Crime Watch Wednesday: Fanning the Flame of Friendship

This week's Crime Watch Chronicles brings us the story of a friendship gone bad and a crime that didn't quite take:

A former friend was found to be a suspect in an attempted arson. A woman came home to find a small puddle of liquid, thought to be lighter fluid, and a burned cigarette under the front tire of her vehicle. Around that same time the woman received a text message from her former friend, who had been harassing her and threatening her for weeks, that read:

"I tried to light on fire ur shit"

Yes, yes you did. You tried to light on fire the woman's shit. But you didn't. You know what else you did? You ADMITTED TO A CRIME. And you did so via a poorly worded text message. That is traceable to your phone number. Apparently, also the phone number used to harass and threaten this same woman for weeks. Now the police are asking for any additional information, but the truth is? They have all of the information they need. They have:

• your name
• your phone number
• your CONFESSION

You didn't start the fire, babe, but you are still going to get burned.

Case closed.

On a side note, who the hell attempts to start a fire, fails, and then announces the ridiculous attempt to their enemy. That would be like firing an arrow at a person while standing behind a tree and then after missing jumping out and yelling "I tried to shoot this arrow through your heart."

No shit, but you didn't.

They are Macon Progress

This weekend my Mom and I went to breakfast at a new place in a different part of town since we had an errand to run out there. The food was good, the toast was huge and the waitress was nuts. Really. Immediately after we gave her our breakfast order she said "We have a lot of good lunch specials. Take a look." and left. Hell, we hadn't even had breakfast yet. The lunch specials didn't begin until 11:30. It was 9. Apparently, she thought we were the type of people that go into a restaurant for breakfast and never leave. Okay, maybe that has happened before. Whatever.

In any event, I learned that word on the street* is that the under-construction-breakfast place is open again. My Mom and brother went to visit and reported that the menu is mostly fixed. Mostly. My brother said that he found "chicken brest." See? I think that is even worse. You go to great lengths to fix your jacked up menu and it STILL has a spelling error. Classy.

Also? The formerly greek-like-breakfast-place-turned-coney-island-breakfast-place has branched out to embrace all sorts of ethnic food. For example, they have a fine Mexican selection:

Taco Salad

Quesadillas

Tacos

Almond Boneless Chicken

Wait. What? Yes. They had almond boneless chicken listed under Mexican food.

I wonder if it was made with chicken brest?

*By street, I mean my brother. He has been stalking the place, waiting for it to open.

Got Chocolate? How about some Macon?

Remember when I told you that my Mom and I had found a new place for Saturday breakfasts? Well, actually it is my brother. I am all about giving people credit, especially when things go wrong. Kudos J!

Anyhow, the last couple of times that we were there, things had been off. My Mom, who is able to make friends with anyone, had suspicions that the place had been bought based on prior conversations with some of the staff. Sure enough, one of our waitresses confirmed it for us. She did not seem happy.

The next time we went in, there was a name change, and our waitresses were no longer there. Instead of being greeted with "I put you in that booth with your coffee", we were greeted with "how many?" It was quite sad.

But with new ownership came a new menu. Big, shiny and bright. We looked over the new menu for no apparent reason since we both get the same thing every.single.time. (Me = ham and cheese omelette, potatoes extra crispy, wheat toast. Mom = ham, cheese and mushroom omelette, potatoes extra crispy, no toast). Reading the menu caused all kinds of hilarity. Mom first noticed something was amiss:

Mom (in a fierce whisper): Look at the top of the menu on the left. What IS that?

Me: What?

Me: Oh, TREE eggs. What the?

Mom: (giggling)

Me: I think they are supposed to be FREE eggs as in free range.

Mom: I KNOW, but that is too funny.

We then read the menu more carefully and counted no less than 12 errors. Some were typos, some were just flat out wrong. I have seen menus with errors before, but this was the worst I have ever seen. Below is what we found:

~Omelette with Chaddar cheese

~Consuming raw food can cause Foodbome illness

~with a side of macon

~Cornded beefr and hash (no that is not my typo but theirs)

~Side salad with Ramaine lettuce (sounds like an actress)

~Hamburger with Picke

~Hamburger with Cheese c (yes that is EXACTLY what it said. I don't know what the extra "c" is about either)

~Fish and chips with Tartar sauce (yes, please can I have some raw meet on my cooked fish)

~Corded beef and hash (in case you didn't want yours cornded, but corded).

~side order of Cattage cheese (they really have problems with the cheese descriptions

~Pie A la made (well, crap. I hope it is made. It will be messy if *I* have to make it)

~Got chocolate (that wasn't a question, but apparently hot chocolate. I only know this because it was in the beverage section).

After telling the waitress at least three times that we needed to study the menu after having already placed our order, we were through. We laughed so hard that it was difficult for me to type those words into my phone. I would have taken pictures but that would have been too obvious.

Despite the atrocious menu, we did go back. The waitresses were back. The food seemed good. The prices were the same. However, this weekend my Mom told me we would have to find another place, at least temporarily. Apparently our breakfast place is closed for remodeling.

I cannot wait for the Gran Opeening.

*Spell check LOVED this entry.