Lazy Days Equal Watching Actual Children Reenact The Hills (Not Just the Usual "Children" That Star on the Show)

Today was a lazy day, so you get a lazy post. If you have ever watched The Hills, you know how utterly terrible the acting can be. Below, watch some kids reenact some scenes. You will be amazed at what better actors they are.

My favorite parts? How the girl playing Audrina is always looking up and how Heidi goes from being plastic to just being an actual Barbie doll at the end.

Do You Want a Peep Show?

So, maybe the title is a bit misleading. This is really a peek show - a sneak peek to be exact. We have been cooking up some things for the upstairs hallway and thought you might want to take a look. These things, of course, include paint and carpet. Not all that exciting, but in this house we have found the little things make all the difference in the world.

First we debated paint with two different colors:

I leaned toward the dark paint to give it a different look, especially with the white doors:

B leaned toward the lighter color, thinking the darker color might be too much in the hallway.

Then we got a bunch of carpet samples. These include samples for the basement stairs and landing which we have also decided to carpet because of all the traffic the area receives. And maybe the fact that in the winter when it gets wet from the snow and slush outside, you can totally wipe out and fall down the stairs. Not that something like that happened to me. However, it was quite precarious there for a while trying to carry all of the moving boxes down without killing myself. I voted yes to carpeting those stairs.

You know what I kept thinking when looking at all of those carpet sample squares? That they would make great rugs for Barbies.

Not So Secret and Not So Blind Update

So, I totally had to change my scheduled post today so I could come back here and update you as to yesterday's events.  After all, at least 3 of you asked. That is demand enough for me.  This is what I got for information on the big "date." 

Day after date:  

I see friend and say "how was the date?" He says "okay."  I express complete and utter shock that there actually was a date.  He just shrugs and says "I'll see her again."  

Day after day after date:

I realize that I am missing a CRUCIAL piece of information - her name.  Would also like to see what other details I can drum up.  So I see friend and have this exchange:

Me:  What was that girl's name?

Friend: Girl? What girl? 

Me: The girl from the other night - your "blind" date.

Friend: Oh you mean the woman?

Me: Sure...whatever...what was her name?

Friend:  Randy

Me: RANDY? Her name is RANDY? She's a guy!

Friend: She spells it with an "i"

Me: I don't care if she spells it with hearts and flowers, she's a guy!

Me: She is SO a guy!! She's a guy!  [This also involved me pointing at him while chanting]

I then turn to a nearby person who is half participating (mainly eavesdropping) in the conversation and say, "She is SO a guy!"  

Friend: No, she is all woman.

Me: She's a dude.

Friend: I am telling you she is all woman, I know.

Me: A boy can buy boobs too you know.

I turn to other person, "It is true, boys can buy boobs. That means NOTHING."

Friend:  I know for a 100% fact that she is a woman*

Me: [speechless]

Me: Oh.

Me: And the date was just okay??

*He knows because he looked at her driver's license. What were YOU thinking?

The One Where I Look Like...

Yesterday I was at yet another proceeding wearing another dark suit. Luckily no powdered donut holes were to be found as it was an afternoon proceeding. As an aside, it is not really fun to go to the grocery store with people that read your blog like, say, your brother and his girlfriend. They just end up saying witty things like "stay away from those donut holes," "watch out that has powdered sugar", and "the corn is not giving you the evil eye."  Back on point - at a proceeding in a dark suit.  In the middle of the proceeding, as one of the in charge people is speaking, I can see and hear one of the guys across from me whispering (not so quietly) about me.  I hear snippets like "her glasses" and "see, look at her."  I loudly proclaim "I CAN HEAR YOU" which stops them for all of two minutes and they are back at it again, disrupting me and the proceeding.  When the person in charge stops speaking, the guy across from me announces to the whole room:

YOU LOOK LIKE SARAH PALIN.

Oh boy.  I really look nothing like Sarah Palin. I am pale, she is not.  We have different facial features. I have about 1/100 of her hair (seriously my hair is super thin and super fine).  So I tell him it is probably the dark suit.  My client chimes in with "and your hair is up."  But, he was not satisfied, that man.  He declares that I do not have the right glasses and that I should put on his client's classes. A man.  I repeat "you want me to put on his glasses?" Oh yes, he did. Well, as soon as I put them on, there was a collective gasp from the room and everyone chimed in "oh you DO look like Sarah Palin."  The injured party says "maybe if you had a little more poufy hair on top."  Thanks?

However, after expressing concern as to whether this was a good thing or a bad thing, I was told I was a beautiful woman so it was a good thing. I was also told that I was much more smarter than Sarah Palin.  I will take that as a compliment.  Sarah probably will not.

Then they asked me to do math and my reign as a really smart beauty queen came to a screeching halt.

Let's Talk About Fish

Well, seafood to be exact. I love me some seafood. Shrimp, crab legs, lobster butt* - you name it and I am probably down with it. This even includes calamari.

Lately, I have been hob snobbing** with clients and partners at lunch. It is a recent development which involves fine dining and a lot of food. To say I am on board with this development is an understatement. In fact, my Mom recently asked if all I do now is lunch. No, silly Mom. I also ponder about lunch, relax after lunch, tell others about my lunch. I do SO much more than actual lunching.

In any event, at a few of these lunches we have had calamari. Fried calamari. If you have had calamari a/k/a squid you know that it doesn't have that much taste and is kind of chewy. But if you fry those bad boys - can you say YUM?*** Fried calamari it is. Well one day, I made the mistake of cutting my calamari. The piece was too big and I was trying to be all dainty and crap (fine dining and all). That is when I saw that my calamari is actually squid!! (Yes, I knew all along it was squid but was able to disguise my knowledge with the fried batter). I almost stopped eating right then. It is one thing to eat squid blindly oblivious to the fact that it is a squid then it is to actually look at the squid while about to digest it. Think about it. Instead, I decide to close my eyes, pop it in my mouth and go back to blind oblivion.

Which brings us to the other day. We were out at another lunch when one of the people I was with, who is also on a rather strict diet (i.e. no fried food), decided he might want some calamari. He asked them to prepare it without frying it. I am not sure what it involved, maybe stir fry in a wine sauce or something? What came to the table was. . .

A BIG BOWL OF SQUID IN LIQUID

I am not kidding. He proceeded to eat a big bowl of squid with a spoon. I almost lost it. There was no disguise, no oblivion. Just squid and all of its tentacles looking right at you. Going right in his mouth by the spoonful. Do not try to visualize this. You will not like the picture. So, what did I do? Oh, I used my recently perfected weapon that I call the Barbie Doll. I plaster a sincere smile on my face and an interested look while completely blanking out and emptying my head. No one is the wiser. Because, believe me, there is no closing your eyes on that one. For when they open again, there is still a big bowl of squid with a spoon. And that ain't a pretty picture my friends.

*lobster butt is a term that B and I coined while on the John Tesh cruise - that is a story for a different time.

**hob snobbing is a word I made up from hobnobbing and the picture of snobs while fine dining - aren't I clever? Just so we are clear, the people I dine with are not snobs. I just like the way that sounds.

***what isn't yummy fried? Seriously, someone please tell me so I can eat less fried food!