Friday, August 29, 2008

Let's Talk About Fish

Well, seafood to be exact. I love me some seafood. Shrimp, crab legs, lobster butt* - you name it and I am probably down with it. This even includes calamari.

Lately, I have been hob snobbing** with clients and partners at lunch. It is a recent development which involves fine dining and a lot of food. To say I am on board with this development is an understatement. In fact, my Mom recently asked if all I do now is lunch. No, silly Mom. I also ponder about lunch, relax after lunch, tell others about my lunch. I do SO much more than actual lunching.

In any event, at a few of these lunches we have had calamari. Fried calamari. If you have had calamari a/k/a squid you know that it doesn't have that much taste and is kind of chewy. But if you fry those bad boys - can you say YUM?*** Fried calamari it is. Well one day, I made the mistake of cutting my calamari. The piece was too big and I was trying to be all dainty and crap (fine dining and all). That is when I saw that my calamari is actually squid!! (Yes, I knew all along it was squid but was able to disguise my knowledge with the fried batter). I almost stopped eating right then. It is one thing to eat squid blindly oblivious to the fact that it is a squid then it is to actually look at the squid while about to digest it. Think about it. Instead, I decide to close my eyes, pop it in my mouth and go back to blind oblivion.

Which brings us to the other day. We were out at another lunch when one of the people I was with, who is also on a rather strict diet (i.e. no fried food), decided he might want some calamari. He asked them to prepare it without frying it. I am not sure what it involved, maybe stir fry in a wine sauce or something? What came to the table was. . .


I am not kidding. He proceeded to eat a big bowl of squid with a spoon. I almost lost it. There was no disguise, no oblivion. Just squid and all of its tentacles looking right at you. Going right in his mouth by the spoonful. Do not try to visualize this. You will not like the picture. So, what did I do? Oh, I used my recently perfected weapon that I call the Barbie Doll. I plaster a sincere smile on my face and an interested look while completely blanking out and emptying my head. No one is the wiser. Because, believe me, there is no closing your eyes on that one. For when they open again, there is still a big bowl of squid with a spoon. And that ain't a pretty picture my friends.

*lobster butt is a term that B and I coined while on the John Tesh cruise - that is a story for a different time.

**hob snobbing is a word I made up from hobnobbing and the picture of snobs while fine dining - aren't I clever? Just so we are clear, the people I dine with are not snobs. I just like the way that sounds.

***what isn't yummy fried? Seriously, someone please tell me so I can eat less fried food!

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Wanna Go For a Ride?

Take a look at my super cool new bike! You like? Let me tell you the story here.  This is a $450 Felt cruiser bike.  It is also an exact replica of the first Harley Davdison motorcycle made in 1903. Don't believe me? Look it up.  Apparently the first motorcycle was a bike with a motor on it (go figure!).  Guess what I paid for this bad boy? NOTHING!  I won it.  How fab is that?

I have been wanting a bike for a while and I really wanted a cruiser.  My idea of the perfect bike ride is cruising around. I don't want to mess around with gears and all that nonsense.  So I have been telling everyone who will listen (mostly B and whether he actually listened is debatable) that I want a cruiser bike.  It was a want though, not a need.  Because of that, I did not give it much thought except when entering contests.  Even then, it was not always on my mind.

Case in point - this contest.  It was an instant win contest (meaning you instantly know if you win something - pretty accurate descrption, right?).  The grand prize was a car and I entered my information not remembering it was an instant win when suddenly it announced I had won first prize.  I was not excited at first because I thought it was a bottle of tea or something (the sponsor was a tea company).  I IM'd my mom and it went something like this:

Me:  I just won first prize in an instant!
Mom:  Woo hoo! What is it?
Me:  I dont know. I think it is a bottle of tea.
Me: Wait. What is a Felt bike?
Me: OH MY GOD - I won a bike!
Me: I won a bike!
Mom:  What? I was just entering that contest for your Dad! You stole his bike!

Indeed I did.  At that time I had no clue what the bike would look like. B told me it was going to be a "granny bike" and would point out every insane person on an old looking bike and say "that will be you."  Smart ass.

When I picked that beauty up I could not believe my eyes. It is so gorgeous and so retro.  This lady in the shop was eyeing it but then I gave her the evil eye and she left.  After I brought it home, I took it for a whirl in our parking lot and declared it "the best win ever" which is probably not true, but it sure is fun.

Downside - it weighs a lot. We are on a second floor condo.  Doubt I will be lugging that thing up and down the stairs too much.  Doubt B will be willing to lug it up and down too much either.  

But I will ride.  I will ride.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

The Worst Kept Secret

So, B says to me one day after glancing at one of my 3 billion celebrity rags:

B: Lindsay Lohan is gay?

Me: Um, yeah where have you been?

B: Since when?

Me: Months?

B: Why wasn't I informed IMMEDIATELY?

Me:  Because you don't like it when I send you emails, especially about celebrities and you don't bother to read them?

Apparently, he only cares about celebrities if they have been discovered to be hitting for the other team.

Also, when asked why he never wants to read my blog he said "I don't have to read it. . . I live it everyday."

Yes you do, B.  And that is why I love you.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Mrs. Fix-It

We got a new dishwasher and were all excited.  Everything was going great until the other day. When the dishes were done I noticed the tab was in a glob at the bottom of the dishwasher and the dishes were not clean. I tell B.  He says "figure it out."  Thanks.  I put in a new tab, ran it again - same thing.  Then I was truly puzzled.  I decided that perhaps I did not make the water hot enough by running the tap before I washed (that is what the book said to do anyway when I first read it). So I do that - but, again, same thing.  Now I am puzzled and angry and decide to wait until the next day to do something.

So the next day at work I googled the dishwasher and perused all of the problems and fixes. I believed I had found the problem and the solution. So , I went home, did what the instructions said, and washed again.  Same thing - the tab was a glob at the bottom.  B was no help.  He had decided that I needed to fix something for once or blah, blah, blah. I wasn't really listening after I heard the part about not helping me.  I asked him where the @@##@%#$ book to the dishwasher was and went chasing after it.

The book is not that large.  As I skimmed through it, thinking at that point, it was NOT going to help me solve this unsolvable puzzle, there it was ~ the answer.  If the dishwashing tab does not completely dissolve, make sure there is not a dish or a pan blocking the door.  I opened the dishwasher and immediately saw the offending baking pan. I partly closed the door - yes! - it WAS blocking the door.   I squealed in victory!  And then cried in defeat. I am an idiot!!  I had spent two days and 4 tabs on a problem that was quite literally staring me in the eye.  So what did I do?

Declare to B - "Problem solved."  When asked how I solved it, I said I just read the book.  Shhh - he'll never know. After all, I did fix it myself, right?

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Meet Mooch

Meet Mooch ~ the original cat of the household. He was here long before Chester was a thought in my head. Mooch was handpicked by B from some crazy place on the side of the freeway in the downtown "D" (I just heard about this recently). Chester, on the other hand came from some farm at the top of the lower peninsula or something like that. I am fuzzy on the details.

Anyway, B and Mooch ruled the pad until I came along. I think Mooch probably looks back fondly on those days. Mooch and I have a love-hate relationship which probably stems from the fact that he behaves like a petulant 3 year old. And if I scold him? He immediately comes rubbing up on me and purring to make things right. Oh, I am on to you Moochie. B finds the two of us hilarious because there have been more than a few days that he has come home to me saying "Mooch and I are fighting again." Don't think Mooch does not understand English because he does, he will just, in typical cat-like fashion, simply ignore you and your instructions.

Mooch's favorite thing to do is, well, mooch. He was actually quite aptly named. If you are eating he is immediately on you being nosy. I am not even sure that he would actually eat what you are eating unless it involves milk or fish. There is no stopping him if I have a bowl of cereal or an ice cream cone. Then he is my best friend, of course!

What else does Mooch like? Lying in the sun (he will actually move with the little sun spots), sleeping with us under the covers (but only in the winter when its cold), crying out the screen door for B when he is outside, laying in his fur lined box in the closet, giving me love bites when I pet him, and beating up Chester. Although Mooch is half the size of Chester (okay, who am I kidding? That was only true when we first got him) *ahem* smaller then Chester, and despite the fact that Mooch does not have any front claws, he regularly beats Chester up. Chester the tiger with ALL of his claws will cower to Mooch. Mooch also likes to walk up to the bowl Chester is eating out of and "take it away" by sticking his face in it. He is a bully that one! He can also be the sweetest cat ever such as when he curls up all warm and cozy next to you or on your belly and purrs away.

(Actually Mooch likes ALL boxes)

That is Mooch in a nutshell. The first picture? That is the look when he is either (a) stalking something, or (b) surprised because you caught him doing something bad. (Usually it is him being bad). The picture down below? That is what he does when you try to take his picture. That is why there are way more pictures of Chester than there are of Mooch. (Although they both recognize the sound of the camera and will immediately stop whatever cute thing they are doing when they hear it).

Here are both the boys in a quiet minute in which they decided they liked each other:

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Mistaken Identity

Three times now, I have been mistaken for someone else.  First I received this text message the other day:

Hi, it's michelle from work. Do you want to babysit tonight?

There are no michelles at my work.  Even if there were, they certainly wouldn't be texting me with that question because they would probably get the same response this michelle did ~ silence.  It is not that I do not like children. I do. However, I do not like them enough to watch someone from my office's spawn. Um, I'll pass.  I wonder if michelle is now mad at the person because she thought the person ignored her call?  

Second mistake and one that was a tad bit more annoying came at 11:52 p.m. on a school night! I wake up to B hitting me repeatedly.  At first I thought he was having one of his "dreams" where someone is "out to get him," however when I finally, groggily, say "WHAT?," he tells me that my phone is ringing. Sure enough it is.  I jump on it envisioning emergencies in light of recent events.  The phone number is unfamiliar. I decide to wait to see if a message is left. No message.  No return phone call.  Hence, no emergency.  The following morning I reverse lookup the number. A local landline. I find out the person's name, address, phone number and spouse's name.  After contemplating whether I should give Sharon and Steve a taste of their own medicine the following night at 2 a.m. , I immediately forget their information and move on (that is until B asked me if I got a booty call last night.  Really? A booty call. Although flattered I am, those days have passed).

Finally, on my old email account that I only check about once a month lately, I started getting these random emails from missy.  They were forwarded jokes. Not spam.  No links.  Just jokes clearly intended for a friend.  And I got the impression missy thought she knew me or that I wanted her jokes. At first it was once a week, but when it became multiple times a day, I decided to contact missy and see what was up. Here was our conversation:

Email from me:  Hi.  Do we know each other? I have been getting emails and jokes from you but I am not sure who you are.

Email from missy:  I am sorry. I have the wrong address.  I thought you were my friend and found out this morning.  I will take you out of my address book. I feel stupid and all of my friends are laughing at me.

Poor thing.  Missy, I feel for you.  You are not the first, nor probably the last to mistake me for someone else.  And your mistake was the least intrusive of the three.

Friday, August 22, 2008

Am I Boring You?

So, I am at my computer early in the morning before going to the office doing my "important" daily things such as checking email, entering contests, reading my blogs on Google Reader, when I hear a faint noise.  It sounds like snoring!  I lean closer to my computer and discover my computer is snoring!!  What the heck??  I look around puzzled like there is someone in the room that can answer why my computer is snoring.  What does that mean? What have I done? Have I bored my computer with my actions? Can computers even get bored?  All of this is flashing through my head when I discover:

An ad for mattresses on one of the web pages that I have open. Mystery solved.  My computer has not grown tired of me...yet.*

*and I hope dear readers, all 3 of you, that you have not grown bored with my posts as few and far between as they have been.  I have scheduled posts for this whole next week, so keep coming back. 

Thursday, August 14, 2008

With a Little Help From My Friends

By popular demand*, here are the other bobbles in my collection:

That is some Dodger player and Curtis Granderson from the Tigers. They stand together on my book case shelf holding down some important law journals. Of special note - while I was taking this picture, a partner walked by. He is probably still pondering why I was photographing my book case.

Next up:

That would be Dwight from The Office holding court on my desk. Often I and my office buddy will ask Dwight questions and see what his thoughts are. Inveitably he agrees with everything we say. Also, do not be alarmed - I do not have blank business cards. I did not realize until I got home that my full name, address and all contact info was visible in the picture. Not sure I care to publicize those details. So, thanks to iPhoto, it looks like my firm paid a lot of money for blank cards. Hmmm...maybe I should have edited in something witty. I will have to work on that.

*hi Jenny!

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Bobblehead Nation

Behold the latest addition to my bobblehead collection thanks to B*.  Can you believe he won this fantabulous set?  It all started with my fantastic win of preview tickest for the movie Tropic Thunder (which B wanted to see really bad).  We were excited and waiting for the movie to start.  B starts talking about the credits and Tom Cruise's appearance in the film.  Then someone from a local radio station starts saying he was going to give away these fantabulous bobblehead sets.  I immediately demand B to "win me one of those!"  He did not disappoint.  As luck would have it, the fourth question was about Tom Cruise's appearance in the film.  B's hand shot up immediately and I loudly exclaimed "you rock!" to B when the DJ said he won.  

These will look lovely in my office with my three other bobbleheads.  My first bobblehead came from our trip to LA and Dodger's Stadium. It was bobblehead night.  I put that one on my book shelf.  The second came courtesy of my cousin at my wedding shower, perhaps inexplicably to the guests, but not so much to me.  It is Dwight from The Office. He holds court on my desk. The third one is a Tigers baseball player from our very own bobblehead night.  People like my bobbleheads. They come in my office, flick their little heads, and say things like "you have a lot of bobbleheads."  Ha! They ain't seen nothin' yet.

Side view of bobbles courtesy of B:

*I do plan on removing them from their casing and lining them up somewhere in my office, but the case makes for easy transport.

**To all of my adoring fans {ahem} Jenny {ahem}, I will try to post more often.

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