Book It, Barrister!

I have been obsessed with barrister bookcases for quite some time. All I kept telling B is how much I love bookcases, barrister bookcases. He must have been listening because he started scouring estate sales for them. He found quite a few.  Sometimes we would even head to one, hoping it would still be there (especially on half off day), but the bookcases were always sold.

Imagine my surprise when I came home one night and found this in the living room casually leaning against the wall:

My beautiful barrister book case

So gorgeous! I asked B about this new addition and he told me he finally found one at an estate sale that hadn't been sold and actually got a good deal on it. He was excited to find out that every piece is removable so you can make it shorter.* However, I like it just the height it is.  Plus, the removed pieces cannot form another bookcase without a bottom, so they would just have to go into storage.

I also told B that I loved the bookcase right where it initially landed. This spot originally held a fish tank as seen here.  Since that tank is no longer with us, that spot has been empty for a while.  I love seeing this in its space.  It seems to complete the room.  

This is one of B's best finds although honestly I love them all.


     

*I later found out that all barrister bookcases have removable pieces hence the beauty of them. When a lawyer ran out of space, they could just order another piece. The more you know...** 

**Thanks for the knowledge, Dad.

Sex, Marry or Kill - Dexter Edition. Which Would You Choose?

Hey Dexter fans!

Tonight is the season premiere, in about a half hour.  I, sadly, will not be watching it with you as we are in a fight with our cable company and the end result so far is no Showtime.  Go figure.  Luckily, I was asked to write an advance review for Daemon's TV and was able to watch the first three episodes of this season.  You can read my review here.

I think this is going to be a fantastic season. I liked what I have seen so far.  If you watch it, come back and tell me what you thought or leave a comment on my review.

On to more pressing matters...

As I was watching the new episodes, I kept saying to myself, "I LOVE Dexter." And I do. But that got me thinking - could I REALLY love Dexter? Like LOVE, LOVE? As in 'til death do us part?

Here's the thing. He is a serial killer.  But he only kills bad people?  But he loves doing it. And he only kills bad people because he was told that is how he should do it to avoid getting caught. If not for the code, wouldn't he just kill anyone without a second thought?  Therein lies the conflict.

Could you be with a killer if you knew he/she would only kill those that truly deserved it? Could you trust that person?  Would that person make you feel safe or terrified? I have my own thoughts, but would love to hear what you have to say.

So, let's start it out this way.  If you HAD to choose one, which would you choose to do with a serial killer?

1. Have sex
2. Marry
3. Kill

For the ladies, it is Dexter or someone like him. For the men, it is the female version of Dexter who is smoking hot.

Take it away...which would you choose?

And then check out what Daemon's readers would choose here.

New Review of This Week's Episode of Pretty Little Liars

Check out my new review here.  And if you are watching this show, leave a comment here or at Daemon's.  Too many shocking things happened last night that I must discuss!

TV Review: Hung "Tucson is the Gateway to the D" a/k/a "This is Not Sexy"

My review from last night's episode of Hung is up at Daemon's TV. Check it out!  Did you watch it? If so, come join commenter Natalie and I as we discuss it.

If you didn't watch it, what are you waiting for?

I Cannot Operate This Phone. It Is Too Modern.

The other day, B wanted to go to a certain Mexican restaurant which is our favorite nearby. I thought I had a coupon for it which is an even bigger score! And I did.  The only problem was the "other day" was actually the fourth of July. We are so anti-American.  So B put me in charge of calling the place to see if they were open.  I soon found, however, that the last four digits of their number was TACO. Brilliant.  Not so brilliant was the fact that they did not give the number/letter translation in their ad like most places do.

After studying my Blackberry for WAY too long, I realized I could never figure out how to call this place. When B got out of the shower, I discussed this with him:

Me: I found a coupon for the Mexican place.

B: Good. Are they open?

Me: I don't know. I cannot call. My phone is too modern.

B: What are you talking about?

Me: My numbers don't have letters and their letters don't have numbers!

B: Um. WHAT?

Me: I don't know what TACO is in numbers.

B: I don't know what the hell you are talking about. Are we eating or what?

Turns out, peeps, you can Google ANYTHING. And thanks to Wikipedia, I was able to translate TACO into numbers to call the restaurant. Don't ask me what the translation was as I have already forgotten. I have more important things on my mind like singing "Double rainbow, double rainbow, What does it MEAN?"  Have you seen that video yet? If not, watch below:

That guy is WAY too excited about that rainbow.  Of course he isn't on drugs, just very emotional and in tune with the earth.  Now check out this auto tune song:

I dare you not to sing that all day.

Suckas!

Pretty Little Liars Review Up and Ready for Reading!

This is it! My first review since becoming an official member of Daemon's TV. So, go check out my review of this week's episode of Pretty Little Liars. It's a good one.

Are you watching yet? You should. Tuesdays at 8:00 p.m. on ABCFamily. Don't let the teenage plot fool you, it is a good show that keeps gaining momentum with each episode.

It is Like that Movie Mean Girls Except No One Knows What the Hell I Am Talking About!

The other day I was at a fundraiser with people from work. I looked over and gasped* when I saw a guy that looked like the principal** in Mean Girls. Here, I have a clip below - fast forward to 3:17, unless you really love Mean Girls and want to watch all of the scenes like I do. Word of warning, there is loud music involved with this video for some unknown reason so mute on your speakers would be a good idea.

Principal:

Anyway, back to the fundraiser. Enter the principal guy, but quite a bit taller. Enter my huge gasp. Then enter a big fat FAIL when no one there had ever seen Mean Girls!

Are you kidding me?

One of the greatest movies, in my opinion, and definitely one of the greatest movies Lindsay Lohan has ever been in (and probably ever will be).

I just wanted to scream "BOO! Whore."*** But what was the point? They never saw the movie.

That made me sad. I even found the youngest person there and he hadn't seen it. Yes, he was a guy. But B has seen Mean Girls.

Hasn't everyone? Please tell me that my office is some kind of anomaly and that everyone else on Earth has seen this movie at least once (or 500 times like myself)?

I refuse to believe otherwise.

*I gasp a lot. Seriously. B loves it. He really loves it when he makes me gasp. And I mean that in a totally non-sexual way. Pervs!

**Then they kept asking me what his name is - I don't know! (It is Tim Meadows). Then they would ask what other movies he was in - a lot! I don't know their names! (turns out not that many, but a lot of TV show appearances).

**What's your favorite line from Mean Girls? I want a bunch of Mean Girls comment quotes!!

Special Breakthrough Post: Check Out My Review of This Week's Episode of Pretty Little Liars

I have another guest review up at Daemon's TV for this week's episode of Pretty Little Liars. I am really loving this show! It is on at 8:00 p.m. on ABC Family and this was only the third episode of the entire show, so you still have time to watch it and catch up. Join me, won't you? I promise you will like it.

Read my review here.

Now back to our regularly scheduled posting...

Can we choregraph this? Synchronize it? FLASH it? Please?

Can I tell you that I love flash mobs? I know they are nothing new, but they get my interest every single time. Especially if there is dancing and singing involved. I don't know what it is, but my little heart flutters when a handful, or hundreds, or thousands, of people move together simultaneously.

Yes I am a dork.

A dork that loves to share. So here are some flash mob videos for your viewing pleasure. Since we just passed the one year anniversary of MJ's death, the first two are for him:

This one involves different kinds of music and dancing in a train station. I just love watching how happy the spectators get and how the dancers even get them to join in:

And, finally, one of my recent favorites that does not involve any music or dancing but manages to put a smile on thousands of people's faces:

My Mom and I thought we should do a similar high five video in a location here, but then we couldn't figure out who would tape it. With our luck, we would get the grumpy cursing crowd and rather than high fives, I would have tomatoes thrown at me or something.

Sounds about right.

Apparently I Am Still Psychic. This is Good News. But Only for Celebrities.

The other day I was driving down the street, which is a time when all good thoughts find me, when I was suddenly slapped by this thought:

Madonna is now single. Sean Penn is now single. They really loved each other once. I wonder if they will get back together again. Remember that time he punched out the paps? He can be rather mean. Or tough. How sexy.

Okay, that was more than one thought. But, then I came home and I read this.

Well, well, well. I am on to something. My psychic ability knows no bounds. Unless you consider only the lives of celebrities as a bounds. Frankly, I don't. However, I am at a loss at to how to make this newfound ability profitable. Thoughts?

While you are thinking about that, let's discuss something else important and which probably made me think of Madonna and Sean Penn in the first place.

Dexter.

If you don't know this already, John Lithgow was on the latest season of Dexter playing a psychopath. I won't tell you what happens because I hate when people do that and the show is really not the point of this post. The point? B is convinced that John Lithgow is a serial killer in real life because he played one so well on TV. This led me to ponder what roles I see as being that of the "true" actor/actress. Here is what I have come up with:

Sean Penn is the character he played in Mystic River. See above.

Kate Hudson is her character from Almost Famous.

Sarah Michelle Gellar is the character from Buffy, but I think we all know and would agree with that.

Christian Bale is the character from American Psycho. Honestly, he can scare me. Did you hear that on-set rant?

Brad Pitt is his character from Seven. I know Brad would like me to say the character from the Oceans 11 franchise, but, sorry Brad, it isn't so.

My Name is Dani and I Must Kick Your Car. Its a Problem

My name is Dani and I have a problem.

I like to kick cars.

Well, not cars exactly, but things on cars. What exactly do I mean? Let me explain.

Winter sucks. You know what the only good thing about winter is? Kicking cars. You know how snow gathers and clumps in the wheel wells of cars? That's what I am talking about. They must be kicked.

Seriously. They call my name. I love the satisfaction I get when I succeed in dislodging one and the thudding sound it makes when it falls to the ground. This may be the only thing I like about winter. Except maybe fleece.

My obsession with this kicking snow clumps is SO bad that I will kick other people's clumps as I stumble upon them. I try to do it when no one is looking for fear that someone will think that I am actually trying to kick their car and find retribution by performing a physical assault on me.

One time, I was so excited when we were stopped at a red light that I threatened to get out of our car to kick a nearby snow clump. B even egged me on. However, I truly did not feel like he had my back and would just laugh and drive away when the person confronted me. Husbands can be so mean.

Recently, this obsession took on a scarier angle as, in my enthusiasm to kick a snow clump off of a neighboring car, I lost my footing on a piece of ice and almost wiped out. It made me second guess my fun hobby. After all, hobbies shouldn't maim you, right?

The next day, though, I was back to kicking.

It is a problem.

I have to kick snow clumps on cars.

I must.

Thanks! I Think I Will Take the Stairs...All Eight Flights. Okay, Maybe It is Only Three, But You Get the Point.

Ever since I got stuck in an elevator while at court, I have been extra cautious to make sure it doesn't happen again. Of course, one really cannot control these things. However, there are certain things you can do to minimize any potential problems like staying in the front, not getting on an overcrowded elevator, taking the stairs.

Now, time makes the memory quite distant. Heck, even when I got stuck and vowed never to step foot on an elevator again, I took an elevator down a mere hour later. Denial is a beautiful thing. Since that event, years ago, I have gone on elevators more times than I can count without a second thought.

Until the other day.

I was chatting with a guy I work with when he told me this story:

Did I tell you I saw a guy trapped in our elevator? I was heading out and went to push the button when I look down and see fingers coming out of the elevator. Then I saw a head. The guy looked at me and said "Can you help me?" So then I took the stairs.

After I stopped laughing from the image of fingers coming out of the elevator and a small voice saying "Can you help me?", I managed to ask him if he sought any help for the guy before he went down the stairs and he assured me that he told our receptionist to call someone.

That was the beginning of my thoughts that I should take the stairs. Yesterday the wiseness of that idea was confirmed. I got on the elevator with two guys from my floor:

Guy1: Do you know Adolph?

Guy2: Not really.

Guy1: Well he got stuck on the elevator last week between two floors.

Me: I heard about that! He was sticking his fingers and head out.

Guy1: They didn't get him out for two and a half hours.

TWO AND A HALF HOURS? Are you kidding me? Then my friend at work told me that he heard that the guy got himself out by prying open the doors and jumping UP. PRYING HIMSELF OUT. I about had a heart attack right there. I went home and told B it was only stairs for me from now on. Thank goodness we are on the third floor.

So this morning I went to work chanting "Stairs, stairs, stairs" in my head. Come to find out you can go down the stairs, but not up. They are locked. LOCKED! For our safety or something. Don't they realize that for MY SAFETY I need to access the stairs. It is a conspiracy I tell you. So I have made some ground rules:

• I will not get on the elevator if I even think I might have to pee
• I will not get on the elevator with more than two people
• I will always have my phone with me on the elevator
• I will always use the stairs whenever I can (sometimes people come out when you need to go up - SCORE).
• I will stop thinking about possible problems

I am armed. I am dangerous. I am fearless.

I need to work on the ground floor.

Jersey Shore: Where MTV Kills My Brain Cells and My DVR Conspires Against Me

Have you watched MTV's latest show, Jersey Show? If not, you should. Yes, it will feel like you are losing brain cells at a rapid pace, but it will entertain you. Apparently I am late to this train as the show debuted last week with a two hour episode. Lucky for me, however, I have a husband that likes to stay on top of the latest trends and he DVR'd it. Even luckier, I happened to walk into the room in the middle of his viewing. I was transfixed for the next hour. I then ran upstairs to watch the newest episode and to set my DVR to record the entire season. I think I could watch this show on repeat for 24 hours a day, it is so ridiculous. Every viewing brings a new gem. Here are some things I found hilarious/sad/funny/pathetic/intriguing:

• Mike "The Situation" - I still do not understand his nickname, even when it was explained to me. However, it does lend itself to funny sentences such as when the host of the live after show said "Is it okay if I call you Mike? I am not comfortable with The Situation." Ha! Get it?
• All of the boys look the same with various degrees of less attractiveness. That sentence makes about as much sense as The Situation, but if you watch the show you will know exactly what I mean.
• Snickers (real nickname Snooki - but the boys were calling her snickers and it stuck with me) is quickly becoming my favorite character despite the fact that she looked like Barney Rubble in a dress the other day.
• Sometimes I cannot understand a word that is being said.
• What kind of nickname is "JWOWW"? Why the extra "W"? Even better, she uses that when being introduced to people. Side note: From now I am going to be known as DBADD. I will even use it in Court: "Good morning your Honor, DBADD appearing on behalf of the defendant." The other side will shake in their boots.
• Even though all of the girls on the show have made out with all of the boys and some of the girls, they think all other girls the guys pick up are skanks/sluts/whores.
• One guy is always without a shirt. In fact he ran home from the bar because he was "angry" and between reaching the stairs and opening the door, he had taken off his shirt.
• Another guy let a girl take off his shirt in the bar while they were dancing. She then felt ill and left the bar WITH HIS SHIRT. He mysteriously was wearing another one.
• Later, that same guy and girl made out. Actually, HE made out with her as she laid there looking like she was going to pass out. He then inexplicably showed her his penis. It was pierced. She has a boyfriend.
• She had a boyfriend.
• She also has the biggest, most massive fake breasts ever. When she declared "the tits are coming out tonight", she did not lie. She wore the tiniest strips of material that made B and I ponder how much double sided tape was involved.
• Another girl had a boyfriend who got mad that she was living with a bunch of boys so he broke up with her. He is married.
• Snickers has been wanting to have sex since she arrived. She found a friend in a bar and declared him a SURE THING. She brought him home and he puked on her floor. She kicked him out after ordering him to clean it up. She then walked him home. Such a gentleman.
• Some guy got pink eye and showed everyone. The other guy lamented about how contagious it is "you can even get it FROM THE AIR!" Um, wouldn't we all have pink eye then? He also lamented that the guy got it from sticking his face in some girl's @$$.
• Pink eye guy did dive between some woman's legs while "dancing" at the bar after declaring that he liked all women, fat, old or ugly. I am sure that woman feels blessed.

My summary, however, is nothing compared to this cartoon clip I found on You Tube:

Since I first saw this on Thursday, my DVR has taped it EVERY SINGLE DAY. I am not even kidding. I came home Friday at 6 pm and wondered what the DVR was taping - Jersey Shore. I heard the DVR click on Saturday at 2 pm and was puzzled - Jersey Shore. Then on Sunday around noon I noticed the taping light - Jersey Shore! And all were the first episode. This is despite the fact that I told it to only tape NEW episodes.

It's a conspiracy. A guido* conspiracy.

*I assure you that I only use that term because it is used every 5 seconds in the show. In fact, I was not even aware of the term guidette. Now I know. Now you know.

This Means War! a/k/a Battle of the Mags & Rags

Speaking of wars, Marie Claire and I are at war. She sends me multiple invoices in different variations of names and prices. I then cancel them all with large and angry strokes of then pen and then order the magazine from an online retailer for a very cheap price.

This is war! I wonder who will win?

In other news, I really need to start reading the magazines I have. It has become a problem. Take a look:

Yep. And I even cleaned some of them out last month. They just keep coming. And I keep not reading them. Then I find deals on other magazines I want to read. And those come. And I don't read them. Then my Mom gives me some. Sometimes I read them.

Hell, how do I even know how to work my computer? Do I even know how to work my computer? Who knows. I haven't read the magazine since 2008.

I am even having trouble paring them down. At first I said nothing before the first of the year. Yes I have magazines from November of 2008 but I think (a) I like the topic/actor/actress/person it mentions and want to read about it/him/her, or (b) this is a good magazine, I just need to read it.

You can see where that has gotten me.

In my defense, it is easier to catch up in the fall when there are a lot of TV shows on with commercials. I am one to let the commercials play and catch up on my reading in the process. Now, in the summer, the only show I am watching is True Blood and there are no commercials! Damn them! And thank them! True Blood with commercials would be torture. But maybe I would get some reading done.

What do you think? Toss or know one day I will eventually read?

Or wait until the magazines start to spill out from that table and force me to do something about them?

I am sure you know where my answer lies.

Any True Blood Lovers Out There?

I am getting ready to watch the latest episode of True Blood tonight and it got me wondering, are there any True Blood fans out there in my blogland?

Better yet, have any of you read the Sookie Stackhouse series that the show is based on?

Anyone?

If you can answer yes to any of the above, come share my latest obsession with me!

Oh, and more Eric please.

You May Call Me the Queen of Horror and Open Letter to CBS

Have you been watching Harper's Island?

If not, you have been missing out. The series finale was last night and not only was it exciting, tense, and sometimes puzzling, but...

it also proved that I am the Queen of Horror.

You see, for those who did not follow it, Harper's Island was a 13-episode show involving a group of childhood friends and their families going back to Harper's Island for a wedding of one of the couples. However, for one girl in particular, Abby, it was her first return to the island since a serial killer killed 6 people and strung them from trees, including Abby's mother. The series promised that one or more main characters would be killed each episode and it did not disappoint. It also hinted that the killer was among them. The characters began falling "one by one" in each episode (as the creepy child sang in the beginning) while viewers tried to decide who was the killer and/or killers. It was going to be like a mini horror movie spread out over a season and wrapped up at the end. You know I like me some horror movies.

I named a suspect on the Daemon's TV forums around the 5th episode. (Note: if you follow the link you will learn the plot and the name of the killer). I declared the person the killer numerous times again here, and here, and here. It turns out I am right, so I thereby anoint myself Queen.

For those of you who have not yet seen it and plan to watch it, I will not spoil it for you here.

For those of you who HAVE seen it and want to discuss it and the end, leave a comment! (Note: Comments may contain spoilers.)

And for those of you that like talking about and dissecting shows, go to Daemon's TV. It's a great site that has write ups on all of the current and upcoming shows and no, I am not paid to say that. I am currently following the True Blood reviews. Yes, I am a nerd.

And, now, an open letter to CBS:

Dear CBS:

Thank you for adding Harper's Island to your lineup. More importantly, thank you for seeing it through to the end. I know that it was quite the ratings disappointment which prompted you to move it to Saturday nights, but I, for one, am so happy you decided to run all 13 episodes for those loyal viewers. In fact, I believe those loyal viewers may have turned on more people to the show with each new episode.

There is nothing more disappointing than watching a series with an arc or mystery and getting invested in the characters, only to have the network drop it in the middle due to poor ratings and leaving the regular viewer with no answer, resolution or closure. Yes, Reunion* and FOX** I am looking at you!!***

So, for hanging in until the end....CBS, I thank you.

Dani

*Reunion was another mystery show about high school classmates, one of whom which was murdered, who reunite for their 20 year reunion and you had to piece together the puzzle of the murder and who you thought the killer was. They even waited until around the 5th or 6th episode to name the victim.

**FOX would be the network that, unlike CBS, decided to just cancel the show after disappointing ratings leaving viewers such as myself saying "WTF?" and "I hate you FOX". Well, maybe just me.

***I am still bitter over the whole thing.

I Was a Rock Star Groupie Once

I have always loved musicians. Mostly I think it is their creativity and their ability to make music that people listen to and love. My heart really belongs to singers and songwriters though. When I hear a well crafted lyric, I swoon. It is no wonder, then, that I was a groupie for a while.

So now you are thinking I have wonderful stories to tell a la Almost Famous. Sorry to disappoint you, but my stories are not that glamorous and involve more driving than sex or drugs (as my Mom thanks the Lord and crosses herself). They do not involve touring the country on a bus with the band while living in a fantasy love affair with the guitarist. I loved that movie too though. Sigh.

Anyway, my stories are grittier and in most cases, more boring. Take a gander:

1. There was the time that I met Nelson. Don't know who Nelson is? Long blond haired twin rockers? No? Anyway, they were touring with Cinderella and some other hard rocking 90s glam rock band. My mom's friend knew a guy that worked the venue, my cousin and I threw his name around and the next thing you know, we were watching the concert from backstage. Albeit, it was the last song but still a rocking good time. And when I got cold, the roadie gave me a jacket. I then had to give it back.

2. I met Nelson again, up close and personal this time. The day after the last time. Yes, the roadie guys we met invited us to their next show a few cities away. Yes, a road trip. In our car - my cousin and I. Really not Almost Famous at all. This encounter involved watching a rehearsal where Nelson threw guitar picks at us, a meet and greet where we got our picture taken, front row seating to the concert and hanging with the roadies on the bus where I was asked to show ID (that would SO not happen in Almost Famous). My cousin, the underage one, however, was not. (That will show you Nelson roadies - we pulled a fast one on you!) This also prompted a picture with the roadies that my Dad later deemed to be "inappropriate" because he thought the one guy's hand was on my boob. Yes, because it is always my goal to show my father a picture of a guy holding my boob. This also prompted a decade long pen pal/friendship with the roadie. Wherever you are Louie, you rock!

3. Ratt was in town. Ratt is my favorite band. I hope I do not lose readers now. I know it is cheesy and bad, but I cannot help it. Same venue, same venue guy. Sadly, he could not get us back stage so he did the next best thing - he gave us the name of the hotel that the band was staying at and off we went. What we hoped to accomplish is anyone's guess. We got to the hotel and I was inches away from Stephen Pearcy - inches!! As we all headed into the hotel, wise security personnel seeing a gaggle of miniskirted big haired girls decided they needed to be carded. And just like that, it ended. We were not 21. Stephen Pearcy tried his best, exclaiming "These are ALL my girlfriends," but the security personnel did not care. As we left, circling the hotel, we saw a girl trying to sneak into a side door only to find it was locked. She wailed out to us as we drove by "but I will be 21 in just a couple of daysssssss." We felt her pain.

4. The Danzig disaster. Not that Danzig was a disaster, he was cool. The rest of the trip? Not so much. Yep, another road trip down a state or two to see Metallica, Danzig and whomever else was playing. To make a LONG story short - our ride was insane and after being pulled over for speeding would only drive 30 miles per hour. It took us HOURS to get there and we missed most of the show. Finagling our way back stage one at a time (um, for some reason our connection could only get one back stage pass), we ended up hanging with some roadies and then heading to the hotel to catch up with them and the band. The "band" ended up being Danzig. Next thing I know, I am stuck in a hotel room with five blonds and a guy (no idea why he was there) all waiting for Danzig who had made an appearance moments prior. After 20 insane minutes with screeching and mind numbing conversation, I realized my cousin had deserted me. So off I went to find her. Yeah, I found her in Danzig's room having a nice quiet conversation (no, really it WAS a conversation) with him. Total down to earth, cool guy that seemed bemused at the gaggle of girls I had left behind. No matter how cool he was, it did not make up for the four hour ride home while sitting in the middle of a two seater manual truck making conversation with a former enemy to ensure she didn't crash the car due to lack of sleep while my cousin snored beside me. Ah memories...

Which all brings me to today. I was at Potbelly's grabbing some lunch when I heard a version of a song that sounded really cool. Ten minutes later I realized that it was being played live by a guy in the corner who could sing REALLY good. That's when I remembered I love musicians.

As I left I turned and the guy looked straight at me and sang to me. My stomach jumped and for a moment I was transported back to earlier times and those rock star memories and thought "he looked at ME, the singer looked at ME!"

Then I looked at the short, very young, dorky guy behind the microphone, turned and walked out, closing the door, and those groupie days, behind me.

Live Twittering of the Oscars...Kind of

As I did for the Golden Globes, I decided that once again I would join my fellow twitterers and tweet the Oscars live. That is until I got locked out. Angry would be putting it mildly. Enjoy the highlights of my observations on Oscar night!

Right off the start, a quote from an Oscar nominee:

"if you have a mind and a brain?" Aren't those the same thing? 

6:59 PM Feb 22nd from web

The weird football like play of fashion, complete with drawings on screen:

The football like drawings on her legs is kind of creepy 

7:00 PM Feb 22nd from web

Is that woman in the background with the sparkly dress GLARING at this woman? Girl I don't see you being nominated for an Oscar 

7:01 PM Feb 22nd from web

not preparing a speech is now considered "organic"? 

7:02 PM Feb 22nd from web

well that is kind of rude "I heard you wanted this REALLY badly. How badly did you want it?" Way to make him sound desperate Ryan

7:03 PM Feb 22nd from web

Ryan will provide me with plenty of fodder I can see 

7:03 PM Feb 22nd from web

Yes, Ryan - Leo and Kate only exist in the movie Titanic. Good lord 

7:04 PM Feb 22nd from web

maybe we can get another creepy shot of Heidi's leg 

7:04 PM Feb 22nd from web

I really like Heidi's hair even though it doesn't look like she did anything to it 

7:05 PM Feb 22nd from web

"Red from the live carpet right here...." good job Ryan

7:10 PM Feb 22nd from web

I think he is saying that even though SJP could do no wrong, she did some wrong. Well you are wrong 

7:11 PM Feb 22nd from web

Mickey Rourke tries to distract us from his face by his hair and outfits. Um, not working 

7:11 PM Feb 22nd from web

SJP look like a princess 

7:11 PM Feb 22nd from web

now THAT is a statement necklace Amy Adams. Love it 

7:12 PM Feb 22nd from web

"freeze that right there" - it is LIVE. oh boy

7:12 PM Feb 22nd from web

RDJ will not win for Tropic Thunder. And he was good. You cannot beat a ghost RDJ. Even if you are RDJ 

7:14 PM Feb 22nd from web

WTF? How pure is Amy Adams? Ryan is an asshole with these questions 

7:14 PM Feb 22nd from web

This isn't charades Ryan. Learn to ask a question and not put them on the spot. Amy Adams has done more than 2 movies 

7:15 PM Feb 22nd from web

RPatts hair is just wrong. It is in the in between stage and is just wrong 

7:16 PM Feb 22nd from web

Okay Matthew Broderick's hair is WAY crazier than Rpatts. What happened to this man? 

7:18 PM Feb 22nd from web

Ryan wishes Seth was fighting his way toward him 

7:19 PM Feb 22nd from web

apparently there is absolutely nothing else to discuss with Seth Rogan other than his weight loss? Movies anyone? 

7:20 PM Feb 22nd from web

way to know about the stars you are interviewing Ryan. Marisa has had 3 nominations and 1 win. Not just My cousin Vinnie 

7:26 PM Feb 22nd from web

Ryan is a star stalker. Really. 

7:27 PM Feb 22nd from web

that was an awkward shake your hand, do a gang sign, college frat boy maneuver with Mickey Rourke 

7:28 PM Feb 22nd from web

how is it ironic to have your dog die when you are nominated for an award? Explain 

7:28 PM Feb 22nd from web

I love Diane Lane. So gorgeous But I always think of her on the staircase in that movie Unfaithful 

7:30 PM Feb 22nd from web

For once I think Jessica Biel looks hot. Okay, maybe twice 

7:32 PM Feb 22nd from web

I wish Ron Howard had more hair. He still has such a baby face. Adorable 

7:33 PM Feb 22nd from web

Run Marion! Ryan might be a stalker 

7:34 PM Feb 22nd from web

I would have never recognized Peter Gabriel. I still love his songs though 

7:35 PM Feb 22nd from web

Ryan is lucky she is wearing a perfume. Otherwise he would just be creepy. Oh wait! He still is 

7:36 PM Feb 22nd from web

I wonder if Evan Rachel Wood is going to avoid Mickey lest the rumours of their wicked affair reignite 

7:37 PM Feb 22nd from web

Please stop screaming. Please - it is just Brad and Angie. They DON'T KNOW YOU! 

7:38 PM Feb 22nd from web

Ryan "tell me about your movie" which really means, I will interrupt you one second after you begin to talk 

7:43 PM Feb 22nd from web

What the heck is up with that hat Philip Seymour Hoffman? You look more than ridiculous! 

7:43 PM Feb 22nd from web

Marion thinks Ryan is an idiot. You are not alone Marion. 

7:44 PM Feb 22nd from web

quick poll - will Brad and Angelina 1 avoid Ryan, 2 be rude to Ryan, or be 3 be nice to Ryan. Hard to decide  [Note: #3 for Brad and #1 for Angie]

7:45 PM Feb 22nd from web

who was Angelina leading around just now? Certainly wasn't Brad for once

7:48 PM

stop with predictions. I want more dresses! 

7:54 PM Feb 22nd from web

What was that? Did Brad blow Ryan off and why was it not aired? 

7:58 PM Feb 22nd from web

RDJ cannot stand Ryan, can you tell? 

7:59 PM Feb 22nd from web

maybe ABC will do better with the red carpet. Hi HDTV I love you 

8:01 PM Feb 22nd from web

I cannot imagine calling Anthony Hopkins "tony" it doesn't seem to fit 

8:05 PM Feb 22nd from web

no brush off by Brad and Angelina on this channel. What does that tell you Ryan? 

8:06 PM

I didn't understand a word Valentino just said. I may have been sleeping 

8:10 PM Feb 22nd from web

Mickey just spit on his own lip. Kind of gross. Story about Loki? endearing 

8:12 PM Feb 22nd from web

Zac - slicked back hair. NOT GOOD. You look greasier than Mickey Rourke. Really. 

8:13 PM Feb 22nd from web

Miley has quite the deep voice. Opposite of her dress 

8:15 PM Feb 22nd from web

Sometimes Anne Hathaway is pretty, other times not so much. It is always puzzling to me 

8:16 PM Feb 22nd from web

I bet those briefcases are empty. Like half of the people I work with 

8:20 PM Feb 22nd from web

oh no. I do not like the bottom of Marisa's gown. No to pleats - just say NO! 

8:24 PM Feb 22nd from web

James Franco didn't look so happy giving that standing ovation

8:38 PM Feb 22nd from web

yes Mickey looks great. not at all creepy and disturbing 

8:40 PM Feb 22nd from web

perhaps open the curtains BEFORE the montage begins? 

8:41 PM Feb 22nd from web

I like these five past winners announcing nominees 

8:44 PM Feb 22nd from web

I get the feeling that if it is not about RDJ, RDJ is bored 

8:45 PM Feb 22nd from web

Goldie - your boobs need to be controlled. Really. You are not your daughter's age! 

8:46 PM Feb 22nd from web

I have no idea who will win best supporting actress 

8:47 PM Feb 22nd from web

WHAT? that does not seem right. Not right Penelope 

8:47 PM Feb 22nd from web

8:50 p.m. THE moment we have been waiting for Jen Aniston. Will she give angelina the stink eye? 

8:51 p.m. they don't even have pretty girls handing out Oscars. Is that part of the recession? 

8:59 p.m. slam against Scientology. Score 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

9:00 - got locked out of Twitter for updating too much WTF? Since when? It was the Scientologists I know it. they are behind everything and I happened to mention them in one of my tweets.

9:05 how will the world survive without my tweets? I am pissed and told B who laughed at me for 10 minutes straight

9:18 watching the Oscars and seeing others twitter about it makes me sad. So does the boring acceptance speech for Curious Case of Benjamin Button

9:19 so was Hugh Jackman just there for the beginning or what? I haven't seen him since he stopped dancing. Do you think he is somewhere recovering?

9:20 - the Duchess? I wasn't even aware any part of this movie was in the running for anything

9:21 And then it wins for best costume design. I guess all of my predictions were off

9:22 I fell asleep. Acceptance speeches bore me. Where is Jennifer Aniston/Jack Black when you need them? Or Tina Fey/Steve Martin? Anyone?

9:23 That dress makes SJP boobs look huge. I am obsessed with boobs. It is a problem.

9:24 Awww Heath :(

9:24 The Curious Case of Benjamin Button wins for makeup. As it should be. Fantastic job. Never saw the movie but the pics were fantastic.

9:25 By my calculations, I cannot tweet again until 10 pm or after. Still pissed about that

9:25 God Amanda Seyfried has gorgeous hair. RPatts not so much .But he works it.

9:28 Thank God for commercials. I have to pee

9:31 - oh hi Hugh Jackman, where have you been hiding for the past hour or so?

9:31 Ben Stiller - love the Joaquin impersonation. Is Joaquin in the house?

9:35 - dude you are about to give an acceptance speech. Brushing your hair and not curling it oddly to the sides would have been a good idea. You look like you have wings. WINGS

9:38 B's love just came on - Jessica Biel. I repeat, she looks good tonight.

9:40 vented to B about my lack of Twitter (still!) and Penelope winning best supporting actress "boobs always win, especially if they speak spanish." I have no idea what that means.

9:43 how long can the Franco/Rogan high train last before we all get sick of it? Oh, 6 months ago. That's right

9:45 I hope they don't parody their parody. That would be tragic. And not funny.

9:46 i think the only thing Seth knows how to say is "Judd Apatow" I have heard him say it at least three times tonight. He knows where his bread is buttered.

9:47 you would think that someone that goes to college ahem *James Franco* ahem would not intentionally mispronounce the name of a foreign film. Think again.

9:48 black bowtie on black shirt on black suit. Monochromatic to the extreme.

9:53 Another song and dance number with Hugh Jackman. I don't know if I can take it.

9:54 Now it involves Beyonce. It is official - I CANNOT TAKE IT. MAKE IT STOP.

9:55 Wait the Grease song is involved. Just like that, I am back in. Love you Beyonce.

9:55 Twitter lets me back in. Now I just want to ignore it. Bitter much?

9:56 now those High School Musical kids? I am back out. MAKE IT STOP

9:57 wait! Girl from Big Love. Back in

10:00 still mad at Twitter and not tweeting GRRR

10:03 wow that first guy is really short (presenting best supporting actor). And I dont think I know any of these actors. That is sad.

10:05 Okay, I know Cuba Gooding, Jr. Speaking of stroke of genius - having him cover RDJ's Tropical Thunder nomination

10:06 Okay, I know Christopher Walken too. And this guy speaking but not his name. Two out of five isnt that bad

10:08 Of course Heath won. as he should.

10:10 Heath's sister almost made me cry. So moving.

10:16 why is that guy that bolted to the stage wearing that crazy scarf?

10:22 Tom Cruise does commercials now. Is that what it has come to?

10:28 I am totally bored.

and that was the end of my twittering/blogging and watching the Oscars. I did not see Best Actress, Best Actor, or even Best Movie.  Doesn't matter. I predicted correctly - Kate Winslet, Sean Penn, Slumdog Millionaire.

Now where's my prize?

Why B Should Watch More Reality TV

Vegas in Christmas was a lot of fun.  However, with the time change and B and I just being all...old or something, we did spend a couple of hours one day lounging in our bed watching TV before we went downstairs to lose more of our money.  While flipping through the channels, B stumbled upon the Real Housewives of Atlanta reunion show.  Hilarity ensued - both on the show and in B's reaction.  Here is a recap of what occurred:

Upon landing on the channel, they show Kim talking.

B:  That girl has crazy hair.

Me: It is a wig.

B: Are you sure?

Me: Look at it - it doesn't move. And it is shiny. And plastic looking.

B: I don't think it is a wig.

Me: Trust me, it is a wig. In fact, I read somewhere maybe she was sick.

At that moment, in the midst of NeNe* and Kim hashing it out, Kim tells NeNe that she was hurt that NeNe made fun of her hair and said something like this (totally not word for word, just by memory):

Kim: It really hurt me when you made fun of my hair because I had cancer.

NeNe: I did not know you had cancer until this minute. I am sorry. I did not know.

Host: So, you have cancer.

Kim: Well I wasn't feeling good, and my hair started falling out...

B (yelling at screen): YOUR HAIR DOESN'T FALL OUT FROM CANCER. IT FALLS OUT FROM CHEMO.

Me: Are you going to be okay?

B: Really, this girl is nuts.

Meanwhile, back on TV:

Kim: ...and I went to the doctor and it turned out it wasn't that, it was something else...

Host: So you don't have cancer...?

Kim: No, but I am sick.

Host: Well, what is it.

Kim: It is something different, not cancer, but complicated. I don't want to talk about it.

NeNe: {silent but looking aghast}

Meanwhile, on the bed next to me:

B: WHAT??? She doesn't have cancer? WHAT??

Me: Are you going to be okay?

B: This bitch is nuts!** She just totally made that woman apologize for making fun of her hair because she had cancer and SHE DOESN'T HAVE CANCER.

Me: I know. That is funny.

B: That is INSANE.  And now she is acting like she has some other illness.  She is not sick. There is nothing wrong with her.

Me: Well, she does have some bad hair.

B did get over his disgust when things got really heated and NeNe decided she was going to TAKE KIM OUT. The only thing stopping her, of course, was that little housewife. Heck I don't even know her name.  B was like "why is the small one the only one holding her back?"  Probably because the others really just don't care.  Man, I love that show.***

B used to be a fan of reality shows and other TV shows, but like all shows, he eventually loses interest but tries to blame it on the show itself by saying it jumped the shark. This would be believable if it didn't happen to EVERY show he watched, usually in the second season.  Here are some examples:

The Hills - B was never a big fan but with the advent of Spencer, he used to sit and watch it with me because he loved what a tool Spencer was.  However, come next season B declared it had jumped the shark because it was too fake.  Huh? It was never all that real.

Lost - B and I faithfully watched it together for the first season. Come next season B declared it had jumped the shark because:

• there were too many TV commercials
• the commercials were too long
• they never explained anything
• they raised too many questions
• it was too hard to follow

However, I have since caught him secretly watching it the next day without commercials and most recently just a few minutes behind me with the DVR.  

The Real World - I would have to say that for our age group, The Real World played a significant part in our young adult lives.  B watched up until around a few seasons ago when he declared it jumped the shark because all they did was drink and have sex. Yes. We call that entertainment.

The Shield - another show we found together and enjoyed watching in bliss until B's declaration of shark jumping in about the third season, although I cannot remember what the reason was for this one.

The Real Housewives of Orange County - yes he watched this and I think he liked it. I forget all of their names now but he knew them and still does.  He may never have stopped on this one for all I know.  In Vegas, I even reminded him of the spinoff Date My Ex with Slade and that one housewife. He didn't believe me even though I told him about it no less than four times before it premiered. Sigh.

You see, B is not so much into reality shows or celebrities. This makes for difficult conversations in our house sometimes, as I am generally a fan of both:

Me: That Jamie Spears is brilliant.  We should send him to Washington to fix things. Heck, if he can fix Britney, what can't he do?

B: How did she fix Britney?

Me: What do you mean how did he fix Britney? Um, she has a new album, looks decent, with her kids...

B: Yes, but how did she have time with her new baby...

Me: Who's baby? Wait...what?

B: JAMIE SPEARS

Me: Oh. No. Jamie Spears the DAD not Jamie Spears the sister. Now THAT would be hilarious if the younger teenage sister with a baby could turn around Britney.  That would be something.

B: They are both named Jamie?

Me: Sigh

Or this one where I was watching The Girls Next Door and B happened to wander out:

Me: This is THE one B. This is the one where everything changes.

B: What do you mean?

Me: Where have you been hiding? Hef isn't dating them anymore. Now he has these two twins or something.

B: I KNOW that.

Me: Well, this is the one where he meets the twins.

B: Oh, I thought the twins took over the show and the other girls were no longer on it.

Me: Ha. Please.  That is not going to happen. At least not this year. Get with it.

B: Those girls' parents must be so proud...

He then spouted a whole litany of gripes, grumbles and bad words about how he REALLY feels about The Girls Next Door.

I will leave that to your imagination.

*I do not know if this is how it is spelled and I am too lazy to look it up. Forgive me.

**B may or may not have said "This bitch is nuts!" That could have just been what I was thinking at the time.

***I had only recently discovered this show about a week prior when I went to a party at my friend's house only to discover there were just three of us. Fun was had by all three. Such fun included Wii and Desperate Housewives of Atlanata marathon. And just like that...I was in love.

My First Live Twittering Event..

As you may be aware, last Sunday was the Golden Globes. Yes that was about five days ago. I know I am rather late in getting to it, but it has been a crazy week and I had scheduled posts to ensure that posts happened. So this is late.  Of course that means I had to go back on twitter to see what the heck I had posted, but I pulled off the following gems for you. 

Let me tell you something...live twittering/blogging is not easy. In fact, I can remember very little from the just over three hour awards show because I was too concerned about commenting.  I give props to those that do it on a regular basis (especially people like Andy that save me from having to actually watch the show. I mean besides Andy, who is actually watching Bromance? Jenny?).

So here, without further adieu are actual tweets from that night. Explanations are offered in brackets:

8:06 p.m. okay, Sting looks kind of crazy

8:09 p.m. Springsteen, however, still hot

8:09 p.m. @Catherinette agreed about Mickey. He sure looks that part - washed up wrestler

8:17 p.m. I didn't see this movie, should I? [in reference to The Wrestler]

8:18 p.m. Simon Baker must be short because we all know Eva is and he does not appear to be that much taller than she

8:23 p.m. Who is Demi calling? Her whole family is at the Globes

8:25 p.m. Don Cheadle looks different without hair

8:29 p.m. DEXTER - yes [right before win announced]

8:30 p.m. NOOOOO - He isn't even there to accept. Dexter is THERE. Damn you all! [After someone else won in that category]

8:31 p.m. Okay, at least True Blood won something. All is forgiven. For now. [when Anna Paquin won]

8:33 p.m. Not good hair, Drew. Not good hair. [And what was with the Drew and Jessica Lange love fest? It started when they arrived and continued until they presented and creeped me out!]

8:39 p.m. I don't get the Jonas Brothers phenomenon. I must be old.

8:42 p.m. Rare to see Depp on this side of the pond. Don't I sound so British?

8:52 p.m. I like how Pierce Brosnan appeared to be impressed by Jake #goldenglobes [this is where I decided it would be wise to post to the goldenglobes part of Twitter, only an hour into it]

8:53 p.m. Robert Downey Jr and Brad Pitt at the same table? Yum #goldenglobes

8:56 p.m. not sure I would want to watch a whole movie about hanging chads. Just saying #goldenglobes 

8:56 p.m. Tom does not have time to stop and chat people, he has an award to accept!! #goldenglobes [referring to Tom Hanks trying to get up to the stage while people trying to congratulate him - he practically ran them over]

8:58 p.m. um, how embarrassing. Way to humiliate your daughter Demi. Doesn't she have it bad enough already? #goldenglobes [After Demi took the stage and told Rumer who was a Golden Globe girl, or whatever they are called, to stop hunching. In front of the entire audience. On national TV]

8:58 p.m. RDJ better win!! #goldenglobes [apparently he felt the same way according to some recent blind gossip]

8:58 p.m.a lot of good actors in this category. Forgot about Heath. Damn it! 

8:58 p.m. Of course - go Heath! [a lot happened in this minute]

8:59 p.m. this makes me sad about Heath all over again :( #goldenglobes

9:11 p.m. and John Adams is cleaning house. Never saw it. Of course. #goldenglobes

9:19 p.m. Wow Seth Rogen lost a lot of weight! #goldenglobes

9:22 p.m. I can't just think of David Duchovny the same anymore. All I see is SEX

9:23 p.m. who is the tool that got up and got right in the way of Alec on his way up stage. Could you not have waited a minute to leave your seat ? [Alec Baldwin almost got knocked over on his way up to the stage. And no it wasn't by Tom Hanks]

9:24 p.m.Could those accountants look anymore stiff if they tried? #goldenglobes 

9:28 p.m. WHAT THE HECK Renee? What the heck? Looks SO bad #goldenglobes

9:30 p.m. I almost didn't recognize Megan Fox. She looks...strange. #goldenglobes

9:31 p.m. Why does Terence look so surprised every time Megan speaks? #goldenglobes [he shouldn't have been surprised as they were presenting together. Yet he was. Maybe she wasn't supposed to have any lines?]

9:34 p.m. Love Glenn Close but what the heck is she wearing #goldenglobes

9:44 p.m. Not a big fan of musicals. Except Grease, of course [in reference to Mamma Mia]

9:44 p.m. HI P Diddy, Puff Daddy, Puffy, Sean Paul - what is your name again? #goldenglobes

9:48 p.m. Tina Fey always looks so humble, even just sitting in the audience #goldenglobe

9:49 p.m. my new catch phrase "Good gravy" I love it! [I immediately forgot this was my new catch phrase and haven't used it since]

10:14 p.m. I hate when the presenters shush the audience. It bugs me. #goldenglobes [apparently I missed the big shush by JLo in the beginning. In fact when I saw her I wondered who she was related to, not even realizing she was Jenny from the Block and all]

10:14 p.m. um, someone just cursed. Oops. #goldenglobes

10:18 p.m. nice Spanish accent Sandra #goldenglobes [pronouncing something in Spanish, no doubt]

10:19 p.m. nice slam to the old men Sandra #goldenglobes [slamming really old men for dating/sleeping with really young girls. You go girl! Er, woman...Sandra...]

10:19 p.m. where is James Franco? So Yummy! #goldenglobes [turns out he was studying and getting an education and all. Good for you James. Priorities, friends, priorities. Now back to my mindless dribble...]

10:29 p.m. um, nobody thought that was funny? That was funny #goldenglobes [Guy Ritchie being fired as Madonna's assistant joke? Totally funny. Not boo worthy really. I love you Sascha!]

10:30 p.m. really? Wait, what category are we in ? #goldenglobes

10:31 p.m. huh. Okay

10:38 p.m. LOL Mark is shorter than Cameron! [yes, Mark Wahlberg is short an Cameron is tall, but still funny to see]

10:39 p.m. Okay, she may really lose it this time #goldenglobes [Kate Winslet's second win]

10: 40 p.m. told you she would lose it #goldenglobes. She beat Angelina! [She immediately forgot who Angelina was]

10:40 p.m. how many times does someone win best supporting actress and best actress? #goldenglobes

10:42 p.m. I wonder what her husband thinks about that comment ;) #goldenglobes [upon Kate declaring her undying love for Leo. Or something like that]

10:44 p.m. they should have dressed like their characters. That would have been fun #goldenglobes [when Mad Men won]

10:46 p.m. thank God. I have to pee

10:52 p.m. I mean is this really the same guy from 9 1/2 weeks? #goldenglobes [again dumbfounded by Mickey Rourke. Then dreaming about that movie. Sigh]

10:53 p.m. does he have gold teeth? #goldenglobes [What up Mickey? What up?]

10:54 p.m. the only winner to get the music. #goldenglobes [turns out wouldn't be the only one, just the first]

10:55 p.m. I wonder how late I will be able to stay up and watch this [didn't realize we were at the end]

11:02 p.m. and more music. Gee - it is best picture, can't he talk. We are all up anyway #goldenglobes

11:02 p.m. I made it through the whole thing!! Yay me! #goldenglobes

and finally, a short time later:

11:33 p.m. told my husband I live tweeted the Golden Globes and he asked if that was boxing. Love him!

*Yes, I knew absolutely nothing about the movies, had not seen most of them, and most of my tweets were about the appearance of people on stage. Shallow? Yes. Fun? Most definitely.  See you at the next award show!