Can I Interest You in a Little Fine Dining or at Least the Furniture to Do So?

Remember back in May when I informed you I lost my dining room set when B took my offhand comment super seriously? Well, just as I thought we would never have a place to store our once a year dishes and platters, it was B to the rescue once again.

As this set is so amazing, I have almost forgiven B for forcing me to relocate things into our way too small kitchen.  Almost.  This is Jacobian furniture which, from what I understand from GTS*, is the form furniture took during the Renaissance in England. Yes, our furniture is THAT old. Or based on ideas that old. Whatever.

This picture doesn't do the size justice, but B informed me that he didn't want to take a straight
on picture because then he would be in it through the mirror. So camera shy, that one.

This is our buffet. B may or may not have broke it immediately upon trying to move it.
It has super heavy drawers and is awesome.

This is the china cabinet.  It is also awesome and now holds all of our glasses.  It also is a haven for cats trying to escape dogs.  

You can see the carved detail in the chair and buffet. This is my favorite shot.
Good job B!

Closer shot of the cabinet.

Up close to the buffet.

This set is ever way huger than it looks because there is a leaf. And by a leaf I mean the top of the table lifts up and goes between two extenders. The whole top of the table is a leaf. One day I am going to make B do that again and put all of the chairs we got with it to show you just how regal this set really looks.

I actually like the table with all 6 chairs around it, but it makes it kind of crowded and one chair may or may not be in the midst of repair as well.  

We got this set for a very reasonable price.  Thereafter, my friend whom I stole the trash chair from got a very similar site at an even better price. I might hate her now. The jury is still out on that one.

Also, you will notice the glass on top of every piece. The set did not come like that. B brilliantly stole the idea from our neighbor. With three cats with three sets of back claws and the never ending desire to launch off of our furniture with said claws, the furniture is grateful for B's idea, as am I.

It's the little things.

   




*Google That Shit, or in this case, Googling That Shit

I Chair You to Say This Doesn't Look Better

It has been forever since we got the chair that came with out house upholstered, but I am finally getting around to the grand unveiling.

Thankfully, I got my local photographer a/k/a B on the job. He took many wonderful photos of all of the furniture I am supposed to catch you up on here.  You can thank him for the next couple of posts.

Let's start with The Chair. Remember The Chair? The one the former owners left behind that was all chewed up and ugly? The one I said had good bones?  Here is a picture of it in its original state to refresh your recollection:

Good lines. All chewed up.

Look at it now in its magnificent glory:

Good lines. Gorgeous fabric. So pretty.

The people that upholstered it, fell in love with as did I.  I think this was a wise piece to keep. Now, you can even sit in it without thinking your ribs will be cut by an arm.

Ooohh...

Ahhh....

Posting these pictures makes me excited to get the other New Chair going. I will have to get B on that!

 

Does the Shrieking Sound Alarm You? It Should.

It was a normal day at the office. I was busy impressing a client with some antiquated legal jargon when I heard the distinct sound of the office fire alarm.  I very calmly said "Client, I will have to call you back. The office is on fire."  

I then picked up my cell phone, my car keys and my purse and walked right out of the office.  You know who did not follow me? Oh, everyone else.  They all insisted it was a false alarm.  No one called to say it was a false alarm.  No one turned off the shrieking sounds.  So I headed out the door.  When questioned at the front door if I was "really" going, I replied:

"I am not burning in this hell hole, bitches. Peace out!"

I am so professional.  

The real question is, did they forget the great fire of March 2011. I sure didn't. One electrical fire, one freezing my ass off in the parking lot while waiting to see if we were ever getting back in was enough.  So what did I do?

Went outside in the rain with an umbrella freezing my ass off while waiting to see if we would ever get back in.

Despite the five police cars and one huge fire engine, it turns out it was a false alarm. Someone allegedly sprayed something at the sensor. What? I don't even know where the sensors are and aren't they only supposed to sense SMOKE? So confusing. I suspect it was the place that employs the hackysackers.  It just has to be.

In other news, an attorney stayed behind because she wanted to finish a brief.  I told her I would put that on her gravestone.  "Will burn for work."

Then I called my client back.


 

Since I've Been Gone...The Top 25

I was tagged by Jennifer from ramblingsofasuburbranmom.com to tell you 25 things you do not know about me.  However, since I have been gone for a while, I figured I would change it up and tell you 25 things that happened to me since January 1, 2012 a/k/a my last post. Shhh! I know.

Let's catch up. Shall we?

1. I went to Vegas for a conference for work. If you call drinking a giant Eiffel Tower drink and Bloody Mary's work, that is.
2. B rescued yet another dog. Even cuter than the last one. He also found it a home. More on that later.
3. My second nephew was born. His name is William. I like to call him Will.I.am.  You can check him out here.
4. B put up shelves in my home office. They are awesome. More on that later.
5. We got my childhood home from my parents and are now landlords. That is a bit weird.  
6. I revived my decades old carpal tunnel by playing a word game on my iPhone and iPad.  If you haven't played W.E.L.D.E.R., download it now, but watch out for your wrists!
7. I got an iPad! It was a Birthaversary gift. Combined birthday and anniversary = love.  iPad = carpal tunnel.
8. I spent too much time playing Words With Friends. Still do.
9. Our pack changed. More on that later.
10. I rewrote the entire plot and "twist" to the movie, The Cabin in the Woods, immediately after seeing it. Mine is much better. Sorry Joss Whedon.
11. Spent a 3 hour flight staring at the guy seated next to me wondering if he was going to puke on me. Also contemplated telling him to tilt his head back for his nosebleed. Neither happened. Worst.Flight.Ever.
12. Quit Twitter.
13. Became obsessed with Facebook.
14. Became obsessed with rescuing animals. Not literally because they have a tendency to run in the opposite direction from me and sometimes right into traffic.  The opposite of rescue actually.
15. Lost my dining room furniture when I casually remarked I would like a new set. Be careful what you say around B. That set was sold within a week.  
16. Figured out where to put all the stuff stored in our dining room set.
17. Had a milestone birthday. Won't tell you which one.
18. Attended the funeral of a girl I grew up with who had my same first name, was the same age, and was married just as long as me.  Creeped me out, honestly.
19. Got a call from a medical supply company about medical supplies I no longer need for a medical condition I never had.  We are going on year 6 or 7 now. Please.Make.It.Stop.
20. Learned that our "Beware of Dog" sign annoys our neighbor across the street.  You know what annoys me? Lawsuits.  Also? The neighbor across the street. Mrs. Busybody.
21. My brother did a drive by in his EMS rig complete with stopping and turning on the sirens in front of our house.  We were not home. My other neighbor was. She made sure to check with B to see if we were okay.
22. Ran into the Rap-CD-selling-courthouse-guy who hugged me. Still haven't bought a CD.
23. Refused to get caught up in the 50 Shades of Grey hype.  
24. Got a Keurig machine at work.  Discovered they make Kcups in my favorite Tazo tea. Got a Keurig machine at home.
25. Bought a super cool item for B's birthday. Forgot about it entirely until just now. There's always next year!

I am not tagging anyone even those are the rules. I am a rebel and a rule breaker. Watch out!



 

These Are the Times to Remember...

Every year, on the first day of the year, I think "this is going to be a GREAT year." That is a true statement. In fact, it is actually a documented statement.  I used to journal. Not in an every day of my life like the long grass man, but I wanted to. Every year I would start off with a brand new journal and inevitably the first page would say "this is going to be a GREAT year."  After that, there are only a few pages, or even none, with writing on them.  

Seriously. Worst journaling ever.

However, the sentiment remains. Even if I don't write it on paper, I think it. And I thought it today. 

This is going to be a GREAT year.  

How do I know?  Well let's look at the greatness of 2011 -

We found Nevada.  Or maybe she found us.  I am not sure who is luckier.

The closet happened.  Then the closet got better.

We saved a dog named Gus and got him a new home (close by too so we can visit!)

We went to Amsterdam. And Paris. And London. Unfortunately, I am behind in photos and only showed you Amsterdam. Maybe in 2012.

And that is just a taste of what the year held for us.  I, for one, cannot wait to see what this year brings.*

Happy New Year - from our house to yours,


 



*Please don't let it be another dog. We are kind of full with the five furballs right now.

Sunday Sweats: Surprise! We Were Burgalarized...or Were We?

So this is what I came home to a couple of months ago. Well, actually a lot of a couple of months ago when it was very warm. Sensing a theme? Yes, I am reliving warmer times. I hope Phil is right. I need some spring.

Anyway, I came home, parked the car and headed into the house when I was stopped by this view of our back porch:

Who broke me?

I remembering standing there so confused. My first thought was "Someone tried to break into our house!" I then immediately figured out that was stupid.  Why would someone push in the screen (and unsuccessfully might I add) when they could just open our screen door which is not locked? Also, why would someone break into a screened in back porch, but not the rest of the house?

I then thought someone drove into it. Yes, you read that right. The porch faces our yard which faces a fence which faces the long grassed neighbor's house and then his yard. It would be physically impossible for a car to drive into this porch unless it was a special UFO car.  That did not stop me from looking for tracks or looking quizzically at the long grassed man's yard like he might materialize at any moment and explain this all to me.

Turns out that none of that was the problem. The problem was rotting wood. I would rather have UFOs actually.  And so down came parts of the back porch:

They all fall down.

Guess who had to create new pieces? B. Isn't he a champ?  Want to see rotting wood pieces?

This is rotting wood.

So is this.

And a weird side view of the rotting wood. 

We like to take pictures of rotting wood.

Turns out the porch wasn't level either. Look what B had to do to the bottom just to get the top to work:

That's odd looking.

In the end, it all worked out. I would like to show you pictures, but somehow we cannot find them. Let me just say that B fixed that side piece and all of the front pieces. Maybe I will take pictures in the spring and supplement this post. For now, pretend it is all fixed:

Pretend I am the final version.

Home ownership is a lot of work - B.

*So I totally looked at when I saved this post. May of 2009. Um, more than a couple of months ago or even a couple of couple months ago. We are talking almost two years people. I need to catch up to my photos!

I Think This is My Floor, Even if it Isn't.

Guess where I am? Why, yes, preparing for another trial. Not like I didn't just have one last week.  Not like this trial isn't practically the same trial from last week.  

Man I am tried.  

Until this trial is over, I leave you with another court related story.  This one from about a year ago. Yes, I am THAT behind in my post writing.

So I was in an elevator at court, the same court I will be in this week, when a guy gets pushed onto the elevator with a bailiff. There is already one bailiff on the elevator, I notice.

I sense trouble.

A couple of floors later my friend gets on the elevator. I tug on her sleeve so she moves behind the troublemaker.

A couple of floors later a THIRD bailiff gets on the elevator.

Then the trouble starts:

B: You are leaving the building

G: No I'm not. I got business here.

B: I don't care what you got, I am making you leave the building.

G: MAN YOU CAN'T DO THAT.

B: YES I CAN. AND I WILL. YOU ARE LEAVING. YOU CAN SAY WHATEVER YOU WANT.

Me: Can we discuss this on the ground floor?

G: I know what this is.

B: CALL IT WHATEVER YOU WANT, YOU ARE OUTTA HERE.

G: I know what you are.

B: I really don't care what you think I am.

G: I know what you are.

B: Whatever.

G: You are jealous.

I know what you are thinking. What in the hell were they even talking about? I have no clue. I think there was about to be some accusations of racism, sexism, ageism, and any other ism you could think of by G.  However, I am fairly confident that no matter what was going on, the bailiffs were NOT jealous of G.

I was just glad to be outta there myself.

Sunday Sweats: All That Hard Work Was for the Dog(s)!

It has dawned on me that I have not really posted much about stuff that we (meaning mostly B) have been doing around the house.  Since nothing major has happened, I tend to forget about the little things. Luckily, we do take pictures though.  I stumbled upon them and thought I should start posting about them.  I am going to try to do a post at least weekly about what has been happening until I exhaust all that has been done. Knowing B, that could take a long time! He definitely doesn't like to sit idle.

Remember when we felt bad for Jersey and B built her an area so she could roam free while we were out or at work instead of being cooped up in a crate?  Well, I forgot to follow up and tell you how that worked out.

It didn't.

The very first day we tested the new enclosure, I came home and was shocked and puzzled as to why I could see Jersey through the back door wagging her tail at me as if to say "what too you so long?"

Turns out, wood is not going to stop our dog. She chewed a hole in the wood and escaped.  How long did it take her to do this you wonder? Was it our entire work day? No.

It took her less than an hour.

Do you see that hole? It is not even as big as the dog.  She managed to chew through there and get free.  It is not even close to the ground!

Our dog is a beast and she will not be contained!

I felt bad for all of the time that B put into the enclosure.  Jersey did not feel so bad. She felt pretty good, roaming through the house free for an hour. At least she didn't destroy anything in the house.  Jersey was all for freedom.  B had other ideas.

Stay tuned...

If There Is Gambling, Sleeping and Buffeting at the End of the Road, I Will Only Slightly Whine Along the Journey

It has been a long couple of weeks since I last posted.  I actually find it hard to believe that the last thing I talked about was Thanksgiving and now it is almost Christmas. Time flies when you are busy and stressed.  So what have I been up to?

First, I had a trial. Not as long as my last one, only three days. However, those were a long three days full of lots of motions and arguing and lots of late nights preparing. Even the jury took their time, not rendering a verdict until 6:00 p.m.  Too bad their verdict was not in my favor.  Favorite part of the trial? When my opposing counsel showed up the second day and proudly exclaimed "See, I brought MY binder too.  It is empty."  (I always use a binder to keep all of my stuff organized. My opponents usually don't.)

But right before that three day trial? B and I had our second annual holiday party. Because that is exactly what you are supposed to do less than 48 hours before trial, host a party for 40 something people. You may not remember the first party because I barely talked about it. I do have some pictures from last year's event though:

Pre-party house:

Outside including tealight walkway bags:

My bro and B discussing the finer aspects of...a fish tank:

Almost party time and with a warm fire roaring:

You know where my photos from this holiday party are? Nowhere. They don't exist.  Just imagine the above photos with a different tree, lights instead of tealight bags on the walk, no fish tank and about 40 people milling about at any given time.

It was a blast.

My favorite part? Probably when the carbon monoxide detector went off and my brother thought it was the smoke alarm and started fanning it, and no one else seemed to care. I had to take that sucker outside and dismantle it all the way down to ripping out the batteries in order to make it stop blaring. 

That reminds me of the time that B decided to remove the faulty carbon monoxide detector and store it in a safe place. The garage. Wasn't I surprised when I started the car that next morning.  Good times.

Now after that long three day trial, B and I took a mini vacation to Vegas.  The city I like to call my second home. It had been just over a year since we last went and I loved it. I wished we had stayed a day longer, but I will take what I can get.  I slept a lot, ate good food and played video poker slots until I almost broke my back and went blind.

It was a blast.

Now I am back to the land of the cold and already preparing for my next trial in the beginning of January. When did I become a trial queen? The last one was my third in 9 months! How exhausting. This one will be longer because it is two trials in one. Or really back to back, but you get the point.  

I will try not to wait until after then to update though.  I have many pictures and stories to share with you.  

Happy Vegas Christmas!

It Wouldn't Be Thanksgiving Unless There Was a Roast

No, we didn't eat roast on Thanksgiving, but we sure had one.  As we finished eating, B started telling story after story. About ME.  Seriously.  One after the other. Non. Stop.

It started with the story about how I made mustard chicken once. That was followed by the time I cut my finger on a can of corn.  That segwayed to the time he did not believe I needed to go to the hospital, but oh yeah, my appendix needed to come out.  And my gallbladder.  Then he somehow started talking about the time I locked myself out of the house.  

It was starting to sound like a bad blog regurgitation/stand up comedy routine.  Except these people didn't know that I had a blog, so it sounded like a "let's make fun of Dani on this holiday upon which we give thanks."  

COME UP WITH YOUR OWN MATERIAL, B!

Just kidding.  In fact, sometimes I think B practically writes this blog, he just doesn't know it. In fact, he sparked the whole conversation my family had at the now annual Thanksgiving day breakfast. What would that be?

The zombie apocalypse of course.

B told me about his friend who is fully prepared for said apocalypse and even shared his extensive plan WITH HIS CHILDREN.

I decided this must be discussed at breakfast despite the fact that my brother and father do not share my love for zombies.  Can I tell you that zombies are now the great conversation equalizer? It is the truth. Bring it up and people will join in.  Just the other day I said to my coworkers "The zombie apocalypse is coming and I fear I am not prepared."  People immediately offered ideas and banded together against this purely fictionalized idea.  Zombies. Bringing people together while scaring the living shit out of them.

So what did my family accomplish during Thanksgiving breakfast?  Check this out:

• B would live on an island so the zombies wouldn't get to him.
• His friend thinks zombies could just walk under the water and get him.
• My dad says no one, even dead people, can walk under water without their heads being crushed from the pressure.
• My brother says crushing heads is an effective way to kill a zombie.
• I ponder why there are no zombie animals.
• B says because the zombies cannot catch them.
• My brother says it is due to noncommunicable transfer - kind of like dogs and cats not being able to have sex.
• My brother is smart.
• The zombies will want his brain first.
• Do zombies pick and choose brains or is it all just meat?
• Why do zombies eat brains anyway?
• Finally, my mom wants to know when we are going to start talking about vampires.

You should hear what we discuss on Christmas.

My Office Was Raided, But At Least the Buzzing Stopped

Remember a couple of years ago when I had a bug infestation in my office and pondered how they arrived, what they wanted, and if I would survive the horror movie my professional life had become.

I survived.

Two years later, a different office, a corner office and guess what? I have flies. FLIES! I noticed this yesterday when I spotted a huge horse fly perched on my desk lamp eyeing me evilly.  We are on the third floor. Even higher up this time.  I quickly sent out an SOS to my colleagues.  My one coworker thought it was her fly from the day before.  She refused to take it back.  I mostly ignored it and swatted at it occasionally.  I only grumbled under my breath when me and another associate attempted to discuss a case while swinging our arms wildly.  

Then it landed on my FACE!

source

I found an office fly whisperer who came and scooped the fly out of my office with her bare hands. I suggested she put it in the stairwell so it could find its way out of the building.  It did not.  It multiplied.  Are flies like rabbits?

Today I found two on my window. I went to find the person in charge and found him simultaneously talking to a client on the phone and swatting his window with a magazine. I sought out the fly whisperer again.  She declared too many flies and left.  Apparently they were all hanging out in my heating vent. ALL FIVE OF THEM! What the hell?

I complained.  Someone asked me if I was scared of flies.  Um, no, but does that mean it is okay for them to live in my office, glare at me and land on my face? I didn't think so.

The problem was mostly solved by a manic Raid wielding partner that sprayed so much in my office that I almost got high. Or died.  I still am not sure. He used so much in his office, he fumigated himself out and had to leave.

Good news - no more flies. For today.

In other news, the fly whisperer told me that when she went to release yesterday's fly into the staircase, the fly was buzzing a lot and tickling her hand, so she opened the door and threw it in the staircase.  And there was a person out there talking on his cell phone.  I can imagine what his blog said last night:

Today was the strangest day. I was just minding my own business, taking a personal call in the stairway, when some crazy girl bursts out of the door and flings a fly right at my face!

Give that man some Raid!

Sunday Sweets: Jersey Girl in the Beginning

I was backing up some old photos and noticed there were ones of Jersey when we first got her that I don't think I have ever shared with you.  Whenever I see pictures of Jersey as a pup, they tear at my heart. She was SO little!

This was B playing with her in the yard. You can barely see her!

Look at her trying to attack Brad who is almost the same size as her:

Just a bit bigger than Chester as they keep a watchful eye on each other. They still do that today:

Chewing up our shoes. Luckily that doesn't really happen much today.  You can barely see her with my boots there!

Remember how she recently stuffed herself into that pet bed? Look how big it looks here!  This was a day-we-got-her picture. I know this because she is still wearing the holiday bandana that she had on when they brought her over. Shortly after that, she chewed it off.  

Smaller than a gym bag:

But cutest thing ever!!