What Brings You to These Parts?

I am always amazed at what people search to get to this little old blog so I thought I would share some with you:

"the mad hair" scientology - did they mean mad hair scientist?

Good night words to say to your spouse - usually I say "good night", works like a charm

Who is Badass - my bro is, haven't you heard?

swingers - we have a swing, does that count?

"rule breaker" - always

"seth" and "dani" - sound like a cute couple. Who the F is seth??

3 3 legged midgets in a room with 6 women riddle - how is it possible to have 3 legs?

blogspot of dani girls - there is only one dani girl

can spammers get in trouble - nah! But I bet you can get them in trouble

clown makeup - you must mean my neighbor

dani pitt - someone's living in fantasy land. Brad, you have Angelina, isn't that enough?

cyborg husband - that's B

cookie monster logic - that's also B

discount living room furniture - sounds so seedy. It was just Craigslist people!

eyeful spunk - there.are.no.words

fish mammaries - do fish have breasts?

fort knox conspiracy theory - um, k.

how to solve a case of the mondays - wait until Tuesday

hugh jackman have to pee bad - um, k.

ideas for extra rooms - fill them with stuff and call them Dani's Room of Stuff (insert own name)

rugs - yep, we got plenty. Even some from a - discount store *gasp*

sensing a bad case of the mondays - people just dont like Mondays

porn: thick glasses blind without - doesn't sound very fun porn, does it?
wheres dani - where is that bitch? She hasn't posted since last Monday!

Real post tomorrow folks.

Riddles Are Easy When You Cheat

Potbellys always has riddles. I never know the answer even when pressured. They had the same riddle for days last week:

A sundial has the fewest parts of all time pieces. What has the most?

I thought about it once, decided it was making my head hurt and never thought about it again. On Friday, when I was in there, a guy strolled up behind me and said, without any preface:

"I haven't given this much thought but an hourglass?"

Bastard! At first, I thought "What a show off" and then I thought, "why is he so much smarter than me?" Then I realized that a mere moment before, I had heard the sandwich guy ask him "same thing as yesterday?" Obviously he had been in there the day before, read the riddle, and Googled the answer! Sure enough, when I got home, I googled it and found the answer. You know what that means, don't you?

That bastard is STILL smarter than me.

So there you have it...the first real riddle on this site courtesy of a sandwich shop and the answer courtesy of same random guy who cheated with Google.

Can I Interest You in a Rhyme Instead?

Well even though I ponder life and this is called Riddle Me This, I am officially no good at riddles. See my prior post as evidence. So in response to these search queries I offer you either sage advice and wisdom or a fun rhyme:

riddle - she likes road not streets

I am not sure what the difference is between a road and a street. Maybe one is dirt and one is paved? She likes dirt but not tar? I offer you this rhyme instead:

She likes roads

But not streets

She is dirty

And not neat

Who likes dirt

When they can have tar?

Dirt takes you nowhere

Streets take you far.

can you see what I see not riddles

No. I cannot see what you see and it appears you do not want riddles. Would you like a rhyme?

Can you see what I see?

Can you hear what I hear?

Oops. That is actually a Christmas carol. Next.

something nobody wants but when someone has it does not want to lose it riddle

This sounds like a true riddle. Thus, I am quite incapable of solving it let alone writing it. If you find the answer, please come back and tell us. In the meantime, I offer you this rhyme:

That which nobody desires

Is often that which somebody has

And that which often lights your fires

Is often that which you get last

Not a true rhyme, but deal with it. I am taking artistic license here. I am also using the word “artistic” REALLY loosely.

riddles about why the cats is such gossip

This is new. But I must say, now that I think about it, those cats ARE such gossip. I am constantly walking in to find the cats huddled together looking at me all wide eyed like they had been caught. I used to think they were interrupted mid sweet loving, but now I know I just interrupted their gossip. And don’t even get me started about those glances they throw each other across the room. You may not speak cats, but you gossip like no others!

And I cannot rhyme with the word gossip. How about tales?

Why do cats tell such tall tales?

Why do cats gossip so?

Is it because my cats are males

That they gossip to and fro

What are they talking about them cats?

Food and napping, bugs and gnats?

How much fun can it be

To gossip without ever speaking

Ha! A switcheroo at the end, no rhyme. So artistic I am.

you can fill me but I never lie riddles

Um, okay, this sounds kind of like a torture device. Maybe a water torture device such as “you can fill me up with as much water as you want and prevent me from using the bathroom, but I will never lie.” Now why anyone would want to do that is beyond me. And why anyone would want to force you to lie is beyond me. If you won’t lie, can’t they just find the next person to lie? This one has me baffled. Huh. Maybe it is a riddle after all.

cats such gossip+riddles

Okay, I thought it was a little much that my cats may gossip, but tell riddles? That might be pushing it. Although they do look at me strangely and snicker sometimes. That is a riddle unto itself

who am I riddles for a fax machine

This one is my favorite. Who would want to write a riddle about a fax machine? Are they really that mysterious? Are they even that fun to talk about? Are they even used anymore? Here’s the riddle – why aren’t you PDFing and/or emailing your documents? Think about that for a while. Save a tree.

fake curse word riddles

The riddle here is why would you use fake curse words when the real ones are so much fun? I do like me some fake words though, so here are some fake curse words for you. Feel free to use them in a riddle:

Dangnabbit

Motherfuddrucker (fun blog alert: )

Frickin’

Frackin’

Effin’

Flippin’

Fark

Fork

Knife (just seeing if you are paying attention, the rest are perfectly acceptable)

riddle three three seven boxes move

Hmmm..337 boxes and how do you move them? With a VERY big truck. Or you could put the three boxes and the three boxes into the seven boxes, but then you would just say six boxes in seven boxes.

I’m lost. Just hire a mover.

christmas riddle game peppermint stick

Have yet to hear about this fun sounding Christmas game. What DO you do with that peppermint stick. Is it like hiding the pickle in the tree? Probably smells a lot better. Let me see if I can come up with a rhyme:

In this very merry season

The kids all shout with glee

For it is time and without reason

To hid peppermint inside the tree

Not gum, or candy, or chew

But a stick that is long and yummy

Hide one for me and one for you

Race to finish in the tummy

That sounded a bit obscene. Next.

guys at the bar sweeping laughing riddle*

The true riddle here? Why are guys in a bar sweeping laughing? They should be crying. Unless they have been drinking a LOT. Then I wouldn’t really trust their sweeping. Or maybe they are just happy they have a job? Let’s try a rhyme:

It’s closing time, the doors are shut

Now we can be silly and act like a nut

Although we must clean

And sweep through and through

We can still have fun

In all that we do

Pick up your broom and get to sweeping

So we can laugh to prevent from weeping

Google on people. Google on.

Say What?!?

It is always entertaining to me to look at the search terms for the people that stumble upon my blog. I thought it would be even more entertaining to answer the search terms as if they were questions posed to me:

Old becomes new quotes

I will take a stab at this:

“What’s old becomes new again”

Profound, right? Hope that helped.

"3 envelope pot roast"

Good stuff.

what is three jacks in can you see what i see

I give. What does the question even mean? Three jacks in the can? Three jacks you can see? Do you have a deck of cards? Are you missing a jack? Can you see three? Query solved.

If you are talking about jackasses. There are more than three in this world and they will definitely make their presence known. Sadly, I cannot see what you see, but if you provide me with a picture that would help.

mugs that say who's your santa

I always thought there was only one Santa, but you have proven me wrong by asking that question. Perhaps we can take out an ad or a missing person’s report to find out who exactly our Santa is. Does everyone have their own Santa? Because that would be a lot of Santas flying around and a heck of a lot of reindeer and reindeer poop. This is truly a riddle.

mickey rourke gold tooth

Yes, I believe Mickey Rourke does have a gold tooth. At first I was perplexed as to why he had one, but then I took a second glance at his outfit and it all began making sense. You may want to google “mickey rourke fashion” and that will explain it for you.

"mark wahlberg is short"

Yes he is. That is a fact. It sounds like both you and I, however, were caught off guard as to how short he actually is. I still love him though. You should too.

ponytail gone

This usually happens when you remove the ponytail holder. Do not panic. Wrap your hair with a ponytail holder again and voila your ponytail will be back! It is like magic…but the exact opposite.

new glasses "strong"

I can see from your visit that you know I had this problem. I imagine that most people have this problem with new glasses especially if your prescription changed or if, like me, you decide “prescription mescription” (that’s a technical term), and just go all wild and free without changing your prescription for 6 years. Talk about strong!

"my glasses" thick or blind

I hope if you are wearing glasses, you are not blind because really, what’s the point? Now, if you feel blind when taking off your thick glasses, you are not alone. I can only see things within three inches of my face. Aside from the cats, there is nothing usually that close to my face at all times.

P.S. If your glasses are still thick, look into getting those new superthin lenses. You may still be blind but people will make fun of you less. Unless you are married to my husband. Then you should google “polygamy” while I google “divorce” because there ain’t no Big Love happening around here.

i was blind without my glasses

So was I. Aren’t glasses magical little devices?

judgical indiscretion

I think you meant “judicial indiscretion” because, sadly, there is no such word as judgical. Yes, I made it up. Yes it sounds official. Maybe if more people catch on we can make it word. Want to start a revolution? Or a judgicaloution?

shots pinch needles

Shots pinch and they involve needles. If you feel a pinch but don’t see a needle, you have just been pinched. Probably with fingers. If you get a shot and it doesn’t pinch, you are a tough guy or all the nerves in your arm are dead.

And that, folks, was just the batch that did not involve the word "riddle." Those searches will be addressed on a different day.

Google on!

A Not So Secret Santa Stuffed Stocking

Say THAT three times. A riddle for your tongue.  But not a real riddle...I apologize to all of you riddle searchers who must be disappointed in this blog, but I will discuss that at a later time.  This post is all about the Stuffed Stocking I won from Brandy, a fellow blogger. 

I entered her giveaway and won a lovely stuffed stocking which arrived today.  Want some pics? Of course you do!  Here is the stocking:

Look at that detail! I tried to capture it up close:



Inside the stocking was all of this:



In case you cannot see it clearly. The stocking contained:

Fun holiday socks
Cookie cutters
Holiday Dish Towel
Little bags to put your cookies in and give out to people
Sprinkles and decorating gel; and
Starbucks GC in a cute little handmade holder. Check it out:




And the little button on the back:

I am in love with it and will cherish it always Brandy!

As for you dear readers, you really should check out Brandy's blog. Not just because she gave away this lovely prize package, but because it is a pretty awesome blog:

Want to see tattoos? Check.

Want to make a kickass cookie that you will not stop eating until you throw up? Check.

Want to see a beautiful Christmas tree involving Harley Davidson? Check.

Want to see how she only spent 72 cents at a trip to CVS that included, among other things, a Crockpot? Check.

Want to read one of the greatest post titles ever that is really all about Beyonce playing Wonderwoman? Check.

Everything you thought you wanted and more!  Check Brandy's blog out!

Thanks again Brandy. Mucho holiday love to you and yours.

And Merry Christmas Eve to the rest of you that celebrate!

Ramblings of a Riddler...

It has been a long week and I cannot put together one big coherent story, so that will have to wait until tomorrow.  Instead, you get my ramblings. Enjoy.

~People look at you funny if you only wash one hand in the bathroom, even if your other hand is injured and you did not use it.  These same people do not blink twice if someone walks out of the bathroom without washing their hands at all.~

~Your stream of consciousness is supposed to STAY in your consciousness. When I am waiting for the judge to call my case, I do not want to hear the following come from your mouth in between gasps for air "must put my stuff down" and "have to check in with the clerk now."  I do NOT need a play by play of your actions because I can SEE YOU (and you are not that interesting in any event).~

~The doctor has told me I am narcoleptic, among other things.  I prefer to say I love naps. Nice long naps. All day long.  However, even I, in my narcoleptic state, could not fall asleep and immediately start snoring LOUDLY within two minutes of sitting down in a courtroom.  How do you make it through your job buddy?  Oh - and you need to see a few doctors, at a minimum, to help you with your multitude of problems.  But not my doctor. He only misdiagnoses me and then forgets my ailments.  That will not do you any good.~

~My office eats WAY too many Cheezits (not I - I stick to pretzels).  We have gone through 4 cases in a week. That is 12 lbs per case or 48 POUNDS of Cheezits. In a WEEK??? We need an office fast (um, not feast) pronto! Although the person that dropped the Cheezit in the bathroom needs a different kind of help.  Cheezits in the bathroom?  Why would you take FOOD in the bathroom?~

~Speaking of bathrooms and the office, a vagina exploded in the women's office the other day. Yes, you read right. No, I have no explanation. I apologize if the word "vagina" offended you but you cannot nearly be as offended as my nostrils were.  I can only hope that the person was in our office seeking counsel to file a lawsuit against her doctor for malpractice.  If not, she should be.  And I should get pain and suffering.  Five hours worth.  That is how long it took to clear up. Five hours!  I think they actually infused the bathroom with brand new air.  Oh and to the person a couple hours later that thought the bathroom spray would work? It didn't.  It just smelled like a flowery exploded vagina. Nice try though.~

~Speaking of math and the office (see math two paragraphs ago), it is probably a good idea if you are going to send a forwarded email to the entire office about an alternate proposal for the $700 billion bailout, that you make sure the math in the email is correct.  Otherwise, someone in the office, perhaps even your own secretary, will immediately hit "reply to all" and totally destroy the whole point of the email with accurate calculations and everyone else will just pretend they did not witness the whole chain of events.  (No, I did not send out this forward. I also did not do the math but did check it and cackle after the reply to all). (P.S. even snopes did the math right)~

~I say F@ck an awful lot. Even when I am not reinjuring myself.~

~Yesterday afternoon there was a "Breaking News" email sent by the local news indicating a nearby school had been closed due to a "foul odor having been detected."  Boy, that vagina travels.~

~Does anyone know what Pickleball is?  Someone in the office won a gold medal in this event. I am not sure if it is a sport or something dirty. Either way I am scared.  I was also blissfully unaware that some coworkers were involved in local Olympics.  Lost bliss  is a terrible thing.~

~One can only wonder what Google searches will lead people to this post.~

Memo to...

MEMO

To: Coworker

From: Me

"Dramatical" is not a word. In fact, I do not even believe it is the combination of two separate words. Thus, I have no idea what you are trying to convey. Your insistence on making up words and utilizing them in a professional setting has resulted in my completely ignoring you.

~Dani~

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MEMO

To: B

From: Me

When I raise my injured hand in the air as you approach me on the couch, that is NOT an invitation to give me a HIGH FIVE! Love the thought, but the execution was quite painful.

~Dani~

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MEMO

To: Me

From: Me

You have an injured hand. The can of corn left you with three stitches. Thus, it is not wise to CLAP YOUR HANDS to emphasize a point. Unless, of course, the point was to show your two partners how loudly you can say F@ck. If so, mission accomplished.

~Dani~

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MEMO

To: Can of Corn

From: Me

I am still bitter about Sunday. So much so that I cannot bear to take you to the recycling box. Admittedly I am a bit scared too. It would look more than a tad bit ridiculous if I were to get another cut and more stitches. People would think I was doing it on purpose. I may ask B to recycle you but I am sure he would make some comment about how I was threatening to sue the corn company on the way to the hospital and how we will need to save the "evidence."

~Dani~

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MEMO

To: Random Guy at Lunch

From: Me

Remember when it was a cool thing to say to people "so, are you working hard or hardly working"? Those days are in the PAST. You look like a fool. A behind-the-times fool and you are not even that old.

~Dani~

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MEMO

To: Searcher of Blogs

From: Me

I know you stumbled upon my blog by searching for "riddle for ant in the carpet" but I am not sure what you were trying to find out. I know you ended up here, but I do not think that satisfied your query. Did you want a riddle to tell an ant in the carpet? Was the riddle that there WAS an ant in the carpet? Inquiring minds want to know. Heck, I think the ant wants to know.

~ Dani~