Flashback Friday: It's Never Too Dark to Wear Shades

When I was a small child in middle school, we made a time capsule. Okay, I wasn't small. It was 1984 or 1985 so I was about 12 or 13. In any event, we filled out a piece of paper that, today, would be considered a meme on the internet. It had information about us, what we liked, what was happening that year, etc. The goal, I believe, was to open it the next year. My memory is actually fuzzy on the specifics.

You know who's memory is not fuzzy? My mom's memory. That woman is as sharp as a tack, whatever that means. One time I mentioned the time capsule and she reminded me what I put in it. Yes, she remembered after all of those years. I wish she had forgotten.

Apparently, I wrote that my favorite song of all time - ALL TIME - was Corey Hart's "I Wear My Sunglasses at Night."

Wait...what?

I must have banged my head as a child. However, for your listening and reading pleasure, below is a video from You Tube complete with lyrics. Check this gem out:

Now I am kind of confused about some of they lyrics. Let's start with these:

And I wear my sunglasses at night, so I can, so I can

Keep track of visions in my eyes

Honestly, that may be the only part of the lyrics that make some sort of sense to me. I mean if you are wearing sunglasses it blocks everything from your sight so you can only see the visions in your eyes (or head). Wait? Sunglasses only cut down on glare? They don't make you blind? Well, there goes that theory.

Now about these lyrics:

Don't switch the blade in the guy in shades, oh no

Don't masquerade with the guy in shades, oh no, I can't believe it

'Cause you got it made with the guy in shades, oh no

Before I discuss these, I want to note that I believe this song is a love song. Don't believe me? Just take another look at that last line "you got it made with a guy in shades." Sounds like a love tune to me.

However, I am not quite sure what "don't switch the blade" means? Is there a knife involved? Is this a song about domestic violence? Also, I think masquerading around someone wearing shades is perfectly acceptable because they CANT SEE YOU. Oh, wait. That's right. You are just not as bright or something.

Speaking of bright...I think I lost half of my brain cells analyzing this song that I thought was super cool in the 80s. So cool, it made it into a TIME CAPSULE as my favorite song EVER.

I need therapy.

If you want to check out the actual video with Corey Hart, follow the link below. The video will not assist you much in figuring out the lyrics unless watching Corey sing into a phone "don't switch the blade on a guy in shades, oh no" while the cops approach means something to you. If it does, and you can explain, please let me know. I have a time capsule to edit.

I wonder where they buried it...

check out the you tube video here (sorry, it will not allow to embed in the post).*

*Tell me that is not a catchy tune.

**How funny are some of those comments on You Tube?

Only Time Will Tell Unless It's Fake

B, upon arriving home from work at 10:40 am one Saturday, asked:

B: What time did you get up today?

Me: I don't know. Maybe a mere half hour ago.

B: A half hour ago, huh. Are you sure?

Me: Yes, because the fake clock* said 10:20 a.m.

B: Ah ha! So you really got up 20 minutes ago!

Me: Um, no. A half hour ago. Just because the fake clock is ten minutes off, it doesn't mean that time moves any different.

B: [silence]

Me: Are you following me?

B: No.

Me: When the fake clock says 10:50 right now, it is really 10:40. So when I got up at 10:20 fake clock time, it was really 10:10 - a half hour ago.

B: Fake clock schmake clock.

...and B for the win! Really, how can you argue with a rhyme involving made up words?

*fake clock refers to our bedroom alarm clock that we set 10 minutes fast. Really, it is fake time not a fake clock.

Won't You Be My Neighbor

As you may know from reading some of my past posts, we have not really been about our neighbors in the past. I think things are going to change now. For one, we have moved to Pleasantville. I am serious.  One day when the weather was better and B's parents left our house, I heard no less than four neighbors stop what they were doing, wave and say "HI!".  Unheard of in our world.  

Then, the week before we moved in, we were there dropping stuff off and met this woman from across the street and her little dog.  Her little dog not on a leash who decided to (a) trot across the street without looking, and (b) try to befriend/attack another dog about seven times its size.  This resulted in our new neighbor yelling at the dog repeatedly and chasing the dog around.  In between these antics, the neighbor told me the dog was a replacement dog for one that was lost "tragically."  Let me guess? It was hit by a car.   That neighbor promised to accost, I mean visit, us with a bottle of wine after we moved in.   Let's just say I don't think wine is needed with that one and may actually be quite scary.  Luckily we have had a lot of snow lately and I think she forgot we live here. Whew! Dodged a bullet there.

Then there is my favorite neighbor and B's best friend.  I refer to him as "guy that lives behind us and sits in his room all day with the crazy blinds." That really does sum him up in his entirety. Like B, he has a TV room in the back.  And although he has blinds, he never shuts them. And they hang all crooked which drives B absolutely crazy.  He sits there all day and night watching TV, raising his drink and drinking it, and that's about it. Really.  I pondered whether he lived alone...B insisted he must live with someone else. Why you ask?

Because he has a fluffy white cat.

Yes.  Apparently grown men cannot have fluffy white cats and live alone. They can, however, have one small grey less fluffy cat and live alone and be all manly. But white? That is pushing it.  Neither of us has seen this other home dweller and I happen to think the person doesn't exist. 

So I have a love/hate relationship with the Man That Lives Behind Us. I love that he is always there. Like our constant (any Lost fans out there?), but I hate when he turns and looks at me while I am looking at him. It is kind of freaky. And I feel guilty staring at him (and also intrigued at the same time), but we don't have blinds. He does! And he refuses to shut them.  So it is not my fault I am staring at him, right?  

Well, last night our powers of observation were put to the test.  Earlier in the night I asked B what that new light was. Turns out the Man That Lives Behind Us' back door was open and the light inside was on.  Unusual but not all that strange.  Fast forward to 12:30 a.m. when B comes upstairs:

B: Should I be concerned that the Man That Lives Behind Us' lights are still on and I haven't seen him for hours and his door is still open?

Me: His door is still open.

B: Yep.

We went downstairs and sure enough it was. B decided we should be good neighbors and he got dressed and decided to take a pretend walk around the block in case the guy died shoveling the snow.   Meanwhile I just stayed by the window spying in plain sight.   

And this is the part of the story where you expect there to be a huge finale right?

Dead body?

The fluffy white cat feasting on the body of the Man That Lives Behind Us?

Um, no.

B found nothing. We woke up today and everything was the same way we left it.  I declared if the Man That Lives Behind Us wasn't seen today, I would call the police to check it out.

No worries.  B informed me a few hours ago:

"I just saw the Man That Lives Behind Us...or the guy that killed him"*

Won't you be our neighbor?

*I later saw the guy myself and can confirm it was the Man That Lives Behind Us and not some deranged killer. I also saw the cat for the first time. It is quite fluffy and white.

 

Living in the Dark Ages

We have a problem at the office. It is major. Our email system is not working properly, sometimes not at all. Actually, I am not sure which is worse, absolutely no email or the intermittent garbage we have been putting up with. The system inevitably knows when you are crafting or reading an important email and will choose that exact moment to go down. And the system goes down at least 100,000,000 billion times a day. It makes for fun times. The profession is challenging enough without the extra pressure to try to email important contracts during the 10 minute period the email decides to work. Some say we may be behind the times in our office. Please. Just because we are using an email system that does not sync with ANY phone or PDA does not mean we are technologically behind. I call that frugal.

Others do not share my point of view. There is yelling and cursing (I mostly do the cursing) and stomping out of the office because one JUST CANNOT TAKE IT ANYMORE. It is like we have all forgotten how to do anything without a computer. I actually pondered how I was going to get someone in my office a message since I could not email him. Yeah, he is two doors down from me. And the guy on the OTHER end of the office? I thought about sending a courier pigeon to him which just reminded me of the big bird that crashed into our window and died on the side of the building. Then I decided I just didn't want to talk to that guy anymore. It could wait. Until we have our email again, that is.

This crisis has also sparked memories of times when people were not so computer dependent. People pondered "what did we do before computers to send a message" to which I replied with great disdain "we FAXED things." I mean, really. Remember the first fax machines with that roll paper that turned brown within a week and completely faded within a month? And someone would send you a fax, call you to see if you had received it and you would say "wait, let me go check" while pulling out a scroll from your fax machine. And just TRY flattening that fax to get it into a file. Oh no, they always curled. Always. I hated that paper.

In the midst of the 2008 Office Email Crisis, as I have dubbed it, I had my own personal crisis with modern technology - the conference call. In that I could not conduct one. It was quite the scene. It all begins like this:

Working on a big deal with a client and partner that is out of town and we were running out of time in the day. After talking to both of them individually, partner says I should conference them in. Hilarity ensues:

Partner (over the phone): Just conference us in.

Me: How do I do that?

Partner: Press the conference button, dial him and then press conference again.

Me: Okay.

I press the conference button, attempt to reach outside line and get "restricted access." Scream at secretary outside my office who brings a book and reads me those directions. Does not work.

Me: This is not working.

Partner: It is quite easy. I don't know why you can't do it.

Me: I am calling you back [hangs up]

I summon another secretary in, she doesn't know how to do it. I throw up my hands in frustration and scream "I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS, WE ARE WASTING PRECIOUS TIME!" I call the client:

Me: I was trying to conference you in with partner but I cannot get it to work.

Client: It is easy. Press conference, dial him, press conference again.

Me: I tried that and it won't work.

Client: Try with me on the line.

Me: Hold on

I press conference, begin dialing - nothing happens.

Me: It is not working.

Client: Are you pressing the right buttons?

Me: I don't know how to conference. I cannot work the phone. Please don't judge me.

Client: Why would I judge you? [laughing]

Me: This is a disaster.

Client: I will just conference you from here.

He conferences and partner does not answer phone. Now we are both laughing because it is comical and quite ridiculous. Secretary runs in and says I need to press the on/off button. Eureka!

Me: Maybe he just wont answer your number. Let me call from here.

Client: Okay, call me back.

I dial the client and attempt to do the conference call thing again.

Me: Okay, hang on [dials other number]

Me to Client: Hello?

Client: Switchboard?

Me: Very funny.

Good thing my client has a sense of humor. It works, however, partner will not pick up for me either.

Me: He won't take my call either. What the heck? Forget it. Just forget it.

Client: I think he is calling me right now. Nope.

Me: Wait! He is calling me, hold on.

Me: Partner?

Partner: Hi, I am free.

Me: Great, because now I can do conference calls, hang on...

The rest of the story is boring* except to say that the entire conference call lasted 90 seconds. 90 seconds - that is a minute and a half. ALL of that work, screaming, reading, putting on hold, hanging up, for 90 seconds. I did not know whether to laugh or to cry.

Just a typical day at the office.

*This whole story might be boring. I choose, however, to ignore that possibility.

My Mail Traveled into the Future

You may not believe me, but it is true. Somehow my mail defied all mail procedures and ended up delivered on the day I mailed it.  Don't believe me? Let me give you a run down:

It is Saturday afternoon and I hear the mailman downstairs.  I yell "shit" and proceed to quickly grab my movie, the sleeve and the Netflix envelope, stuffing it in all in and hoping to catch the mailman because I know there will be no mail Monday and I need my next movie NOW.  After all, I have decided that October is horror movie month and I have a lot of catching up to do.  I run downstairs, catch the mailman and hand him the movie.  I realize that, because of the no mail on Monday, my next movie will not come until Wednesday. But I am okay with that.

Imagine my surprise when I got an email this morning that Netflix has received my movie! How is that possible? The shipping address was at least an hour and a half away.  I gave the movie to the postman* on Saturday.  There was no mail on Sunday or Monday. Did they receive it Saturday?  Did the postman drive it there himself? Why would he do that? We are not even on a first name basis. And the post office is notoriously slow.  Netflix should not have received that movie until Tuesday.

Can someone explain this to me?  Some super uber-geek out there - can you give me a tutorial on time travel?  I am a geek, but not about that.  Or, if you happen to work at the post office, could you tell  me if this is possible? Because I am stumped. It is almost like my own personal riddle:

A movie is placed in a mailbox on Saturday.

There is no mail delivery on Sunday.

There is no mail delivery on Monday.

How was the movie received and acknowledged on Monday?

I bet the answer lies somewhere in those words, but I am no Riddler! 

UPDATE:  The movie arrived TODAY. TODAY.  How is that possible? It was mailed on Saturday. How could it be mailed, received and another one shipped all on the same day? How? My post office has clearly been messing with the time/space continuum (I don't even know how to spell that) and it is freaking me out!

*Every time I hear the word postman I start to sing "Mr. Postman" to the tune of "Mr. Sandman" which makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.