Knock, Knock: Housekeeping!

Just a brief message to clue you into some changes on the blog. Nothing major by any means, just a few additions.

As I told you previously, I have been writing review's for Daemon's TV.  When I first started, I would do the breakthrough posts to let you know that a new review was posted.  After a few weeks I found that a bit too disruptive.  Also, I started writing more things for Daemon's and wanted to create a special space for those things as well.  

So, pages was born.  I have created pages over <----- there to the left that I update when anything new happens. There is a page for all of my TV reviews, updated weekly with each show.  There is a page for a recent series of articles I am writing about my all time favorite TV shows. There is a page for upcoming fall shows (so excited!). Other pages will be added a needed.

So, if you watch TV as much as I do, go over to the left and see what I am up to and what I think about what I am watching. I would love to hear what you think too!

*I am sure this is not the last format change for the blog. If anyone knows of an excellent blog designer, let me know!

Just a Rapper that Doesn't Rap But Boy Does He Know How to Sell

There are always a cast of characters outside the main courthouse. Usually it is homeless guys, but occasionally there are people that are trying to sell you something.  Typically that "something" turns out to be their homemade music CD.  I cannot even imagine what such things sound like.  So far I have been able to contain any impulse buying.  However, I recently met up with quite the salesman.

After crossing the street, I see this guy do a little dance that ends in a flourish and with his one arm out holding a CD.  You know I am a sucker for some street dancing.  So I laughed:

Me: Well, I like your presentation.

Him: Oh, baby I like  YOUR presentation.*

Me: Thank you, I am not interested in your CD.

Him: Are you sure? It has some good rapping.

Me: No thanks.

Him: But they call me the "Nerd Rapper."

Me: Wait! Are you calling me a nerd?

Him: Yes.

Me: Huh. Well I don't like rap.

Him: Me neither. That is why I only rap about important stuff like politics.

Me: I don't much like politics.

Him: Me neither. That's why this is about ufology which is about how aliens are invading our religion.

Me: I don't really believe in aliens.

Him: Me neither. That is why this rap is about education.

Me: You have a comeback for everything, don't you?

Him: Yeah, baby.

I have to give him props for trying and for making me laugh after a very difficult morning in court.

No, I did not buy the rap-that-isn't-rap-but-about-politics-or-aliens-or-education CD.  Probably my loss.

And for no other reason than I mentioned the word "rap" enjoy this funny commerical I only recently saw courtesy of Katelin:

*Yes that was said in a totally "I'm gonna sex you up" way.

Special Breakthrough Post: Check Out My New Guest Post at Daemon's TV

Hey guys!

I have another guest post up at Daemon's TV this week. This time I reviewed the season premiere of HBO's show Hung. If you haven't watched it, you should give it a try. It has a bit of humor, a bit of drama, and a lot of sex. It also features Anne Heche who is always entertaining.

Anyhow, read my review here.

Now back to our regularly scheduled posting...

If My Dreams Were a Plot to the Movie of My Life

I would do a lot of running as I would be chased a lot. Sometimes I would get caught. Mostly I would not. Usually I would get tired.

I would find myself inexplicably deserted topless in South Africa. I would find a scarf, cover myself up, find a payphone and after hitting the one and only button, continuously repeat "American Embassy" until the next scene showed me back in the US with no further explanation.

My mom and John Mayer would get in a fight at Thanksgiving dinner. He would try to show off by speaking in a different language. My mom would talk back. John Mayer would inform me that my Mom was actually speaking Turkish while he was speaking Yiddish so he could not understand her. However, he would be massively impressed with her intelligence. I would set aside my belief that he is a douche and we would all leave happy.

The dinosaurs would roam the earth again, recurrently throughout the movie. We would all run through the alleys to escape while the overhead speakers on the telephone poles would blare "The dinosaurs are coming, The dinosaurs are coming" in case we did not know.

The cats would be crying all of the time.

I would get chased by murderers and spend an inordinate amount of time running, screaming and hiding.

A man would want to change my dad's arm (played by another person of course) into a two clawed slimy thing (kind of like MaryAnn's arm when she turns in True Blood). However, my dad would be given the choice to have them do mine instead, which he would choose. This procedure would involve amputation. Since I have never had my arm amputated before, I will choose to pretend it feels like getting stitches and so it will. My "dad" will faint at the scene. I will never get to see my claw.

I would then be on a table being forced into an ultrasound even though I am not pregnant. They will get my cooperation by waterboarding me. Then another woman will jump on top of me and do CPR like movements to my stomach chanting "make a baby, make a baby". Later, I will review an ad I placed in the paper that looks like an obit except it is pink and has a unicorn on it. It will announce the "end" of the baby that never existed which will be named something like Email Text Chain and will state that although I claim there never was one, the baby is now gone.

The movie will end with me trying to drive up a freeway ramp that goes straight in the air while in a convertible. Miraculously, I will not fall out of the car.

And there will be choregraphed scenes, probably involving music.

Who wants to be my producer?

*All of the scenarios above are from actual dreams I have had. Some, like the dinosaurs, since childhood. Most of them recently. I am not on any drugs.

Can we choregraph this? Synchronize it? FLASH it? Please?

Can I tell you that I love flash mobs? I know they are nothing new, but they get my interest every single time. Especially if there is dancing and singing involved. I don't know what it is, but my little heart flutters when a handful, or hundreds, or thousands, of people move together simultaneously.

Yes I am a dork.

A dork that loves to share. So here are some flash mob videos for your viewing pleasure. Since we just passed the one year anniversary of MJ's death, the first two are for him:

This one involves different kinds of music and dancing in a train station. I just love watching how happy the spectators get and how the dancers even get them to join in:

And, finally, one of my recent favorites that does not involve any music or dancing but manages to put a smile on thousands of people's faces:

My Mom and I thought we should do a similar high five video in a location here, but then we couldn't figure out who would tape it. With our luck, we would get the grumpy cursing crowd and rather than high fives, I would have tomatoes thrown at me or something.

Sounds about right.

Sunday Showoff: Go Toward the Light

This week's Sunday Showoff was supposed to be about the back room, but then I realized I never took pictures of the kind-of-finished product. I grabbed my camera, but it screamed "low battery" at me and turned itself off. It is now banished to the corner where it is charging. Sadly, the back room will have to wait until next week.

This week I will just show off two items we recently acquired. The first is one that B found and which I fell in love with. Look at this gorgeous lamp:

It gives off the warmest and best glow in the living room. I want more of them! I want one for my office. Huh, maybe I should have asked for one for my birthday. Hindsight. Anyway, here is the view from the top:

So pretty, right? I feel that it falls somewhere in between old fashioned and current. I could be totally wrong. What do I really know? This isn't a design blog, that's for sure.

The second item is a piece of art work that I picked up for my real office, you know the one I go to during the week to get paid? Not the one where I sit and type up blogs and enter contests.

I am really bad about hanging up pictures and diplomas in my office. I am trying to turn it around. One day when my Mom and I were at Marshalls, I spotted this and thought it was perfect! Seriously, I feel like this multiple times a day.

Everyone that has come into my office has smiled when they saw it. I hope that means that they like it and not that they think I am a lunatic. Well, I would settle for both.

Next week will have the back room, I promise. Also, stay tuned this week for a special post on more history of our house. I am really excited for that post.*

*I get excited easily.

**That's what she said.

***Do people still say that?

Sunday Showoff: Blueprints and Baking Powder

Remember I told you B had plans to frame and hang the original blueprints of our house? Well he did it. He framed them and hung them in the dining room. He was torn between that room and the living room. Who knows, we may change our minds later as B finds more gems to frame and hang up. He has quite the eye.

So here is one on the left side of the room which is looking more orange than usual because of the sunlight:

And the other one on the right side which looks more clay like in color due to lack of light:

Here are some close ups of the blueprints. They were in rough shape with some tears. The place we had them framed at, our local Michael's, did a fantastic job of framing the prints so the tears are minimized. This is the front of the house:

And the back:

It is so interesting to me that our house has all of the same features and designs as are on the blueprints. Nothing has changed! That is what will pain me about replacing the windows. Although they are extremely drafty and there are a few I have to literally fight with to get closed, they are originals and are so unique.

Next, B went on ebay and found an original magazine ad from Better Homes and Gardens around the time our house was made featuring a baking powder and advertising it as being used in homes in our area. How fun is that? He ordered it and framed it:

And then hung it on our kitchen wall:

I love the idea!! He is a genius and I think it looks fantastic. I cannot wait to find (or have B find) more unique decorating items like these.

Thanks for letting me show off our recent decorating gems. Next week, I will show you the newly painted backroom and share our big plan for its use.

There's Beauty Everywhere, But Not Everyone Gets an Award for it, Do They?

Remember when B decided to go all out and put up Christmas lights on the house? Remember when I wasn't very keen about the icicle lights because they are LED and kind of bluish/bright? Remember when I "warmed" up to them?* Well, this is the post where I admit that B was right and I was wrong.

And B says "I TOLD YOU SO. I AM ALWAYS RIGHT. WHY DO YOU DOUBT ME?"

Then I tell him to stop shouting or I will take back everything I just said.

So he waves a flag in my face. Not a real flag. A piece of paper that PROVES HE IS RIGHT.

Yes, we came home to an envelope addressed to "The Greatest Christmas Light Designer and Hanger Ever" in our mailbox. Actually it was addressed to "Award Winner," but that was pretty close.

And, actually, I came home to an open envelope. B opened it, saw it, gloated and then silently left it for me to discover on my own. When I did, I smiled.

I am so proud.

B is a genius.

B is an award winner.

And to all of those neighbors that couldn't be bothered to stop and "ahhh" and "ooohhh" at our house like the other houses around us?

WE WON AN AWARD!

Did you?**

Until next year, bitches.

*Like what I did there? "Warmed up" to the icicle lights? Genius, right there. Genius.

**For all I know, everyone got one of these awards. I choose to believe they did not.

Can We Get A Little Color in Here?

Remember WAY back in September when I asked you to pick some paint for our dining room? If you will recall, the winner was #3. However, it was not quite a winner once it made it to the walls. Thereafter, I tried many samples and a variety of things to get it right. It wasn't until I took B's suggestion that we found the perfect color. In fact, I remember standing in line waiting for the sample. As the Home Depot woman put the little fingerprint of paint on the top of the can, I knew it was the perfect color.* Then I immediately said "DAMN HIM and his rightness." Yes, out loud. I thought about pretending that I didn't think the color would work, but I 'fessed up and told B he was brilliant. He likes to hear these things. So, now, the dining room is painted (although not DONE or FINISHED as B would say). In all of its glory, I give you our dining room with #1 from the original post:

The most accurate depiction of the color:

With a little sunlight on it. Well, actually a lot of sunlight:

No light:

Medium light**:

And the other side of the room view:

Thanks again to everyone that voted and gave their opinion. Special shoutout to jlynn who voted for both the #3 that originally went on and the #1 that actually ended up staying on the walls. That girl has talent.

*In case you were wondering, the paint on the wall is called "Glazed Pot" which is exactly what it looks like and greatly limits your ability to describe it:

"It is called Glazed Pot"

"What does it look like?"

"Well, kind of like...a glazed pot. You know like a ceramic pot or pottery that's been glazed? That color."

"Um...oh"

**Yes, I was running out of descriptions for the same photo with slightly different lighting. I am so unoriginal.

Why Can't You Set Your Monkey Free?

A couple of months ago, when my Mom and I took a roadtrip to see some family, we also got to see performance art for the elderly. At least by the elderly. At first I thought their coordinated dancing was cute:

Right after the above, the man smacked the woman's ass. I wish I were kidding.

Then, however, I came to find out that it was all an act. Of course, I could tell that it was choreographed. However, I did not know that they came out and did the SAME dance EVERY weekend. Nor did I know that there would be costume changes:

Right after that above picture was taken my uncle turned to my Dad who was playing with a child's toy from the gift shop, and said:

If you put you hand in that puppet, that lady over there will grab her monkey.

Little did we know he was not kidding:

The moral of the story? I like spontaneous, well choreographed, dancing elderly people. I do not like well choreographed, dancing elderly people that appear "spontaneously" every weekend and who have costumes and puppets.

Especially those that are really not good ventriloquists.

Actually I don't like puppets or ventriloquists.

Neither does B.

That's why we are in love.

*Bonus points to those that know where the title of the post comes from.

Rainbow Living in our Dining Room

Some of you may recall that a while back we gave everyone a chance to vote on the color of our dining room. Some of you were quite excited that your pick was chosen. Those some of you are going to be disappointed.

The color we chose, as seen here, just did not look right in the room. It was too dark. Too red. Too orange. Not right.

So we tried a new color.

And another.

And another.

Until we finally found one we liked.

We* still haven't painted though.

Below is the original color we picked and then some heinous orange color I thought might work:

And this is where we ended up - the original color, two orange colors, a purple color, and then the winner. You can see the winner has an arrow next to it thanks to B:

I would call it a more caramel orange color, if such thing existed. Meanwhile, B saw an ad for a mirror and decided to see how it would look on our dining room wall:

Verdict: too small.

Then B decided to take some artistic license and decorate further:

See, Jenny, Lucas is not the only left-handed artist in the family.

*Although everyone knows by now, I must insert this disclaimer - when I say "we" in a sentence with painting, "we" is actually just B. Except for the time I painted the little toilet room in the basement. No, it is not a bathroom. There is no bath. There is no sink. It is just a toilet. There are also three litter boxes. Toilet room indeed.

Got Any Bat Lately?

Recently, my brother called my Mom to tell her that there was a drawing of a bat at the entrance to their condo community. After puzzling over why someone would draw a bat (my Mom thought it might be a warning that "old bats" live there, whereas I thought someone was trying to use the bat signal to alert Batman to the crime in the area) and questioning whether it was spray painted on, my Mom promptly forgot about it.

That is until my Dad called later:

Dad: You better get your son's eyes checked.

Mom: Why?

Dad: That is not a BAT that is on the street.

Mom: What is it?

Dad: It is a vagina with a penis sticking out of it!

Yes, folks. My brother thought a pornographic drawing of a sex act was a bat. After we all had many laughs over this, we all had a final thought:

Dad: That boy needs glasses.

Mom: Dad, you need to sit your son down and teach him about the love of a man and a woman (or in this case, at least the body parts).

Bro: I was driving really fast and did not look really good.

Me: So, bro, have you gotten any bat lately?

Bro: That wasn't a really good drawing of one!

How about you judge for yourself? **Warning - May or May Not be Obscene Photo***

In bro's defense, he was coming from the other direction:

Um, maybe that doesn't help his defense all that much.

*I was going to post the picture by itself and have you all guess at what it was until B said "the penis pretty much gives it away." Ha! Tell that to my bro!

**Oh, and happy anniversary Mom & Dad. How's this for a nice family post?