Tuesday, June 12, 2012

And On the Seventh Day, She Rested a/k/a Garage Sale Hangover

Garage sales are hard.

Garage sales sound like a good idea.

Garage sales are exhausting.

They are also a people watching dream come true.  Here are some examples of what I saw and can remember:

  • The guy who wanted to tell us how to place our signs, how we were losing "half of our customer base" due to which way the sign was facing, and how our signs were failing to do their job. When asked how he found out about the sale? "I followed a sign."
  • The scary looking man who was swinging a sword around and testing a rifle by aiming it at the sky. He looked insane and I fully expected to have the federal government declare a code orange on our sale. Note: Gun was NOT loaded and no ammunition was nearby.
  • Same scary man paid for a $15 item with $12 in cash and $3 in change.
  • Then he bought something for a $1 in quarters in dimes.
  • Then he pulled out pennies for an old hammer.
  • Then he asked if he could use the hammer as a tenderizer.
  • Then he said he would just chuck the hammer and run.
  • The woman who wanted to buy everything for 10 cents no matter what it was marked for.  She would tell me how much less it was priced at the store and I would tell her to get over to the store and get it.
  • She also wanted to have the last word - "have a good day. YOU have a good day" and so on.  When she said see you next year, I seriously considered not only NOT having a garage sale, but actually moving.
  • The guy who came both days on his bike and asked for a glass of ice water.
Also, my mother is too kind hearted to have a garage sale and I am not sure she understands how it works despite the numerous ones we have attended ourselves. (LOVE  YOU MOM).  She:

  • Bought a high ticket item from our sale despite my assertions that THAT IS NOT ALLOWED.
  • She wanted to loan a stranger $2 to buy something else.
  • When a woman broke one of a collection of 5 cups, she wanted to give her the rest free because she felt bad.
Also.  People will return to ask about an item they didn't buy. They will do this at 11:00 a.m. the next day when you are not having a garage sale. You will be in your pajamas wondering who is at the door.  You will only answer because you see a baby stroller and think it is a neighbor. It will be the lady that broke something and whom your Mom felt bad about. She will feel bad and have pondered all night about the beauty of the remainder of the set. You will not have the heart to tell her you donated all leftovers. You will tell her it sold.  For A LOT OF MONEY.

Maybe Mom does know best.

Also, for what we made, I estimate we each averaged $.50 an hour in wages.

I quit.


5 important things being said:

Jennifer said...

I am still cracking up at that lady who wanted everything for $0.10 and that guy who said he would throw the hammer and run. He was a character! We'll be seeing him on the news soon.

Cindy said...

This is too funny!! Wish I woulda come over just for the people watching. I've had a few garage sales and swore I would never have another for the exact reason that you came up with -- the hourly wage!! (and the Wacky Packs!)

Jme said...

This is hysterical! I need to have a garage sale just to have weird people come!

Patricia said...

This is fantastic! Garage Sales really do bring out the characters :)

*~Dani~* said...

@Jennifer - That lady and I were going to throw down. Not like throw a hammer because that guy already bought it.

@Cindy - I swear I will never have another one which means you will probably read about it again next week.

@Jme - it is totally the best people watching place there is. Unfortunately those people also know where you live.

@Patricia - they sure do!

Blog Widget by LinkWithin