note: Gun was NOT loaded and no ammunition was nearby.
  • Same scary man paid for a $15 item with $12 in cash and $3 in change.
  • Then he bought something for a $1 in quarters in dimes.
  • Then he pulled out pennies for an old hammer.
  • Then he asked if he could use the hammer as a tenderizer.
  • Then he said he would just chuck the hammer and run.
  • The woman who wanted to buy everything for 10 cents no matter what it was marked for.  She would tell me how much less it was priced at the store and I would tell her to get over to the store and get it.
  • She also wanted to have the last word - "have a good day. YOU have a good day" and so on.  When she said see you next year, I seriously considered not only NOT having a garage sale, but actually moving.
  • The guy who came both days on his bike and asked for a glass of ice water.
Also, my mother is too kind hearted to have a garage sale and I am not sure she understands how it works despite the numerous ones we have attended ourselves. (LOVE  YOU MOM).  She:

  • Bought a high ticket item from our sale despite my assertions that THAT IS NOT ALLOWED.
  • She wanted to loan a stranger $2 to buy something else.
  • When a woman broke one of a collection of 5 cups, she wanted to give her the rest free because she felt bad.
Also.  People will return to ask about an item they didn't buy. They will do this at 11:00 a.m. the next day when you are not having a garage sale. You will be in your pajamas wondering who is at the door.  You will only answer because you see a baby stroller and think it is a neighbor. It will be the lady that broke something and whom your Mom felt bad about. She will feel bad and have pondered all night about the beauty of the remainder of the set. You will not have the heart to tell her you donated all leftovers. You will tell her it sold.  For A LOT OF MONEY.

Maybe Mom does know best.

Also, for what we made, I estimate we each averaged $.50 an hour in wages.

I quit.


Monday, June 04, 2012

Girls Just Want to Put Their Foot in Their Mouths

Is anyone watching the show Girls on HBO? No? You should. Like right now. Stop reading this blog, go on demand it and you will be caught up in no time.  Seriously. They are only half hour episodes (in HBO land, that is roughly 22-27 minutes).  Once you are done, report back here immediately and go on to the next paragraph.

Okay. Caught up? So Girls is an awesome show mostly because it is awkward. At first B made fun of me for watching it. Then he declared the main character "awful." Now he deserts me in mid conversation to "go watch an episode of Girls." Yes, I can hear him laughing all the way upstairs.

You still haven't watched it, have you? Shame.

Watch this clip:

and this one:

Well, I had my own Girls moment the other day at work.  I will let you be the judge:

Girls episode:*

Guy: Open your eyes...surprise! 
Girl: Gasp
Guy: Do you like it? (pointing to lack of hair on his head)
Girl: No, I don't f'g like it! It looks like $hit!
Guy: I did it for Cathy.
Girl: Who the f$ck is Cathy?
Guy: The woman at work who has cancer.
Girl: Oh, great! Now I look like the a$$hole.

Dani's life:

Dani: G, what happened to your hair?
G:  I shaved it on Friday.
Dani: Oh, good. I thought you were going to tell me you had cancer cause you look like you have cancer.
G:  Actually, my friends and I all shaved our heads for our friend who has cancer.

Guess who looks like the a$$hole now?


*Sadly no clip for this awesome scene can be found.

**B also says the main character, Hannah, reminds me of him.  To which I responded: 
Me: Gasp!
Me: Wha...?
Me: How?
Me: Wha...?
and he responded:
B: See above story.

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